---

[MrBond]

yeah, i get its 'their house, their rules' deal, but i mean, trying to tell me where i can work is retarded. they should really have no say as far as im concerned. they arent making me pay rent as of yet, but they did my brother like $250 a month. if i had to PAY to live there, i would def. be gone. and well, im not really going to any certain college as of yet, if i do itll just be a community one, and they have those everywhere. so im really leaning towards my dads as of now.

$250/month for a place to live without grocery/utility bills is a STEAL. If I could live with my parents and still go to school here for $250 a month, I'd be all over that.

As far as telling you where you can work, they're probably looking out for your well being. Pizza delivery isn't always safe, and it puts a lot of miles on the car.

 

[kami]

Typical ATOT ultra-conservative response:
It's their house, they can do whatever the f*ck they want. Go get a job and contribute to society!

My response:
Your parents sound very overprotective or controlling (not sure which). Yes you are living in their home, but they should still treat you with more respect. You only solution is to move out probably.

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: MrBond

yeah, i get its 'their house, their rules' deal, but i mean, trying to tell me where i can work is retarded. they should really have no say as far as im concerned. they arent making me pay rent as of yet, but they did my brother like $250 a month. if i had to PAY to live there, i would def. be gone. and well, im not really going to any certain college as of yet, if i do itll just be a community one, and they have those everywhere. so im really leaning towards my dads as of now.

$250/month for a place to live without grocery/utility bills is a STEAL. If I could live with my parents and still go to school here for $250 a month, I'd be all over that.

As far as telling you where you can work, they're probably looking out for your well being. Pizza delivery isn't always safe, and it puts a lot of miles on the car.

Plus the insurance costs to the car that won't be under your parents insurance any more. Do you have a car? In your name, I mean.

 

[blackdogdeek]

would your current parents pay for a 4 year school for you? or could you afford it for yourself? if so, i'd recommend that over a 2 year school unless you plan to transfer after the 2nd year. the job market is bad enough right now that not having a 4 year degree would be a major extra hindrance imo. and if you go to a 4 year school you can find one that's far enough from your current home that you'd have to live there and that should alleviate some of the distaste for your current living conditions.

until then you have to deal with their rules. no matter how much they suck.

 

[Dedpuhl]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: MacGaven

Originally posted by: chin311
not in college, just finished a tech school course on 'computer electronics'.

moving in with my dad would be completely different, i would do it in a heartbeat, but im not sure about any jobs up there.

can't really afford to live on my own, if i did, i would have just enough to pay the bills.

you dont think some of these rules are ridicoulous?? given my age??

Actually the only thing I find unreasonable is parents dictacting where or when you can get a job. Parents like to comment on the child's career but they have no reason to tell you where or when you can't work.

Get any job you can, or can be proud of, even if for part-time and you can start to move out of their home and into a more responsible lifestyle.

yeah, i get its 'their house, their rules' deal, but i mean, trying to tell me where i can work is retarded. they should really have no say as far as im concerned. they arent making me pay rent as of yet, but they did my brother like $250 a month. if i had to PAY to live there, i would def. be gone. and well, im not really going to any certain college as of yet, if i do itll just be a community one, and they have those everywhere. so im really leaning towards my dads as of now.

Unless your brother was just mooching off your parents, I think that's just wrong to charge your own children rent.

The best thing to do is move out. Parents are overrated...

 

[datalink7]

Originally posted by: kami
Typical ATOT ultra-conservative response:
It's their house, they can do whatever the f*ck they want. Go get a job and contribute to society!

My response:
Your parents sound very overprotective or controlling (not sure which). Yes you are living in their home, but they should still treat you with more respect. You only solution is to move out probably.

Considering I'm not a conservative... I don't see how you can say "typical ATOT ultra-conservative response"...

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ

Originally posted by: chin311
not in college, just finished a tech school course on 'computer electronics'.

moving in with my dad would be completely different, i would do it in a heartbeat, but im not sure about any jobs up there.

can't really afford to live on my own, if i did, i would have just enough to pay the bills.

you dont think some of these rules are ridicoulous?? given my age??

Their home, their rules. you must of not picked it up the first 8 times or so it was posted.

That's true... but you really do have to wonder if some parents care about their children. I know my parents did everything in their power to have me live at home... they offered me a car, money, etc. In their eyes, living at home i could focus 100% on school, instead of working my ass off part-time (and partying) to just barely get by. Took a couple of years for me to figure it out, but they were so right. If there's a possibility to live at home while you're going to school, do it.

And really, why should they care if he has a computer in his room? True, it's their house and their rules... and that's unfortunate for him, but what kind of example do you set when you illogically assign rules just because you can? There has been dozens and dozens of research on what type of parenting is best... those that are authoritarian, and believe in corporal punishment, or those that are more passive, and make deals with the kids all the time. It appeared that the type of parenting isn't as important as the consistency and logicalness of the parenting... if you're authoritarian, you should act authoritarian all the time... not just chaotically. Same thing with the passive parents. If the kid makes a mess and gets punished one day, but does the same mess and doesn't get punished the next day, it actually works against the parenting. Kids get confused and unsure as to what the proper behavior are then. Things need to be consistent and logical, not just wildly assign.

Is this the case here? I'm not too sure, but some of those rules are absurd for an 18 year old. But like everybody says, this is their house and their rules. The best thing for him would be to get out on his own if he could.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
would your current parents pay for a 4 year school for you? or could you afford it for yourself? if so, i'd recommend that over a 2 year school unless you plan to transfer after the 2nd year. the job market is bad enough right now that not having a 4 year degree would be a major extra hindrance imo. and if you go to a 4 year school you can find one that's far enough from your current home that you'd have to live there and that should alleviate some of the distaste for your current living conditions.

until then you have to deal with their rules. no matter how much they suck.

they arent paying for any college/school expenses, if i want it, its up to me. also, my car. i paid completely for it, as i do w/ my insurance, its all in MY name, nothign in theirs.

also, another crazy thing. i've been talking to this girl, and they have tried to tell us that we "cant" talk anymore, so we just bs'd them and told them that we dont, blah blah. and now they are trying to get MY cell phone bills, to "check", that almost sent me over the edge.

 

[shiner]

Man you're a f'ing crybaby....waaaaaa waaaaaa waaaa.....I'm not sure if you realize this but you are the child, they are the parent's. As such they get to tell you what to do. Either deal with it or move out and try to make it on your own.

 

[shiner]

Damn double posts..........

 

[fonzinator]

Chin...I encourage you to talk with your parents about the issues you have. Obviously, I don't have a good view of the situation but I sense a BIG lack in communication.

Here's my observations: Your parents have rules for you and their household. They have reasons for these rules. You are frustrated by the result of the rules. Strife is caused by friction because of the rules you don't like or agree with. You feel you are old enough and mature enough to be treated like an "adult."

My guess is that you and your parents are not on the same page with one another regarding household rules. Do what you can to BE on the same page as them. By "same page" I mean that you should both try and see from where the other person is coming. Initiate a conversation with your parents. Tell them you would like to specifically talk about the house rules. Do this in a caring/cordial way though, or you will come across as sharp right from the get-go (not good). Before you begin to fire off your complaints, ask them where they are coming from. Address each rule SPECIFICALLY. Write them down on a piece of paper before you have this conversation so you don't forget any. Give them all the time they need to explain to you why they have each rule in place. I'm quite certain that much of what they will say you will have never heard before. Be patient, LISTEN to what they say WITHOUT giving defense for yourself or what you think. Let them finish explaining each rule to you. Take notes if you want. Doing all of this in an "adult" like way will really show your parents that you are mature.

Next, ask them for time to explain your position on these rules. Perhaps after hearing where they are coming from, you will see more eye-to-eye with them on some of the rules. Remember, it is their house so what they want is final. Perhaps you can work out some compromises on rules which are in strong disagreement. Choose your battles wisely. Your parents are giving you free room and board. Let the little stuff go. Suck up your pride (a mark of a fine man). Whatever happens, don't get into a shouting match. Even if their rules seem totally rediculious to you, even after the conversation, be the better person. They will respect you for this, even if they don't seem to at the moment.

I hope you take this advice. Not only will it encourage repair for the current discord, it will foster a greater, more loving relationship between you and your parents (assuming neither party flys off the handle). Open communication is PARAMOUNT in any relationship. Initiating it is a really hard thing to do. Be the man and initiate it; be humble and you'll see great things happen.

I hope this goes well for you.

 

[Dedpuhl]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
would your current parents pay for a 4 year school for you? or could you afford it for yourself? if so, i'd recommend that over a 2 year school unless you plan to transfer after the 2nd year. the job market is bad enough right now that not having a 4 year degree would be a major extra hindrance imo. and if you go to a 4 year school you can find one that's far enough from your current home that you'd have to live there and that should alleviate some of the distaste for your current living conditions.

until then you have to deal with their rules. no matter how much they suck.

they arent paying for any college/school expenses, if i want it, its up to me. also, my car. i paid completely for it, as i do w/ my insurance, its all in MY name, nothign in theirs.

also, another crazy thing. i've been talking to this girl, and they have tried to tell us that we "cant" talk anymore, so we just bs'd them and told them that we dont, blah blah. and now they are trying to get MY cell phone bills, to "check", that almost sent me over the edge.

...are your parents Baptist or Pentecostal?

 

[Hoober]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
would your current parents pay for a 4 year school for you? or could you afford it for yourself? if so, i'd recommend that over a 2 year school unless you plan to transfer after the 2nd year. the job market is bad enough right now that not having a 4 year degree would be a major extra hindrance imo. and if you go to a 4 year school you can find one that's far enough from your current home that you'd have to live there and that should alleviate some of the distaste for your current living conditions.

until then you have to deal with their rules. no matter how much they suck.

they arent paying for any college/school expenses, if i want it, its up to me. also, my car. i paid completely for it, as i do w/ my insurance, its all in MY name, nothign in theirs.

also, another crazy thing. i've been talking to this girl, and they have tried to tell us that we "cant" talk anymore, so we just bs'd them and told them that we dont, blah blah. and now they are trying to get MY cell phone bills, to "check", that almost sent me over the edge.

Ok, that's just nuts.

 

[Reel]

Have you tried asking them about their reasoning for these rules? Unless they are totally unreasonable, I see no harm in asking why they think you shouldn't have a computer in your room? Maybe they will have a good reason for you like the circuit breaker in that room always trips.

 

[CraigRT]

I dont' agree with alot of these people... I wouldn't be able to handle alot of retarded rules like that, and I'd never lay major strict rules down on my kid... I thikn that's stupid... I'd definitely talk to them about it... I'd be pretty damn pissed off, personally. (just with too strict rules in general)

 

[mpitts]

Originally posted by: kami
Typical ATOT ultra-conservative response:
It's their house, they can do whatever the f*ck they want. Go get a job and contribute to society!

My response:
Your parents sound very overprotective or controlling (not sure which). Yes you are living in their home, but they should still treat you with more respect. You only solution is to move out probably.

While I agree that his parents may be a little overprotective, he has to understand that it isn't going to change. If he is unhappy with his current situation, then HE needs to do something about it. Chances are slim that he is going to convince his parents to lighten up or change the rules.

Therefore, the logical answer would be to move out.

I was in the exact same situation nearly 10 years ago. I moved out and never looked back. It was the best decision I ever made.

 

[blahblah]

Look,

The point of living at home is to save up some money. You are 18, I am guessing you probably plan on going to college and so on.

Get a job and save as much as you can now. Know that they really care for you and are trying to do what they "think" is best for you. Yes it sucks, but not really much you can do about it.

Anyways, let me repeat it again. GET A JOB & SAVE AS MUCH MONEY AS YOU CAN.

If you already have a job and think you can handle another, try to do that.

 

[mpitts]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
would your current parents pay for a 4 year school for you? or could you afford it for yourself? if so, i'd recommend that over a 2 year school unless you plan to transfer after the 2nd year. the job market is bad enough right now that not having a 4 year degree would be a major extra hindrance imo. and if you go to a 4 year school you can find one that's far enough from your current home that you'd have to live there and that should alleviate some of the distaste for your current living conditions.

until then you have to deal with their rules. no matter how much they suck.

they arent paying for any college/school expenses, if i want it, its up to me. also, my car. i paid completely for it, as i do w/ my insurance, its all in MY name, nothign in theirs.

also, another crazy thing. i've been talking to this girl, and they have tried to tell us that we "cant" talk anymore, so we just bs'd them and told them that we dont, blah blah. and now they are trying to get MY cell phone bills, to "check", that almost sent me over the edge.

If you pay for your own cell phone bill, then they have no business checking on who you call. I don't care if you live with them or not, that is not cool.

Also, parents telling you who you can and can't date is a no-no. You need to tell them that you are going to date/talk to whoever you want and that there is nothing they can do that will change that.

 

[damonpip]

Agh, go to a decent, cheap four year college and live in the dorms. Pay for it by working part-time or getting a loan.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: mpitts

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: blackdogdeek
would your current parents pay for a 4 year school for you? or could you afford it for yourself? if so, i'd recommend that over a 2 year school unless you plan to transfer after the 2nd year. the job market is bad enough right now that not having a 4 year degree would be a major extra hindrance imo. and if you go to a 4 year school you can find one that's far enough from your current home that you'd have to live there and that should alleviate some of the distaste for your current living conditions.

until then you have to deal with their rules. no matter how much they suck.

they arent paying for any college/school expenses, if i want it, its up to me. also, my car. i paid completely for it, as i do w/ my insurance, its all in MY name, nothign in theirs.

also, another crazy thing. i've been talking to this girl, and they have tried to tell us that we "cant" talk anymore, so we just bs'd them and told them that we dont, blah blah. and now they are trying to get MY cell phone bills, to "check", that almost sent me over the edge.

amen to that. oh yes, and I know that i will try and talk to them, about all these things, im almost 99% sure nothing will change besides me getting more pissed, but whatever, i tried. im sure ill move to NY the way things are going. I do have a parttime job about 20 hours a week. im also gonna take that pizza delivering job for about another 15 hrs a week. saving as much as i can before i split.

the cell phone thing is on a whole different level, its in my name, i pay it, etc etc. and they try and dictate who i can/cant talk to. THATS insane, even if it is there house. fact is, they "dont want me to date", so they try and not let me talk to girls at all, i laugh.
If you pay for your own cell phone bill, then they have no business checking on who you call. I don't care if you live with them or not, that is not cool.

Also, parents telling you who you can and can't date is a no-no. You need to tell them that you are going to date/talk to whoever you want and that there is nothing they can do that will change that.

 

[blackdogdeek]

imo it sounds like the best thing for you would be to move out.

HOWEVER, before you do that i would really strongly recommend that you take the advice of some of the posters here and talk to your parents first about why they have those rules in place that you disagree with.

if your parents are rational then you'll understand their motives behind the rules and perhaps that will help you voice your reasons for why you consider the rules too overbearing.

if your parents are irrational then talking to them about it won't make a difference and you'll end up no worse than before.

but it would really be awful if didn't talk to them about it first and you ended up not talking to your parents ever again and 10 years down the line when you are a parent you realize what your parents were thinking when they made those rules.

 

[Vic]

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl
...are your parents Baptist or Pentecostal?

Dude, check your God hatred at the door, ok?

Chin, the best you can do is try to discuss these rules with your parents and see if they will work with you in some aspects. Expect to compromise and keep your emotions down. Behave like an adult and you can hope to be treated like an adult. Don't and you won't. If you really want freedom though, you're eventually going to have to move out, it's just the way the world works. Just for the record, I don't agree with all their rules though. I delivered pizzas when I was your age and still remember it as one of the funnest jobs I ever had (even if the pay sucked).

 

[Electric Amish]

I see 3 choices:

1) leave

2) pay them rent and have them treat you like a tenant

3) STFU

amish

 

[Dedpuhl]

Originally posted by: Vic

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl
...are your parents Baptist or Pentecostal?

Dude, check your God hatred at the door, ok?

Chin, the best you can do is try to discuss these rules with your parents and see if they will work with you in some aspects. Expect to compromise and keep your emotions down. Behave like an adult and you can hope to be treated like an adult. Don't and you won't. If you really want freedom though, you're eventually going to have to move out, it's just the way the world works. Just for the record, I don't agree with all their rules though. I delivered pizzas when I was your age and still remember it as one of the funnest jobs I ever had (even if the pay sucked).

Dude, god hatred is irrelevant.

I'm asking because I have several friends that were stuck in the same situation. The only way it changed was by moving out...

 

Originally posted by: chin311
1. wont allow computer in room, but in the room right next to mine, and theres nothing in that room except my computer?? ---dumb
Okay, that's sort of dumb.
2. try and enforce some 12 am bedtime, (ie, TV must be off, off the phone, blah blah etc)
It's good for you to go to bed early. Besides, when I lived at home I went to bed a heck of a lot earlier than midnight.
3. are all over my @$$ about everything i do, who i talk to, etc etc.
Uh, they're your parents...they're just looking out for you.
4. trying to tell me where I can work, etc. (because i was going to deliver pizza on the side for a little extra money)
Delivering pizzas can be very dangerous work. A lot more people get killed delivering pizzas than say, working at Wal-Mart.

so, my options are as follows:

1. talk to them about it, which i doubt will do ANY good.
2. move to NY with my dad (i live in FL)
3. try and find a roommate/cheap apartment, i can afford this, it'd just be cutting it closer than i'd like. don't know of any possible roommates, all my friends are either married or living at home for certain reasons.

If I were you, I'd move out. Why would you move to NY with your dad if you hate the way your parents run your life? The solution to fixing the problems with your parents is making it so that they don't have anything to do with your daily life. The easy way to do that is move out. Then you can deliver pizzas all you want and earn all that $$.