Guys...

[MiataGirl]

okay despite my thread title i'm not directing this thread toward the 99% of the guys out there..just the bad ones :disgust:

so a few days ago a really close friend of mine who i've known for a few years now went off to college while i went my own ways. then yesterday i was talking to him online and i asked him if he missed me..and he ever so reluctantly admitted it.

when he did though, he said a bunch of other things that were oh so nice..i even started crying over it, and he said he did too.

a few hours later though he calls and pretends as if nothing ever happened, as if to cover up his little emotional outburst. i was kind of fine with it because i don't think i could've handled much more of it..

today though he actually goes BACk on the things he said. i asked him if he was really crying, and he starts LAUGHING he asks me if i've ever seen him cry, and that there's no way that he did.

i just told him to forget it then and that he can go back to living in his fake little world.

do guys view showing emotion as a sign of weakness or something? i mean it's not like there were any other guys around to know about it, and i definitely would've kept it between just us..

i just hate the feeling that i miss him more than he misses me although that's slowly changing..

 

[amnesiac]

What?? That's jacked. I know guys who wouldn't say that stuff in the first place, but to say it then BACK OUT? That's just cruel. Either he's not really a good friend or he has severe troubles with his emotions.

I think I'm 180 degrees from that; I have no trouble spilling all my emotions. You should see the gushy letters I write my g/f.

 

[WinkOsmosis]

I would think that he really was crying and was insecure about it.. don't be hard on him just because he claimed not to cry. No one has seen me cry since I was like 7, but I can if I want to .
I am sensitive *wink* *wink*.

 

[SOSTrooper]

Hmmm, take me for example. I'm a fairly typical guy you see everyday. I like to hide my feelings in person, but when I'm online, I can be very open. The fact that nobody can see my face when I type "My tears are all over the dead CPU" makes me feel a bit easier and more comfortable. However, it is uncomfortable and quite girly for me to be around a bunch of guy friends and cry over the CPU. And as you've guessed, it would be even more uncomfortable and embarrassing crying around a bunch of girls. Here is the catch tho, if I'm involved emotinoally with a single girl and she feels the same way too, then I will cry in front of her whenever I please. Guys like me want to hide emotions around ppl, in public. But when I'm alone or with the girl I trust/love, then I will let my feelings go free (and various other parts ). That's me anyway, hope at least you get an idea.

 

[Evadman]

SOSTrooper said it best.

 

[weezergirl]

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. hehe.

 

[HOWITIS]

do guys view showing emotion as a sign of weakness or something?

yes, and the fact that it usually leads to more pain.

 

[dfi]

Or, maybe he thought you were joking about crying, and he said he was crying too to be part of the joke. And now you're upset because you were actually crying, but your emotional outburst was unrequited. Not the most pleasant interpretation, but it makes more sense to me. Cuz why would anyone be so lame to actually cry and admit it one day, and deny it the next? Unless your friend is really lame, and you just realized that now.

Boy, I'm a mean bastard.

dfi

 

[Kadarin]

MiataGirl: Were you guys just friends, or were you going out at one point? Is it possible that your emotional attachment to him was not matched by his to you?

Other than that, it sounds like he's being a jackass.

 

[gopunk]

maybe you're a cocktease



well i do mean stuff to my friend sometimes, like being mean but i'm really joking. she does the same thing to me though, so it's all good

i think he probably experienced some feelings he didn't want to, and decided to ignore and backtrack.

 

[Stallion]

I have cried in front of a room full of people before and thought nothing of it. I have had talks with my wife to where I started crying and it actually felt good to let out some emotion.

But then again I'm 36 years old and not trying to look tough in front of friends or family. I don't recall getting real emotional when I was younger especially over a girl. And if I did I sure wasn't about to tell someone.

 

[linuxboy]

i'm not directing this thread toward the 99% of the guys out there..just the bad ones

So in your view, 1 % are actually bad? How does one go about defining that?

do guys view showing emotion as a sign of weakness or something?

Depends on the person. Most prefer to allow it into only a special relationship where trust has been built. Historically, boys did not cry, and one was supposed to "be a man and suck it up". With the advent of the nancy-boy, PC, sensitive, huggy-feely types and their agenda (excuse me, I mean liberal politicking, I mean ultra feminism, I mean...), the roles and expectations have changed to who knows what.


It varies with the situation, but a generality can be said that disclosure requires intrapersonal (as opposed to group) intimacy based upon shared experience.

Then there are the people who deny that they actually feel anything. Or some odd combination thereof.

Depends.


Cheers !

 

[Ns1]

i'll tell you exactly what happened



it's one of the main rules of caring for your platonic friend

DO get drunk and maudlin about her
DO NOT get drunk and confront her

If you do reveal your true feelings to her while drunk or in an otherwise abnormal or altered state of mind (incl. unwarranted happiness, ridiculously deep depression, brain fever, etc.), DO deny and disavow all statements the next day.
DO say how it would be such a big mistake if you were to get together with her.
DO joke about it afterwards.
DO NOT cry, break down, and admit that you have been carrying a torch for her for ___ weeks/months/years/aeons.
DO NOT consciously avoid her for the next two weeks (avoid her unconsciously).


ref link

 

[tcsenter]

There are two sides to every story.

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: linuxboy
With the advent of the nancy-boy, PC, sensitive, huggy-feely types and their agenda ...

LOL!

Great post, linuxboy!

 

[AnyMal]

why are you trying to analyze him? or are you pissed that you let your true emotions out? life is too short, stop sweating the small stuff.

 

[Rivergater]

Originally posted by: gopunk
maybe you're a cocktease



well i do mean stuff to my friend sometimes, like being mean but i'm really joking. she does the same thing to me though, so it's all good

i think he probably experienced some feelings he didn't want to, and decided to ignore and backtrack.

haha.