Need a joke...

GTaudiophile

Lifer
Oct 24, 2000
29,767
33
81
I will be visiting a middle school class of kids tomorrow. That's grades 6-8. I have been told they are in a special STEM program.

The teacher inviting me has a tradition of having his guests tell a joke to the kids at the start of the school day.

Any AGE-APPROPRIATE jokes to suggest?

Thanks.
 

TridenT

Lifer
Sep 4, 2006
16,800
45
91
Two flys are on a piece of shit. One fly farts. The other says, "Hey! Do you mind?! I'm eatin' here."

-Drew Carey
 

Naer

Diamond Member
Nov 28, 2013
3,403
175
106
my ex gf owned a parrokeet, did you hear what just said? She owned a parokeet. God, that fcking thing never shut up...but the bird was cool
 

gorcorps

aka Brandon
Jul 18, 2004
30,739
454
126
I remember telling this in my youth

http://jokes.cc.com/funny-animal/1qanmg/three-dumb-hunters

Three idiots decide to go hunting. The first one says he's going to get a buck. He goes out, and indeed comes back with a buck. The other two hunters ask how he did it. He says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get buck."
So the second hunter says that he's going to get a doe. And he does. They ask him how he did it, and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get doe."
So the third hunter says, "I'm just gonna shoot at anything I see."
So he goes out and comes back half a day later all beaten, bruised, bloody, and totally trashed. The other two hunters ask him what happened and he says, "I see tracks. I follow tracks. I get hit by train!"
 

Rhezuss

Diamond Member
Jan 31, 2006
4,118
34
91
Two guys are standing on a bridge. One has long hairs and the other don't care.
 

Jodell88

Diamond Member
Jan 29, 2007
8,762
30
91
Why does a bicycle always fall over?

Because it's two tired.

----------------------------------------------------

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
 
Last edited:

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
72,165
32,538
136
From the time Charlie was a little kid he wanted to drive a street car. He dreamed about it, talked about, had pictures of street cars in his room, read books about them, everything in Charlie's world was street cars. On his 21st birthday, Charlie went down to the public works department and took the driver's exam. He flunked. So Charlie spent the next six months studying night and day to pass the exam. He flunked again. Now Charlie was desperate. If he failed the exam a third time, that was it, he could never be a street car driver. So Charlie studied all the more. He read every manual over and over. He memorized the routes, knew all the rules. Yet on his third try he flunked for good. Charlie was heart broken. He wandered the streets in anguish.

Then, one day Charlie saw a driver hop off the street car to fetch a soda. Charlie thought "Here is my chance". Charlie jumped in the driver's seat and took off. Charlie was in heaven, he was driving a street car! He laughed aloud in absolute joy. He slammed into a crowd of pedestrians, killing fourteen. The police lead him away in cuffs as he screamed that it wasn't his fault.

Charlie was found guilty of fourteen counts of negligent homicide and sentenced to death. On the day of his execution Charlie, still pleading his innocence, was strapped into the electric chair, and the switch was thrown. The power surged yet nothing happened to Charlie. The warden came forth and told Charlie that he was free to go. Under the rules of the state, if an execution failed the prisoner was freed. Charlie broke down in utter despair, sobbing and cursing his fate. The warden, puzzled to say the least, asked Charlie why he was so sad. Charlie replied "I just realized that I really am a bad conductor."
 

HamburgerBoy

Lifer
Apr 12, 2004
27,111
318
126
From the time Charlie was a little kid he wanted to drive a street car. He dreamed about it, talked about, had pictures of street cars in his room, read books about them, everything in Charlie's world was street cars. On his 21st birthday, Charlie went down to the public works department and took the driver's exam. He flunked. So Charlie spent the next six months studying night and day to pass the exam. He flunked again. Now Charlie was desperate. If he failed the exam a third time, that was it, he could never be a street car driver. So Charlie studied all the more. He read every manual over and over. He memorized the routes, knew all the rules. Yet on his third try he flunked for good. Charlie was heart broken. He wandered the streets in anguish.

Then, one day Charlie saw a driver hop off the street car to fetch a soda. Charlie thought "Here is my chance". Charlie jumped in the driver's seat and took off. Charlie was in heaven, he was driving a street car! He laughed aloud in absolute joy. He slammed into a crowd of pedestrians, killing fourteen. The police lead him away in cuffs as he screamed that it wasn't his fault.

Charlie was found guilty of fourteen counts of negligent homicide and sentenced to death. On the day of his execution Charlie, still pleading his innocence, was strapped into the electric chair, and the switch was thrown. The power surged yet nothing happened to Charlie. The warden came forth and told Charlie that he was free to go. Under the rules of the state, if an execution failed the prisoner was freed. Charlie broke down in utter despair, sobbing and cursing his fate. The warden, puzzled to say the least, asked Charlie why he was so sad. Charlie replied "I just realized that I really am a bad conductor."

:awe:
 

Maximilian

Lifer
Feb 8, 2004
12,604
15
81
Whats the best thing about having a homeless girlfriend? You can drop her off wherever you want
 

twinrider1

Diamond Member
Sep 28, 2003
4,096
64
91
Ask any question.
Pause
Call out, Deeez Nuts.
Pause
Say, Got 'em.

It's the current joke/vine for middle school kids.
 

NuclearNed

Raconteur
May 18, 2001
7,862
354
126
I went on a guided cave tour a few weeks ago, and the guide told this one to the kids:

How do Mexicans cut their pizza?

<Mexican accent>With Little Caesars</Mexican accent>
 

JTsyo

Lifer
Nov 18, 2007
11,994
1,104
126
Might need some explaining for kids:

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.

The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"

The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"

"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schrodinger.

The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.
 
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