Funniest Movie Line

[engineereeyore]

After listing my favorite movies that make me laugh every time, Link, I started thinking about some of the lines in those movies. This got me wondering what everyone else's favorite lines are. Here are a couple of mine.

Spies Like Us
"You know what that thing can do? It'll suck the paint off your house and give you family a permanent orange afro."

Tommy Boy (So many to choose from)
Tommy: "Does this tie make me look fat?"
Richard: "No, your face does."

Dumb and Dumber
"Our pet's HEAD'S ARE FALLIN OFF!!!"

 

[Juddog]

Punk: "Wash day tomorrow - nothing clean right?"
Ahnold: "Nothing clean. Right."
Ahnold: "Your clothes - give them to me."

Commence battle, Ahnold punches the punk in the chest and shows his bloody fist. Punk with baggy clothes gives them up.

Terminator.

 

[pontifex]

These are all from Brain Candy:

Scientist: I've invented a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don: Uh, right, and what's positive about that?
Scientist: Well, it's a pill that gives worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don: Couldn't it also give worms to ex-boyfriends?
Scientist: This is a drug... for the world... to give worms to ex-girlfriends.
Don: Well, great. Thanks for stopping by.
Scientist: You just don't get it here! Huhoooo!


Wally: Doctor, why do those types
[motions with hands]
Wally: keep thinking that I'm one of them?
Psychiatrist: Because you are one of them. You are gay. You are gay. You are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you're gay. I know it. Your family knows it. Dogs know it. Everyone seems to know it except you.


Cop #1: Hey, didya see that, uh, Nina Bedford show this morning?
Cop #2: Yeah, that uh... thing about toast-******.
Cop #1: ...toast-******?
Cop #2: Yeah - it's the new thing where you ****** or get ****** with toast.
Cop #1: No, the... the show this morning was about that new drug.
Cop #2: Oh. Must have been a dream I had.

 

[Jeeebus]

Ni

 

[Mucho]

The Laughing Policeman:

Bruce Dern looking at Walter Matthau and said, "You think after she found out her husband was gay she was so upset she did not know which way to turn."

 

[imported_Ned Flanders]

Any line from Anchorman

 

[giantpinkbunnyhead]

From CARS:

Sally Carrera: "I fell in love."
Lightning: "Oh..... Corvette?"

 

[clamum]

That's a tough one.

I'll go with this one from Grandma's Boy -- Jeff: "Your sh!t's weak!" (the way he says it and the context makes it)

Other good ones:

J.P.: [Robot Voice to Alex walking away] "I hate your face."
Alex: [pauses, turns around] "Did you say something?"
J.P.: [Hides behind coat]
Alex: "You're fvckin' weird."
J.P.: "...How did he see me? "

J.P.: [in robot voice] "sit on my face"
[robot noises]

 

[Spineshank]

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

 

[hjo3]

Won't post it since there's a lot of vulgar language, but the "Pillowpants" scene from Clerks II...

 

[fLum0x]

snatch has a few great lines...but i just can't type or repeat them correctly

 

[QueBert]

Rodney in Back To School - movie has tons of funny lines

"he was a tough father, he put one of his kids thru school, he put the other thru a wall"


also Fasttimes at Ridgemont high

"my brothers gonna sh!t, he's gonna kill us!"
"make up your mind dude, is he gonna sh!t or is he gonna kill us?"
"first he's gonna sh!t, then he's gonna kill us!"
'I can fix it"
"you can't fix it Spicolli!"
"my dad's a tv repair man, he got the ultimate set of tools, don't worry I can fix it"

 

[ForumMaster]

Big lebowski:
Fvck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

Walter Sobchak: Those rich fvcks! This whole fvcking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fvcking strumpet...
The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.
Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.
The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

The Stranger: There's just one thing, Dude.
The Dude: And what's that?
The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?
The Dude: What the fvck you talking about?
The Stranger: Okay, Dude. Have it your way.

god i love that movie.

also:

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.

French Soldier: Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!

 

[QueBert]

Ice Cube in Boyz In The Hood

"don't cuss so mutha fvckin much, my moms don't like that sh*t!"

all of Miltons lines in Office Space (the way he says them) "I'm going to come back and burn down the building"

and "give her the O face, ooo oooo oooo!" - other dude in Office Space

 

[slimrhcp]

40 year old virgin
Andy (in reference to black co-worker's wife): You need to keep your hoe on a leash!

Bruce Almighty
Bruce (to Jennifer Aniston after getting into a fight with her): I'll take the worst day of my life, with a side order of guilt please.

 

[QueBert]

Originally posted by: slimrhcp
40 year old virgin
Andy (in reference to black co-worker's wife): You need to keep your hoe on a leash!

Bruce Almighty
Bruce (to Jennifer Aniston after getting into a fight with her): I'll take the worst day of my life, with a side order of guilt please.

40 year old virgin has so many good lines. When the guy wants the free extended warentee on the stereo he buys and him and Jay get into it and start with the gang sh!t.

"Rolling 30's n***a we fvck Dwarfs in the a$$!" - Jay

and dude working the TV section in 40 YO

"If I hear Ya Mo Be There one more time I'll Ya Mo burn this place down"

 

[wheresmybacon]

Bill Murray's anecdote about caddying for the Dalai Lama (in Caddyshack) is definitely one of my favorites.

 

[us3rnotfound]

I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

 

[Cheesemoo]

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well, what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well, yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I would relax... I would sit on my a** all day... I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do sh**.



Bill Lumbergh: [in Peter's dream, Lumbergh is oiled up and having sex] You can just go ahead and move a little bit to the left. Yeah, that's it. Great.



Milton Waddams: The ratio of people to cake is too big.

 

[Cheesemoo]

Napoleon Dynamite: I spent like three hours doing shading the upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done.



Rex: At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?
[points to Kip]
Rex: Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?



Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

 

[shocksyde]

From Donnie Darko:

Girl: "Donnie Darko... What kind of name is that? Sounds like a super hero."
Donnie: "What makes you think I'm not?"

 

[MX2]

I desperately wanna make love to a schoolboy

 

[Kadarin]

Now listen up, you primitive screwheads. See this? This... is my BOOMSTICK! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. YOU GOT THAT?!

 

[engineereeyore]

Originally posted by: Cheesemoo
Napoleon Dynamite: I spent like three hours doing shading the upper lip. It's probably the best drawing I've ever done.



Rex: At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?
[points to Kip]
Rex: Take a look at what I'm wearing, people. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys?



Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.

I love that movie. Filmed 20 miles from here. It's a shame what they did to the burger place from that movie. Used to love to go eat there, not it really sucks.

 

[Metron]

"Ted Nugent called... he wants his shirt back." (Ocean's 11)