1) i'm quasi-retarded, ergo a 2, maybe 1
2) i'm a fat tub of lard, 2
3) 8.5
4) i'm 5'10" so 0
5) i'm in debt for about $195 grand after i sued myself for slander for calling myself a retard, the retard anti-defamation league tried to file an amicus curiae in the case but where too...