Friends Confidence

Stiganator

Platinum Member
Oct 14, 2001
2,492
3
81
I have a friend who is 30-40 lbs overweight. He doesn't go out and just plays computer games all the time. He's never brought it up, but I know he's very self-conscious about his weight. What is the best way to broach the topic of getting him to start exercising and making a change. I don't want him to end up alone, because he was never confident enough to build any social skills. It's not just social skills either. I think he under achieves his abilities because of confidence issues.
 

Flapjacks

Member
Mar 24, 2008
25
0
0
He doesn't have the confidence to talk to people, he doesn't have the confidence to work out, so he doesn't have the confidence in himself, so he doesn't have the confidence to meet people. Viscous cycle.
 

skace

Lifer
Jan 23, 2001
14,488
7
81
Unless that person is open about their weight, this is a really, really hard subject to bring up from a friend stand point. You could come across as incredibly mean and they could attempt to cut off ties as a result.

The solution though is that the person has to have an environment where they feel comfortable working out. So they can make the changes they need to make so that they can feel comfortable with themselves in public. At which point, this type of person usually gains a lot of what might have appeared lacking but they were just repressing.

However, it can be difficult to create a comfortable environment for that person to get in shape. He may not want to be seen running outside, that leaves treadmills, treadmills aren't exactly cheap. Eating can change with willpower but a lot of people don't see changes fast enough with eating, need the exercise. He can start weight lifting with dumbbells but most people, for whatever reason, see this as difficult. They don't know what exercises to do or don't know they can get a total body workout that way so they just don't try. If you can get him working with dumbbells on his own he may improve significantly. The cardio still becomes a problem.
 

gramboh

Platinum Member
May 3, 2003
2,207
0
0
No idea how you bring it up, that would be really hard, but if they are talking about the subject show them people's worklogs with pictures from forums, there are some people that have made huge changes, don't have any examples handy but checking BB'ing.com forums.
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
16
81
There's that old cliche, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink"... He's got to want to do it. That said, if you're wanting to make the difference here, then your task is exactly that, to make him want to do it. Maybe encourage him to join you when you go to work out or go outside for a hike or something?
 

dealmaster00

Golden Member
Apr 16, 2007
1,620
0
0
You need to get him to work out without the reasoning behind it being any bit insulting to him. Put the blame on something else (like yourself). For example, you could say, "hey would you like to workout with me, I need someone to spot me and having you around will give me extra encouragement to go each time."
 
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