Only in America......
1. Only in America, can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America, are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
3. Only in America, do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America, do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
5. Only in America, do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
6. Only in America, do we use answering machines to screen calls,
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call, from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
7. Only in America, do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
in packages of eight.
8. Only in America, do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
9. Only in America, do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
And in case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer goods:
1. On a Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's
the only time I have to work on my hair]
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special]
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
[And that would be how...?]
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
[But it's just a suggestion]
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not
turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating". [As sure as night follows the day]
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
[But wouldn't this save even more time?]
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication. [We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" [One would hope]
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only". [As opposed to what?]
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
[I gotta admit, I'm curious...!].
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly". [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for
this one!]
1. Only in America, can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America, are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
3. Only in America, do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America, do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
5. Only in America, do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
6. Only in America, do we use answering machines to screen calls,
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call, from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
7. Only in America, do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns
in packages of eight.
8. Only in America, do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
9. Only in America, do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
And in case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer goods:
1. On a Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's
the only time I have to work on my hair]
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special]
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
[And that would be how...?]
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
[But it's just a suggestion]
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not
turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating". [As sure as night follows the day]
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
[But wouldn't this save even more time?]
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication. [We could do a lot to
reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get
those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" [One would hope]
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only". [As opposed to what?]
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
[I gotta admit, I'm curious...!].
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open
packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
enable you to fly". [I don't blame the company. I do blame parents for
this one!]