Help with relationship

[NaughtyusMaximus]

I'm just not sure what to do anymore. My girlfriend of 1.5 years has become jealous. I love her more than anything, and apparently she loves me too. The last few months have been not fun at all though. Basically, she sees other people who she thinks are better looking than herself (not ture, she's a #$%^ing goddess), and thinks that I must want to have sex with them more than I do with her. Or at the same time as I am with her.. or whatever. I would never, have never thought even a fraction of the things she's dreaming up in her head, but it seems there is nothing I can do or say to convince her that I love HER - not some other girl who she thinks is attractive. I've never even glanced at another in the same way that I look at her. I'm afraid sometimes to talk to other people for fear of her getting jealous - which does happen just from a word or two with another person.

The big problem is that she can't trust me. I don't want to end this relationship, I have no desire to whatsoever - but she can't even trust me when I tell her that I love her. Any advice as to what I can do to help her learn to trust me? Or other suggestions as to what I should do?

 

[Shuxclams]

1)Once a woman makes up her mind it's over she'll find a reason to end it.
2)It could be her own guilt/insecurities.


Doesnt sound good either way.



SHUX

 

[toothfairy]

I agree with Shuxclams. There isn't much you can do. Perhaps you should spend more tme with her?

Good luck!

 

[NaughtyusMaximus]

<<It could be her own guilt/insecurities>>

I'm sure its that one, but I've tried everything I can think of to help her shed these feelings, and nothing seems to help.

 

[NickC]

hope you the best of luck but the jury is in the only thing you might do is spend lot of time with her you would spend with the guys or who ever, but if she has the idea that you are wanting others then you have a hard time.

GOOD LUCK

 

[NaughtyusMaximus]

The thing with that is, I already do spend all my spare time with her. The only time I'm with 'the guys' (or whoever), I'm also with her...

 

[Regine]

I believe that trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. If she doesn't trust or believe you, then you can't do much. Sorry

 

[NaughtyusMaximus]

<<I believe that trust is one of the most important things in a relationship>>

Me too. This is why I'm so troubled by this.

 

[frogger]

NaughtyusMaximus
If she doesn't trust you now, she never will.

She will become a control freak and want to limit any contact. Any time you are not with her will become a q-and-a session which you will always be guilty of something.

 

[weezergirl]

have u ever told her that you are afraid to talk to other people in fear that she will be jealous? if she doesn't feel bad about making you feel that way..or at least work on her problem...then how much can she really love you? no person who truly loves another would ever want to put them in a position they are uncomfortable with or limit how they carry out their lives. the relationship will go nowhere so u should really give her an ultimatum...but if she is willing to change...def. support her all the way and keep assuring her. otherwise tell her the only reason the relationship ended is not because of another person..but because of her and make sure she realizes that.

 

[NaughtyusMaximus]

I have told her that, and she does definetly feel horrible about the way she acts. She's tried to change, and has been trying to change for a while now - I just can't figure out how I can help her. I would much rather have her with me (not jealous), then not have her with me (jealous).

 

[frogger]

NaughtyusMaximus

Prior to marriage, women will work out any problems.

Keep the old saying alive:

Woman marries and expects the man to change.
Man marries and expects nothing to change.

I am glad you found a soul mate, keep in mind, control of the marriage is the basic thread that binds.

Let the Flaming Begin!

 

[Moonbeam]

This is a very big subject with lots of implications and ramifications. Very very briefly: Each of us feels that he or she is the worst in the world. We don't know we feel this and we don't want to know. The cause is that we were put down as children. The result is that we aren't capable of love and can't believe we are loveable. We want love but push it away if it comes. We test our mates in ways they are sure to fail. We fail in love so we can get close to feeling how unloved we already really feel. Some of us express this easily like your girlfriend. For others the feelings are deeply masked.

What can you do? I don't know. The only answer I can see is self work, psychological work, perhaps with a therapist who understands the reality of repressed memory, who can help a person to relive and reexperience the past deeply enough to realize we have bought a lie, the lie that we are unloveable. One has to want to do this. Most people seem to want to continue to imagine that our problems are out there in the world, not the product of our own minds. We can't change other people. We can only change ourselves. Thus, what you can do is to work on yourself. For example, I would say that when you say that trust is important to you, you probably didn't think to look at yourself. You probably meant that being trusted was important and may not have noticed that you too can't trust. Trust is the last act of the sick. To trust is to become well. This is not obvious or easy to understand. I would say that if you trusted you would not absolutely have to be trusted. Not being trusted makes you feel bad about yourself. You feel untrustworthy. If you didn't you wouldn't need to be trusted. Real love doesn't look for some payback.

 

[starlitt]

Communication plays a BIG role in the relationship, talk to her about it, let her express her frustrations. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have done nothing but communicate our feelings. He once got scared that I wasn't paying any attention to him because I had my mind on finals, its a very good thing that he told me too cause I didn't want him to feel neglected if he didn't tell me that he felt the way he did our relationship would crumble. You getting what I am trying to say? Well,I hope this helps, good luck.