God in Schools

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: PottedMeat
Dear God,

Where were you when goatse man stretched his anus?

Where were you when he decided to take pictures?

Where were you when he uploaded them?

Sincerely,
Random Internet User

Dude you owe me a new monitor and keyboard that I just spit all my coffee out on


lmfao

Ausm

 

[manowar821]

Originally posted by: Ausm

Originally posted by: PottedMeat
Dear God,

Where were you when goatse man stretched his anus?

Where were you when he decided to take pictures?

Where were you when he uploaded them?

Sincerely,
Random Internet User

Dude you owe me a new monitor and keyboard that I just spit all my coffee out on


lmfao

Ausm

oh lawd :laugh:

 

[Tiamat]

:roll:

 

[dpert1]

Originally posted by: Ausm

Originally posted by: PottedMeat
Dear God,

Where were you when goatse man stretched his anus?

Where were you when he decided to take pictures?

Where were you when he uploaded them?

Sincerely,
Random Internet User

Dude you owe me a new monitor and keyboard that I just spit all my coffee out on


lmfao

Ausm

2 monitors and 2 keyboards

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt

Originally posted by: dpert1
Discuss.

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the schoolchildren at?
Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99
Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99
Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99
Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee, California 3/5/01
El Cajon, California 3/22/01
And Blacksburg, VA 4/16/07

Sincerely,
Concerned Student
**
**
Dear Concerned Student:

Sorry, I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,
God

Want a list of the churches that have been shot up and people murdered while attending mass? Since God apparently answers your questions about why he doesn't save kids in school why don't you ask him the toughie about why he can't be bothered to protect people in mass worshiping him. I'm dying to hear the answer.

You won't get an answer because this thread is nothing but useless flame bait.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
I'm all for the Ten Commandments being hung on every wall of every public building but that's me.

Don't you think having "Thou Shalt Not Steal" in front of every IRS employee would be a good thing?

I agree completely. If every wall were emblazoned with an image of Charlton Heston in a flowing white robe holding large stone tablets over his head as if getting ready to crush the skulls of the nonbelievers, crime would drop to zero. Unless you're talking about the actual text of the ten commandments, which seems a bit sillier... Let's review:

1. I am the Lord your God. Thou shall have no other gods before me.
O... K... God is vain. And he desperately wants attention. But I fail to see how this would stop any public employee from doing anything, except perhaps worshipping the wrong Christ.

2. Thou shall not make for yourself an idol.
The potential upshot here is obvious; Simon Cowell is out of a job. But again, I'm not that concerned that an IRS employee is going to think he's God, so much as that he's going to mishandle my tax return and I'll end up getting audited.

3. Thou shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God.
So, you know, no more postal employees screaming JEHOVAH at the top of their lungs (which is the only reason I avoid the post office any more). You know, God sure spends a whole lot of time covering his own ass in these, does he ever actually address anything that might actually affect how things should be run in government offices?

4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
So THIS is why I can't get mail on Sundays. Thanks! But hey, posting this everywhere means that the entirety of government will be guaranteed to be out of commission for at least one day a week, which is much better than the current standard of seven.

5. Honor your parents.
God really knows how to run an effective government. Work hard, keep focus, treat others how you want to be treated, show me the money (wait, maybe not that one)... No, don't bother with that, just honor your parents. Once a year (per parent) should be fine. If anything this will just convince the government to buy a majority stake in Hallmark and mandate that Mother's Day has been extended to replace the outdated nomenclature of "Daylight Savings Time."

6. Thou shall not murder.
This one is useful. Maybe not so effective, as what psychopath who decides to commit murder in a public building is going to be so willing to fly in the face of every law that has ever existed, but restrains him/herself based on the authority of a piece of paper (in a freaking government building, the very authority the person seems to be lashing out at) saying, "Hey man, don't do that?" But, you know, yeah, put up the ten commandments, cause it's not like we came up with any laws about murder...

7. Thou shall not commit adultery.
If they'd only hung this in the oral office (BAZING!)... then the Republicans would have just found something else to complain about. But this is another good one. Think about it; how many times have you walked into a public building only to find that everyone in there is engaging in sinful acts of fornication all over the place with people they couldn't possibly be married to (no married man kisses his wife that way!)? I don't venture into libraries myself, but according to some accurate source material I've seen (pornography), it's a crazy ****fest 24/7. If only the ten commandments were posted more prominently (or tattooed on people's heads the second they hit puberty). No more fornication outside the confines of marriage, no sir!

8. Thou shall not steal.
This is by far the most important one to hang in public buildings. But really, who steals the most in government? Congressman. And how much time do they spend in government buildings? None, if they can manage (although, for tax purposes, every strip club in the United States is a public building for members of Congress). If we really wanted to crack down on stealing, you'd have to start posting this in people's cars, freezers, every high-priced hotel and restaurant, and require a new uniform for lobbyists, patterned with the 10 Commandments written across it. What would this accomplish? A lot. Because seriously, no one messes with Heston in his manrobes.

9. Thou shall not bear false witness.
This one shouldn't be hung in buildings so much as pasted over the mouths of Alberto Gonzales, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney... pretty much all of the Bush administration. Actually, let me amend that (for bipartisan support of this 10 commandments thing). Let's just paste it over the mouths of every politician and call it good. It would make them a lot easier to identify in public, wouldn't it? Then you'd know who to avoid (although the only time you'll ever meet a politician is at a carefully staged publicity event, so chances are you'll know them anyway).

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
I guess after 9 other commandments, you really start to lose your grasp of brevity, but rolling seven plus commandments up into one is just tacky. So let's see; a government employee should not covet his neighbor's house, wife (but she's not as important as that property), servants, oxen (this one I'm really concerned about), donkeys (this is actually even more troubling than the ox one), or really just any of your neighbor's stuff, come to think of it. Great... But what if I don't happen to live next door to a government employee? These people are going to be coveting everything I have and I'll be powerless to stop them (they ain't taking my Babe though... that ox is MINE!). Honestly, this makes me worry about where we find our government employees. Where are we unearthing these people that live next door to oxherders and donkey owners? Also, would we have to amend this commandment to include elephants, because I don't want Republicans to feel left out. And can you make a commandment amendment (a commendment?)? Seems that would just anger God, and he's got enough of an ego to come after you (can you believe the first four are just about him?).

So maybe it's not the best idea in the world to put up the ten commandments in government buildings. But better them than the Bill of Rights, right? I mean, that little communist claptrap has some crazy "clauses" in it. Just look at how it starts:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof"

No, the messages carved into rock thousands of years ago and handed down to a prophet who got lost in the desert for four decades after magically moving an entire sea out of his way are much more relevant to our modern society than the socialist dogma of the people who actually started the country.

 

[Legendary]

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
I'm all for the Ten Commandments being hung on every wall of every public building but that's me.

Don't you think having "Thou Shalt Not Steal" in front of every IRS employee would be a good thing?

I agree completely. If every wall were emblazoned with an image of Charlton Heston in a flowing white robe holding large stone tablets over his head as if getting ready to crush the skulls of the nonbelievers, crime would drop to zero. Unless you're talking about the actual text of the ten commandments, which seems a bit sillier... Let's review:

1. I am the Lord your God. Thou shall have no other gods before me.
O... K... God is vain. And he desperately wants attention. But I fail to see how this would stop any public employee from doing anything, except perhaps worshipping the wrong Christ.
*snip*

10/10 for effort
0/10 for everything else (combined from relevance, spelling/grammar, ability to interpret quoted post, quality of humor, nonsequiturs etc.)

 

[Excelsior]

I don't think it should be entirely banned (i.e not allowing those who pray before meals to do so at lunch time, etc) but I don't think that the schools/school system/state should in ANY way sanction religious activities or favoritism. Anything of that sort. Church and state most definitely need to be kept separate, but I don't think that should mean school should be worse than prison, by not allowing kids to show any sign of religion/spirituality.

 

[manowar821]

Originally posted by: Atomic Playboy

Originally posted by: GTaudiophile
I'm all for the Ten Commandments being hung on every wall of every public building but that's me.

Don't you think having "Thou Shalt Not Steal" in front of every IRS employee would be a good thing?

I agree completely. If every wall were emblazoned with an image of Charlton Heston in a flowing white robe holding large stone tablets over his head as if getting ready to crush the skulls of the nonbelievers, crime would drop to zero. Unless you're talking about the actual text of the ten commandments, which seems a bit sillier... Let's review:

1. I am the Lord your God. Thou shall have no other gods before me.
O... K... God is vain. And he desperately wants attention. But I fail to see how this would stop any public employee from doing anything, except perhaps worshipping the wrong Christ.

2. Thou shall not make for yourself an idol.
The potential upshot here is obvious; Simon Cowell is out of a job. But again, I'm not that concerned that an IRS employee is going to think he's God, so much as that he's going to mishandle my tax return and I'll end up getting audited.

3. Thou shall not make wrongful use of the name of your God.
So, you know, no more postal employees screaming JEHOVAH at the top of their lungs (which is the only reason I avoid the post office any more). You know, God sure spends a whole lot of time covering his own ass in these, does he ever actually address anything that might actually affect how things should be run in government offices?

4. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
So THIS is why I can't get mail on Sundays. Thanks! But hey, posting this everywhere means that the entirety of government will be guaranteed to be out of commission for at least one day a week, which is much better than the current standard of seven.

5. Honor your parents.
God really knows how to run an effective government. Work hard, keep focus, treat others how you want to be treated, show me the money (wait, maybe not that one)... No, don't bother with that, just honor your parents. Once a year (per parent) should be fine. If anything this will just convince the government to buy a majority stake in Hallmark and mandate that Mother's Day has been extended to replace the outdated nomenclature of "Daylight Savings Time."

6. Thou shall not murder.
This one is useful. Maybe not so effective, as what psychopath who decides to commit murder in a public building is going to be so willing to fly in the face of every law that has ever existed, but restrains him/herself based on the authority of a piece of paper (in a freaking government building, the very authority the person seems to be lashing out at) saying, "Hey man, don't do that?" But, you know, yeah, put up the ten commandments, cause it's not like we came up with any laws about murder...

7. Thou shall not commit adultery.
If they'd only hung this in the oral office (BAZING!)... then the Republicans would have just found something else to complain about. But this is another good one. Think about it; how many times have you walked into a public building only to find that everyone in there is engaging in sinful acts of fornication all over the place with people they couldn't possibly be married to (no married man kisses his wife that way!)? I don't venture into libraries myself, but according to some accurate source material I've seen (pornography), it's a crazy ****fest 24/7. If only the ten commandments were posted more prominently (or tattooed on people's heads the second they hit puberty). No more fornication outside the confines of marriage, no sir!

8. Thou shall not steal.
This is by far the most important one to hang in public buildings. But really, who steals the most in government? Congressman. And how much time do they spend in government buildings? None, if they can manage (although, for tax purposes, every strip club in the United States is a public building for members of Congress). If we really wanted to crack down on stealing, you'd have to start posting this in people's cars, freezers, every high-priced hotel and restaurant, and require a new uniform for lobbyists, patterned with the 10 Commandments written across it. What would this accomplish? A lot. Because seriously, no one messes with Heston in his manrobes.

9. Thou shall not bear false witness.
This one shouldn't be hung in buildings so much as pasted over the mouths of Alberto Gonzales, Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney... pretty much all of the Bush administration. Actually, let me amend that (for bipartisan support of this 10 commandments thing). Let's just paste it over the mouths of every politician and call it good. It would make them a lot easier to identify in public, wouldn't it? Then you'd know who to avoid (although the only time you'll ever meet a politician is at a carefully staged publicity event, so chances are you'll know them anyway).

10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.
I guess after 9 other commandments, you really start to lose your grasp of brevity, but rolling seven plus commandments up into one is just tacky. So let's see; a government employee should not covet his neighbor's house, wife (but she's not as important as that property), servants, oxen (this one I'm really concerned about), donkeys (this is actually even more troubling than the ox one), or really just any of your neighbor's stuff, come to think of it. Great... But what if I don't happen to live next door to a government employee? These people are going to be coveting everything I have and I'll be powerless to stop them (they ain't taking my Babe though... that ox is MINE!). Honestly, this makes me worry about where we find our government employees. Where are we unearthing these people that live next door to oxherders and donkey owners? Also, would we have to amend this commandment to include elephants, because I don't want Republicans to feel left out. And can you make a commandment amendment (a commendment?)? Seems that would just anger God, and he's got enough of an ego to come after you (can you believe the first four are just about him?).

So maybe it's not the best idea in the world to put up the ten commandments in government buildings. But better them than the Bill of Rights, right? I mean, that little communist claptrap has some crazy "clauses" in it. Just look at how it starts:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof"

No, the messages carved into rock thousands of years ago and handed down to a prophet who got lost in the desert for four decades after magically moving an entire sea out of his way are much more relevant to our modern society than the socialist dogma of the people who actually started the country.

EXCELLENT 8th post. I'm impressed.

 

[JujuFish]

Originally posted by: manowar821
EXCELLENT 8th post. I'm impressed.

You're easily impressed. :laugh:
My dog craps feces, does that impress you as well? :laugh:

 

[manowar821]

Originally posted by: JujuFish

Originally posted by: manowar821
EXCELLENT 8th post. I'm impressed.

You're easily impressed. :laugh:
My dog craps feces, does that impress you as well? :laugh:

Your dog craps feces?! That's unheard of.

Are you ever going to post anything useful? :roll:

 

[f4phantom2500]

if you bring religion to within 200 feet of a school you should have to pay a $500 fine to me

 

[sandorski]

"God" needs to stand in the corner for being an asshat!

Supposedly, "God" is omnipresent. Even if they tried "God" couldn't be excluded from Schools. If they succeeded, "God" doesn't exist. It just so happens that "God" doesn't exist, but for some that realization comes slow.

 

[SXMP]

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt

Originally posted by: dpert1
Discuss.

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the schoolchildren at?
Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99
Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99
Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99
Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee, California 3/5/01
El Cajon, California 3/22/01
And Blacksburg, VA 4/16/07

Sincerely,
Concerned Student
**
**
Dear Concerned Student:

Sorry, I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,
God

Want a list of the churches that have been shot up and people murdered while attending mass? Since God apparently answers your questions about why he doesn't save kids in school why don't you ask him the toughie about why he can't be bothered to protect people in mass worshiping him. I'm dying to hear the answer.

You won't get an answer because this thread is nothing but useless flame bait.

I'm not replying to get in an argument with anyone, but if you want to hear *an* answer from someone who attends a church (although I would never call it "mass", yes there are non-Catholic Christians out there) I would share my opinion on the matter with you. I consider myself a man that is pretty wrapped up in logic, so I promise that my answer won't consist of seemingly contradictory statements. Your choice, my email is in my profile is you really are desiring an answer.

Peace,
John

 

[sandorski]

Originally posted by: SXMP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt

Originally posted by: dpert1
Discuss.

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the schoolchildren at?
Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99
Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99
Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99
Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee, California 3/5/01
El Cajon, California 3/22/01
And Blacksburg, VA 4/16/07

Sincerely,
Concerned Student
**
**
Dear Concerned Student:

Sorry, I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,
God

Want a list of the churches that have been shot up and people murdered while attending mass? Since God apparently answers your questions about why he doesn't save kids in school why don't you ask him the toughie about why he can't be bothered to protect people in mass worshiping him. I'm dying to hear the answer.

You won't get an answer because this thread is nothing but useless flame bait.

I'm not replying to get in an argument with anyone, but if you want to hear *an* answer from someone who attends a church (although I would never call it "mass", yes there are non-Catholic Christians out there) I would share my opinion on the matter with you. I consider myself a man that is pretty wrapped up in logic, so I promise that my answer won't consist of seemingly contradictory statements. Your choice, my email is in my profile is you really are desiring an answer.

Peace,
John

you could have just posted it...

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Originally posted by: sandorski

Originally posted by: SXMP

Originally posted by: JulesMaximus

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt

Originally posted by: dpert1
Discuss.

Dear God:

Why didn't you save the schoolchildren at?
Littleton, Colorado 4/20/99
Taber, Alberta, Canada 5/28/99
Conyers, Georgia 5/20/99
Deming, New Mexico 11/19/99
Fort Gibson, Oklahoma 12/6/99
Santee, California 3/5/01
El Cajon, California 3/22/01
And Blacksburg, VA 4/16/07

Sincerely,
Concerned Student
**
**
Dear Concerned Student:

Sorry, I am not allowed in schools.

Sincerely,
God

Want a list of the churches that have been shot up and people murdered while attending mass? Since God apparently answers your questions about why he doesn't save kids in school why don't you ask him the toughie about why he can't be bothered to protect people in mass worshiping him. I'm dying to hear the answer.

You won't get an answer because this thread is nothing but useless flame bait.

I'm not replying to get in an argument with anyone, but if you want to hear *an* answer from someone who attends a church (although I would never call it "mass", yes there are non-Catholic Christians out there) I would share my opinion on the matter with you. I consider myself a man that is pretty wrapped up in logic, so I promise that my answer won't consist of seemingly contradictory statements. Your choice, my email is in my profile is you really are desiring an answer.

Peace,
John

you could have just posted it...

If it was even remotely intelligent he would have.

 

[NikolaeVarius]

Religion if only every religion is taught. I don't want any of this only one religion crap.

 

[fire400]

you gotta be honest with yourself. the math involved with the ten commandments actually offer more provident living. breaking them, you'll notice the happiness only lasts for a little while before the guilt sinks in.

you don't have to teach or preach the ten commandments, however shaping your goals and mindset around it, is by no means a bad thing at all. in fact, it will not only give a better reputation, but it strays you away from being a fake person, not necessarily innocent, but more focused and determined in the right manner.

good luck.

"should be openly discussed."

freedom of religion.

freedom of speech.

pursuit of happiness.

seperation of church and state; you can talk about it, but you can't regulate or enforce it like private schools, if that's what you're talkin' about.

good luck

p.s. I think the Op has social problems if he's willing to stand up for what God can and cannot do. time to see if the Op has the guts to stop whining about the past, and make something out of his/her own life.

 

[angminas]

Originally posted by: GagHalfrunt
If it was even remotely intelligent he would have.

That was not even remotely intelligent, Gag. There are plenty of good reasons for moving a serious discussion away from the troll den.

 

[Journer]

public schools are BS anyways

 

[Pegun]

I think it should be left open to the students; on the other hand the president (and all other politicians for that matter) should be banned for implying any such thing or using it in government.

 

[dpert1]

Originally posted by: fire400
p.s. I think the Op has social problems if he's willing to stand up for what God can and cannot do. time to see if the Op has the guts to stop whining about the past, and make something out of his/her own life.

I dont really have an opinion either way, i just found it funny

I'm also going to school to be a HS teacher, I'd like to think I'm making something of my life

 

[Amused]

In public schools:

*Students should be allowed to freely express their religion in a completely non-disruptive manner.

*Religions should be covered as a part of history and social studies. You cannot properly teach either without including the religions of the world.

*Teachers and school officials, as agents of the state, MUST remain religiously neutral.

It's not that hard to understand.

BTW, the joke is ignorant. "God" or religion has never been banned from the schools. Shoving one religion down students throats has been banned. There is a difference.

 

[judasmachine]

how about we just brainwash all the children in a place they are forced to go, that way they'll all make good soldiers for the lord.

 

[AreaCode707]

Originally posted by: Phoenix86

Originally posted by: HotChic
Problem is, it's an email forward from right after Columbine, in '99. It's just been updated a bit.

Meh, it's a joke. I laughed.

Nearly everything that's funny is insulting to someone.

I don't find it offensive or insulting - I actually do think it is funny. It's just old.