I probably shouldn't say anything, but I guess I will post something. I never dated much when I was younger, and I don't date much now that I am in my late 30's. To be honest I am ugly. However I want to say something. When I was younger I wanted to date really hot women. I thought that by doing so it would give meaning to my life. Like I am someone. After a while as I got into my late 20's early 30's I started to see Women in their early 20's less attractive. Most of them wanted something I couldn't give them. Like a big house, or car or plenty of money. My life has been difficult, and I know for a fact that most women would just cut and run if I were with them. So that is what it is about for me now. Finding a woman who has morals. I am not talking about high standards like a big house or fancy car, but about being true to another. My life has been so different than most other peoples that I doubt that I will ever meet someone like that. I keep looking kind of, I don't put pressure on myself or anything. I have learned after living with myself for a while that I had my priorities all messed up. I now believe that my life is about me and what i do with my life. If I were to find someone with the right qualities then my life priorities would change a little. I don't believe in going out and just having sex all the time because someone is hot or being in the "right" place at the right time.
It used to bother me that I might die alone, but it doesn't bother me anymore. I lost my mother and father a few years ago. I realized with their sickness that we all die alone. When I would be around my parents when they were sick I would get to feeling sick too. It was just to much for me. So yes I want to die alone. I don't want others that I love to have to feel bad because I am ill. I know many or most people aren't like I am in the regard of feeling emotionally ill and passing out and stuff, but still, I don't want anyone to have to suffer on my account. I also learned that I am no longer afraid of death. I don't want to die, but it is something that we all have to face in our life. It is natural. The death of my parents was hard for me to go through. It has taken 3 years for me to be half way decent emotionally. I think I am a better person now, not better than anyone else, but a little more understanding of situations and circumstances people have to go through.
No matter what others tell you about your post, I hope that you have a good life and that in some small way that you can help others. That is all we can really do in this life. When we die, homes, money, social status means nothing. Live your life for now, because that is all we really have. Think about your future and what you want tho. May you have peace of mind and a gentle breeze to your face.
Perry
EDIT: Changed 4 years to 3 years. Also wanted to add that these are my honest thoughts on the matter of marriage and life.
Perry