favorite professor quotes

[Whisper]

My advisor here has said a few times something akin to:

"I never blame on malice that which can instead be attributed to ignorance," when talking about the wonderfully inconsiderate things people often seem to do.

 

[newnameman]

History Prof:
"For as much as modern liberals shit on President Johnson, he was a smart man, very smart."
"...fourteen points, which I won't list now because I know you are all sleeping and angry."
"*****, no one's from Ohio in this class!"

 

[Goosemaster]

great thread people keep in coming...

Originally posted by: Fenixgoondid you go to drexel, goose? i *swear* that's what a professor there (also named venkat, but i didn't have him) said (quote 1)

yeah...he taught physics



Also, I had this statics professor who, on the first day of class kept on going on about "paragrins" and and such....

he was vietnamese (harsh accent) and he meant to say parallelogram

and that was jsut the first day

 

[Xavier434]

Psychology Prof:

"If everyone did one line of coke in the morning, we would all learn a lot more during class!"

He said it in that half joking half serious kind of way.


Chemistry Prof:

Picture a short bald guy with white hair that weighs about 200 pounds and is nearly 60 years old. He walked up to one of the hot girls in lab while she was looking down at some papers and said, "Want to see my frog?" She looked up horrified for a few seconds. He was wearing a tie with frogs on it.

 

[Syrch]

Being early is on time
Being on time is late
and being late is inexcusable

 

[eLiu]

Originally posted by: eleison
me: "I'm so tired.. thanks for holding these office hrs..."
physics prof: "no problem.. glad to help students.."
me: "yea, its hard to pay attention to the lectures in the morning, I've been only getting 3hrs of sleep for the past few days.."
prof: "thats not a lot of sleep.."
me: "yea, out of curiosity, being a professor, how much sleep do professors get?"
prof: "I'm not quite sure. I haven't slept since I was 15."

Found out later that he had some kind of disorder... but he was very intelligent... strange; this was at UIUC @champaign/urbana..

One of my profs only sleeps for about 5 hours/night. I was once working in lab on my course project, and he strolls in at 1:30AM and decides to help me. That was pretty awesome... he is now the best professor ever, lol.

Same guy (aerospace) during lecture: C'mon guys... this isn't rocket science. It---...er, I guess it IS rocket science. But still, it's not that hard.
^That got a laugh out of all of us.

 

[LordMorpheus]

Originally posted by: eLiu
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: eleison
me: "I'm so tired.. thanks for holding these office hrs..."
physics prof: "no problem.. glad to help students.."
me: "yea, its hard to pay attention to the lectures in the morning, I've been only getting 3hrs of sleep for the past few days.."
prof: "thats not a lot of sleep.."
me: "yea, out of curiosity, being a professor, how much sleep do professors get?"
prof: "I'm not quite sure. I haven't slept since I was 15."

Found out later that he had some kind of disorder... but he was very intelligent... strange; this was at UIUC @champaign/urbana..</end quote></div>

One of my profs only sleeps for about 5 hours/night. I was once working in lab on my course project, and he strolls in at 1:30AM and decides to help me. That was pretty awesome... he is now the best professor ever, lol.

Same guy (aerospace) during lecture: C'mon guys... this isn't rocket science. It---...er, I guess it IS rocket science. But still, it's not that hard.
^That got a laugh out of all of us.

I had a computational and applied math proffesor who would respond to my emails within 5 minutes. Always. Even at 4 am.

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: LordMorpheus
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: eLiu
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: eleison
me: "I'm so tired.. thanks for holding these office hrs..."
physics prof: "no problem.. glad to help students.."
me: "yea, its hard to pay attention to the lectures in the morning, I've been only getting 3hrs of sleep for the past few days.."
prof: "thats not a lot of sleep.."
me: "yea, out of curiosity, being a professor, how much sleep do professors get?"
prof: "I'm not quite sure. I haven't slept since I was 15."

Found out later that he had some kind of disorder... but he was very intelligent... strange; this was at UIUC @champaign/urbana..</end quote></div>

One of my profs only sleeps for about 5 hours/night. I was once working in lab on my course project, and he strolls in at 1:30AM and decides to help me. That was pretty awesome... he is now the best professor ever, lol.

Same guy (aerospace) during lecture: C'mon guys... this isn't rocket science. It---...er, I guess it IS rocket science. But still, it's not that hard.
^That got a laugh out of all of us.</end quote></div>

I had a computational and applied math proffesor who would respond to my emails within 5 minutes. Always. Even at 4 am.

holy.....:Q

 

[Atomic Playboy]

My advisor in college said the greatest things. I started writing them down and having little quote of the day comparisons with friends. Most of them are in notebooks buried somewhere, but I have one here in front of me.

I'm taking my thesis course, and our professor is teaching us about the three keys to good research (consistency, consensus and distinctiveness). I mention to my advisor that I'm having trouble distinguishing the three, and he says to me, "Just think of them as your three yardsticks of badassery."

Later I put that on a quiz (no credit ).

 

[TallBill]

Dunno, I failed out. Maybe the next go around in '08

 

[Zenmervolt]

A psychology professor (explaining that SSRIs do not induce euphoria):

"...so Prozac is not a 'happy pill'. If you want something to make you happy, use crack instead."

ZV

 

[ric1287]

had a import prof. with a terrible accent and even worst understanding of technology apparently.....

they used wireless clip-on mics for the lecture hall, and this idiot didn't understand that you dont need to hold the mic up to your mouth in order for it to work. So for 15 min, he is talking with the mic up to his mouth, and everything he says is insanely loud and mumbled ( due to both his aweful accent and the mic position). I say "take the mic out of your mouth" so now everyone is laughing around me. And finally someone says "clip the mic on your shirt", and wallah, we can hear him.

first and last time i attended that class.

 

[scrawnypaleguy]

Last semester I was taking a psychology course as an elective and we were on the subject of freud and he gave us this gem: "if you could get sex from a vending machine, people would be a lot happier"

Also, the irony of having a Korean professor for a communications class was just too good. On the first day of class, he writes the letter "Q" on the board and says (with a heavy accent) "This is why I don't like the english language. I can't say that."

There's also a facebook group entirely dedicated to my criminology professor last year, lemme go find it...

 

[scrawnypaleguy]

Ah, here they are:

"My brain is the size of a peanut, it's amazing."

"I'm sure some of you were thinking, 'Professor Foster, that's a nice shirt.' But is it a nice shirt? Yes, it is in fact a nice shirt."

"And if you are planning on cheating, don't cheat. That's bad."

"Remember that cookie you took? Pow" *makes slapping gesture*

"We will be getting out of here approximately 4 minutes early today. Haha. No, but seriously we will."

"Compton's a pretty nice place"

"I think pink is the new black, but I've been told pink is the new blue."

"Thomas Hobbes is most famous for eloquently stating that life sucked ass."

"Lets say you need to get rid of a body, and you just happen to have some pigs around. What's the good thing about feeding people to hogs? They eat everything. If you're ever gonna.... nevermind."

"If you kill someone, the odds the cops find out are only 50%. You can get away with stuff you never thought you could."

"That's the only mistake I've ever made in 27 years."

"It's a very creative spelling of the word 'devolopment.'"

"I'll give it a gold star... in white."

"...and everyone was like w-t-f."

"I'd like to thank the 30 or so people who added me as a friend on facebook. I feel really good about that."

"Crack is totally whack"

"You ever thought about where chalk comes from? It's the body of dead animals from millions of years ago. Someday we will use up the world's supply of chalk."

"One of the reasons I like Terrie Moffits theory is because her name is funny to me."

"Is Chicago a state? No? Ahhh Illinois"

".... from the beautiful state of Australia."

"Today we're gonna talk about stuff and then we're gonna move onto more stuff and then we're gonna finish up with other stuff."

"Ahhhh yeah. Sweeeeeet." *after putting on Public Enemy*

"I used to work in a salt mine."

"First we have a guessing game. Can anyone guess what my coat is made out of?" (the correct answer was Mongolian camel hair)

"You're not even in my class are you?" *points at a girl 16 rows back* (He was right, she was visiting a friend)

From '07:

"Sir Francis Bacon was so famous they named bacon after him"

About the NCVS: "You can ask them 'How many times have you been killed in the last year?'"

"The thing about baby boomers is that it takes about 15 years since the time that they're born to turn 15."

On the Chewbacca defense: "Some people are like 'What the hell are you talking about?' and some people are like 'I can't believe he just said that!' and some are writing down 'Chewbacca lives on Endor...'".

On durians: "It tastes really good, but it smells like you're eating poop, which is cool".

"We are now in the final trimester of our....... pregnancy".

"The Chicago Cubs actually modeled their logo after the zone theory drawing. You're like 'That's crap!'..... it is crap".

"I walk up and down the aisles and I look in your guy's eyes and I wonder if you're thinking about Cinco de Mayo and if you're not, you should be".

"If you look at the pie chart, self-control thoery explains about 16% of crime, so it works, but.......... pie! What was I talking about?"

Professor Foster was a 27-year old professor who still lived in his frat house... greatest class I ever took.

 

[slsmnaz]

I had a calc professor that would solve about half the problem on the board and then write "I.O." and move on to the next problem. After a while someone got the nerve to ask him what IO meant and he explained it meant "Intuitively Obvious". He thought that once he reached that point that it was beneath him to explain any further.

 

[Xavier434]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: slsmnaz
I had a calc professor that would solve about half the problem on the board and then write "I.O." and move on to the next problem. After a while someone got the nerve to ask him what IO meant and he explained it meant "Intuitively Obvious". He thought that once he reached that point that it was beneath him to explain any further.</end quote></div>

"beneath him" is the most important part there. So many professors are like this and it always pissed me off. God forbid I pay them to teach me and that sometimes requires repetitive learning through lecture and example. Pride sucks.

Anyways, back to funny quotes

 

[Kirby]

"How many of you have learned a fucking thing in this class?"

"Ja, the gute stuff converrrrges."

 

[MrDudeMan]

circuits professor to a girl in class:

"You can be an electrical engineer and still be a housewife."

She quoted that during his retirement party much to his embarrassment.

 

[Mr Pickles]

Writing on a note on the classroom door.

"Wow, you came. Well, I didnt. The door is unlocked so have a seat if you'd like. I'll be back next tuesday. If I'm lucky, I'll bring back something from South America for you, like herpes..."

 

[AMCRambler]

My high school math teacher senior year was a little italian guy and he used to call everyone "Dummy" when they didn't get the questions right. My buddy had late arrival and had gotten in the habit of stopping at Dunkin Donuts and picking up hot chocolate and bringing it too the math class.
One morning the administrators start making a big deal about the whole food in the class room thing, wasn't going to be tolerated anymore. Of course my buddy having missed the announcements second period comes rolling in with his hot chocolate and one for me too. Being a cool guy, the math teacher called us a couple of dummies, told us not to bring food anymore and wrote us a pass to take the hot chocolates down to the cafeteria and finish them there. On the way down we had to show the pass to the hall monitor and she asks us who "Dummies" is. Lmao. Guess he put that down on the pass.

 

[Goosemaster]

Originally posted by: scrawnypaleguy


Also, the irony of having a Korean professor for a communications class was just too good. On the first day of class, he writes the letter "Q" on the board and says (with a heavy accent) "This is why I don't like the english language. I can't say that."

AHAHAHHAHA

 

[JohnCU]

on dumping his ex gf:

"i told her i'd rather be lonely than miserable"

 

[HardcoreRomantic]

Geology Professor: "In other words, it pretty much smells like ass. And farts. Really bad farts."
"So here's another video clip. I don't think it really applies to anything, but I saw it on South Park last night and
thought it was funny."

 

[cw42]

great thread.

 

[grohl]

Biochemistry professor, 20 point long essay question, very small writing and multiple diagrams, his comments in large red ink:

"yes. good. ok. Now you lost me. What? Ohhh... Well, I really can't read the rest but I think it's wrong. -20 "