Is my bf cheating?

[Nitemare]

Probably overreacting, however; if he is off getting plastered with his buds while leaving you at home...This is cause for alarm.

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
Well, we've been dating for about 5 months now. Everything has always been good between us. Part of his job description is working 14+ hours a day, so we usually only see eachother weekends and some weeknights. But about 5 of the 7 days/nights of the week I know exactly where he is and what he is doing.

But here's what makes me suspicious. The other night he invited me to go out with him and his friends but I didn't feel like it. So I told him to call me when he got home. He did and I went over to his place. He was, of course, completely drunk. Right as we're about to climb into bed he grabs his cell phone and starts going out the door. When I ask him what the heck he thinks he's doing, he says "I need to make a phone call. We were supposed to meet up with some people and they're probably waiting." Immediately I'm suspicious for two reasons, one he'd been home for like an hour now and just now decides to call? And two, he's never been bashful about talking to any of his friends in front of me.

So I put my foot down and tell him that its 3:30am and no one is waiting and make him to go to bed. But he already started dialing. But before he says anything, he hangs up and passes out. By this point I'm fairly annoyed and get up and leave. But not before I look at his cell phone (I know, I know) and the person he dials has a female name. Very interesting.

My question, whats the chances that this isn't exactly what it seems and maybe it was an innocent phone call. And what should I do?

jeez with your actions, I feel sorry for him. Sorry to say but you seem to be very controlling.
flame away

 

[Crimzon]

Originally posted by: SuepaFly

Originally posted by: Sepen

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
You wouldn't be offended/suspicious after you and your girlfriend do your thing and she gets up to leave the room and make a drunk phone call to some guy at 3:30 in the morning?

You had said as you were about to climb in to bed? Now you did it? If anything I would be suspicious of you.

Give the man a break, do you act abnormal when you are drunk?

If you're familiar with the whole thing, there is a cleanup process. I didn't think details of that would be all that necessary. And yes, I do some abnormal stuff when I'm drunk, but not everything I do is abnormal. What I'm trying to figure out is whether what he was doing was abnormal or normal (but kept a secret).

Well initially you said "right as we're *about* to climb into bed, so I would have assumed you just got there and wanted to crawl into bed with him. If that were the case, I totally stand by what I said. If you two were just... re adjusting from earlier. Then, yeah I'd be a little "wtf?" If I was in your shoes though, I would've let him make the call and just listened in. But I'll come back to: You said he was drunk. That sorta excuses weird behavior, and I wouldn't go outta my way to create a buncha drama over this. You want to ask, ask him "So what was so important you had to make a call in the middle of the night?" If he says nothing, let it go, and wait for a little more serious proof.

 

[ScrapSilicon]

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
Well, we've been dating for about 5 months now. Everything has always been good between us. Part of his job description is working 14+ hours a day, so we usually only see eachother weekends and some weeknights. But about 5 of the 7 days/nights of the week I know exactly where he is and what he is doing.

But here's what makes me suspicious. The other night he invited me to go out with him and his friends but I didn't feel like it. So I told him to call me when he got home. He did and I went over to his place. He was, of course, completely drunk. Right as we're about to climb into bed he grabs his cell phone and starts going out the door. When I ask him what the heck he thinks he's doing, he says "I need to make a phone call. We were supposed to meet up with some people and they're probably waiting." Immediately I'm suspicious for two reasons, one he'd been home for like an hour now and just now decides to call? And two, he's never been bashful about talking to any of his friends in front of me.

So I put my foot down and tell him that its 3:30am and no one is waiting and make him to go to bed. But he already started dialing. But before he says anything, he hangs up and passes out. By this point I'm fairly annoyed and get up and leave. But not before I look at his cell phone (I know, I know) and the person he dials has a female name. Very interesting.

My question, whats the chances that this isn't exactly what it seems and maybe it was an innocent phone call. And what should I do?

jeez with your actions, I feel sorry for him. Sorry to say but you seem to be very controlling.
flame away

I was thinking that and believe someone(including myself ) needs to get out more and enjoy life outside...uh...did I type that..? :frown:

 

[Hammer]

stop being such a suspicious gf. your bf didn't do anything wrong. could be anything. let it go.

 

[SagaLore]

Well first off, if het gets himself that drunk then maybe you should find better... so you guys sleep together in the same bed, you're living together only after 5 months, and you don't have complete trust him in him? Not a very smart move.

 

[nativesunshine]

Originally posted by: Crimzon
*shrugs* When I'm drunk I tend to call people, no idea why. So I wouldn't be surprised if that's all he was doing. I agree with the folk who said if he originally invited you, but you said no, he wouldn't go call up someone to cheat on you with. I take it he was out with some friends, so he was probably enjoying a boy's night out. Needless to say, every time I go out with the boys, and their gf's accuse them of cheating on them just because they went out without them, that just ruffles my feathers. Sadly though, it happens every fvckin time, and it's getting really annoying, cause they usually accuse ME of starting it all.

Actually...my bf said that when he's drunk and he calls people (namely girls)..and if just to chat or whatever...it means he really likes her. He did that with me a couple times before we started going out. Hmm...but after that....he doesn't call when drunk anymore....either because he knows i get kinda upset when he's drunk (b/c he acts like a complete fool)..or because he doesn't like me enough to call anymore....

A couple weeks ago ...during that huge snow storm in Jersey....I know he called up a girl while completely wasted...he even posted about it here. We got into a fight sometime during that storm (not about the girl)....and I worked up the courage to ask if he's ever cheated...or wanted to be with someone else. But of course, what guy in his right mind would admit to cheating on his girlfriend...TO his girlfriend? Yea...so if he's ever cheated on me....I hope the guilt eats him up inside until he can't stand it anymore and confesses....but until if and when that happens...I'll keep my mouth shut and hope for the best. That's all I can do, right?

To SuepaFly....have faith. Don't jump too quickly into too many wrong conclusions. Wait til you have more evidence or something. Good luck.

EDIT: oh yea...drunkeness is NOT and will NEVER be an excuse for anything. It's like you're saying....I beat up my wife last night and almost killed her...b/c I was drunk. NO EXCUSE. You're responsible for what you do...drunk or not.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
You wouldn't be offended/suspicious after you and your girlfriend do your thing and she gets up to leave the room and make a drunk phone call to some guy at 3:30 in the morning?

Cell phones keep a dial log. Just look at his previous calls in the cell phone.

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: nativesunshine

Originally posted by: Crimzon
*shrugs* When I'm drunk I tend to call people, no idea why. So I wouldn't be surprised if that's all he was doing. I agree with the folk who said if he originally invited you, but you said no, he wouldn't go call up someone to cheat on you with. I take it he was out with some friends, so he was probably enjoying a boy's night out. Needless to say, every time I go out with the boys, and their gf's accuse them of cheating on them just because they went out without them, that just ruffles my feathers. Sadly though, it happens every fvckin time, and it's getting really annoying, cause they usually accuse ME of starting it all.

Actually...my bf said that when he's drunk and he calls people (namely girls)..and if just to chat or whatever...it means he really likes her. He did that with me a couple times before we started going out. Hmm...but after that....he doesn't call when drunk anymore....either because he knows i get kinda upset when he's drunk (b/c he acts like a complete fool)..or because he doesn't like me enough to call anymore....

A couple weeks ago ...during that huge snow storm in Jersey....I know he called up a girl while completely wasted...he even posted about it here. We got into a fight sometime during that storm (not about the girl)....and I worked up the courage to ask if he's ever cheated...or wanted to be with someone else. But of course, what guy in his right mind would admit to cheating on his girlfriend...TO his girlfriend? Yea...so if he's ever cheated on me....I hope the guilt eats him up inside until he can't stand it anymore and confesses....but until if and when that happens...I'll keep my mouth shut and hope for the best. That's all I can do, right?

To SuepaFly....have faith. Don't jump too quickly into too many wrong conclusions. Wait til you have more evidence or something. Good luck.

If you're that suspicious of him, you really should get out of the relationship. Because it?s on a downhill course and out of control. If you feel you deserve better, then you do.

 

[Geekbabe]

He invited you along and had no problem with you meeting him when he got home.Leave him alone already,he's gonna have enough of a headache without you adding to it be being a biatch.

 

[ScrapSilicon]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
He invited you along and had no problem with you meeting him when he got home.Leave him alone already,he's gonna have enough of a headache without you adding to it be being a biatch.

nuff said

 

[SharkyTM]

you could just "borrow" his cell and call that name... get the number, then reverse lookup it...

 

[CraigRT]

I'd be suspicious, but you can't go ape over this one time... I'd wait til he's NOT drunk and see what he has to say, or see what happens.

 

[Supahfreak]

Ask him...

FreAk

 

[SuepaFly]

Originally posted by: nativesunshine

Originally posted by: Crimzon
*shrugs* When I'm drunk I tend to call people, no idea why. So I wouldn't be surprised if that's all he was doing. I agree with the folk who said if he originally invited you, but you said no, he wouldn't go call up someone to cheat on you with. I take it he was out with some friends, so he was probably enjoying a boy's night out. Needless to say, every time I go out with the boys, and their gf's accuse them of cheating on them just because they went out without them, that just ruffles my feathers. Sadly though, it happens every fvckin time, and it's getting really annoying, cause they usually accuse ME of starting it all.

Actually...my bf said that when he's drunk and he calls people (namely girls)..and if just to chat or whatever...it means he really likes her. He did that with me a couple times before we started going out. Hmm...but after that....he doesn't call when drunk anymore....either because he knows i get kinda upset when he's drunk (b/c he acts like a complete fool)..or because he doesn't like me enough to call anymore....

A couple weeks ago ...during that huge snow storm in Jersey....I know he called up a girl while completely wasted...he even posted about it here. We got into a fight sometime during that storm (not about the girl)....and I worked up the courage to ask if he's ever cheated...or wanted to be with someone else. But of course, what guy in his right mind would admit to cheating on his girlfriend...TO his girlfriend? Yea...so if he's ever cheated on me....I hope the guilt eats him up inside until he can't stand it anymore and confesses....but until if and when that happens...I'll keep my mouth shut and hope for the best. That's all I can do, right?

To SuepaFly....have faith. Don't jump too quickly into too many wrong conclusions. Wait til you have more evidence or something. Good luck.

EDIT: oh yea...drunkeness is NOT and will NEVER be an excuse for anything. It's like you're saying....I beat up my wife last night and almost killed her...b/c I was drunk. NO EXCUSE. You're responsible for what you do...drunk or not.

Thanks. I think lots of it that just a few days prior he was telling me about how his roommate cheats on his girlfriend all the time, and he was so non-chalant about it all. That and we've been discussing relationships of the past, and his seem to include some pretty casual sex. Add it all up, it makes me think a bit differently. Overall though, I trust him to go out with his friends, hang out with his secretary, stuff like that; mostly because he is very open about it.

Geekbabe: You've got it all wrong. I act completely normal around him, and it doesn't take much effort. I'm not giving him any sort of headache, I'm giving ATOT a headache. I'm an insomniac. What else am I going to think about at this time of the morning?

 

[squirrel dog]

Anyone working 14 hours a day probably wouldnt have the energy to keep more than one woman happy.

 

[Isla]

Originally posted by: SuepaFly
Well, we've been dating for about 5 months now. Everything has always been good between us. Part of his job description is working 14+ hours a day, so we usually only see eachother weekends and some weeknights. But about 5 of the 7 days/nights of the week I know exactly where he is and what he is doing.

But here's what makes me suspicious. The other night he invited me to go out with him and his friends but I didn't feel like it. So I told him to call me when he got home. He did and I went over to his place. He was, of course, completely drunk. Right as we're about to climb into bed he grabs his cell phone and starts going out the door. When I ask him what the heck he thinks he's doing, he says "I need to make a phone call. We were supposed to meet up with some people and they're probably waiting." Immediately I'm suspicious for two reasons, one he'd been home for like an hour now and just now decides to call? And two, he's never been bashful about talking to any of his friends in front of me.

So I put my foot down and tell him that its 3:30am and no one is waiting and make him to go to bed. But he already started dialing. But before he says anything, he hangs up and passes out. By this point I'm fairly annoyed and get up and leave. But not before I look at his cell phone (I know, I know) and the person he dials has a female name. Very interesting.

My question, whats the chances that this isn't exactly what it seems and maybe it was an innocent phone call. And what should I do?

Mistake #1...


So I told him to call me when he got home. He did and I went over to his place.

Huh???? Why are you so available? If it were me, I'd be deeply asleep after having done my own thing for the evening. If you needed sex, you could have masturbated. He would have! What were you doing, waiting up for him to call you, like that was the highlight of your night or something? Or worse, like you are his mom making sure he got home all right? He's a big boy now, at least he should be.

There is something about supply and demand... sounds like you might be giving him a surplus. Focus more on doing your own thing and you won't have to worry about his bad behavior, one way or the other.

Just my .02....

 

[EXman]

it was a Booty call!

but don't you count as Booty when he's druink?

makes no sence?!:Q

 

[lilFajita]

If I had to speculate, I imagine that he was with all his friends, they got wasted, met a group of girls, maybe in groupthink decided to get together later. He probably forgot/changed his mind, then went home and called you. Upon somewhat sobering up, remembered the events, and thought to call the girl(s) to (hopefully) tell them nevermind.

There are many valid opinions here. Sometimes though, it pays to be a little suspicious, for your own sake. I wouldn't really get in an uproar or anything about it, but you might mention that you thought it was strange that he acted that way, when he normally doesn't. However, you need much more evidence to accuse him of anything. Just be careful with your feelings.

 

[theNEOone]

The circumstances alone seem mighty suspucious IMHO. Sometimes it's just a coincidence, other times it's not. Sometimes you can almost feel the truth. What does your instinct tell you? I can't begin to tell you how many times my "gut feeling" has proven itself worthy.

::Curses gut feeling grrrrrrrrrr:|::

 

so...an overcontrolling g/f that does not trust her b/f is coming to a group of geeks for advice?

 

[godmare]

Maybe he just thought that if you knew he called a girl (even a friend), that you'd overreact (like you are now), so he strived to conceal it from you.
Of course, there's not really any such thing as being 'friends' with a girl, you've seen 'When Harry Met Sally', right? Billy Crystal was right.

 

[Mallow]

If I did something like that my girlfriend would just come out and ask me and I would tell her the truth if I loved her.

 

[nativesunshine]

Originally posted by: Mallow
If I did something like that my girlfriend would just come out and ask me and I would tell her the truth if I loved her.

Well..not all boys would be willing to confess....no matter how much they love their girlfriends. Consider yourself special...

 

[Segasight]

Call Cheaters the TV show (I like that show)