post a stupid joke here...

[Specialist]

How do you know if a blond has been in the freezer?






































































































Cocumber is wet.
ahahahah
ahahah

 

[vailman]

Did you hear about the new pirate movie?























[Blackbeard impression]It's rated Rrrrrrrrr!!![/Blackbeard impression]

 

[Shuxclams]

What do you get when you drop a baby grand down a mine shaft?

























A Flat Minor!







SHUX

 

[Mday]

snl

my face will be leaving town in a few minutes, be on it.......

referring to a woman of course...

 

[littleman]

hmmmmmmm
a panda walks into a bar and orders some food. He eats it, shoots the bartender, then walks out. Somebody asks him why he did that, but the panda said to just look panda up in a dictionary.















It said: Panda n. Eats shoots and leaves ahahha get it?

 

[Shuxclams]

Knock Knock


Who's there?


Boo


Boo who?



Well you don't have to cry about it.









SHUX

 

[kami]

Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?

He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

 

[MrsSkywalker]

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrup...
MOO!!!

* * * * * * *
What did Washington say to his troops before crossing the Deleware?

Get in the boat!

* * * * * * *
Where did Napolean keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

* * * * * * *
Two blondes were walking in a field when they spotted some tracks.
The first blond says, "I think they're deer tracks!"
The second says, "No, I think they're bear tracks."
The first one shook her head, and they began arguing back and forth.


Poor things... they never even heard the train coming....

* * * * * * *
What do you give a six hundred pound gorilla?


Anything he wants!

* * * * * * *
How do you get down from an elephant?

You don't...you get down from a duck!

* * * * * * *
How many mosquitos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. The question is, how did they get in there in the first place?

* * * * * * *
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Purple hippopotomus.

* * * * * * *
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but it really has to want to change!

 

[Lil-Sweetie]

What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?






DAM!

 

[allan120]

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs?
Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in some leaves?
Russell.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the sea?
Bob.

What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen.

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg?
Irene.

 

[tommyc]

Why do lawyers wear neckties ?













To hold back their foreskins !!! :|

 

[Dorn]

3 engineers were standing around discussing the creation of the human body. The first said, "You know, I bet God is a mechanical engineer. It's just amazing the fluidity of the joints, bones, muscles and ligaments - like a finely tuned machine. The second replied, "No, God must be an electrical engineer - the way the nervous system transmits electrical signals bewteen the nerves and the brain is a thing of sheer beauty." The third simply shook his head and said, "The human body was obviously designed by a civil engineer. What other idiot would lay a toxic waste pipe down the middle of a recreational zone?"

<Insert Rim Shot>
====
The engineer goes to college to find out how things work. The scientist goes to find out why things work. The accountant goes to college to find out how much things cost.

The liberal arts major goes to find out, &quot;Would you like fries with that?&quot;
====
A college student was shopping at a local grocery store and pushed a full cart load down the clearly marked &quot;9 Items or Less Express Lane.&quot; The clerk looked at her and asked, &quot;Science Major or Liberal Arts?&quot; The student looked puzzled and responded, &quot;Why do you ask?&quot;

The clerk replied, &quot;I wanted to know whether you couldn't read or couldn't count.&quot;
====
The optimist thinks the glass is half-full.
The pessimist thinks the glass is half-empty.
The engineer thinks the glass is too damn big.

 

[Frenchie]

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.
&quot;You have no arms!&quot; &quot;No matter,&quot; said the man. &quot;Observe!&quot;
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, &quot;Bishop, who was this man?&quot;
I don't know his name,&quot; the bishop sadly replied, &quot;but his face rings a bell.&quot;

----WAIT! WAIT! ------There's more . . .

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanilogist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, &quot;Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.&quot;
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as
the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first
bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.
&quot;What has happened? Who is this man?&quot; the first monk asked breathlessly.
&quot;I don't know his name,&quot; sighed the distraught bishop, but...&quot;

------Wait for it ....... ---------------It's worth it.......

&quot;He's a dead ringer for his brother.&quot;

 

[IronMike]

These jokes are about as funny as:

A screen door in a submarine or a truckload of dead babies.

 

[FrogDog]

What's brown and sticky?
























A stick.

 

[3615buck]

What's the difference between an American coffee and a man &amp; a woman lying in a canoe ?
















There is none, they are both f...ing close to water !

 

[Locutus of Board]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her
nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, &quot;Ms Whack,
I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation.&quot;

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his
name
is Kermet Jagger and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he
will
need to secure some collateral against the loan.
She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, &quot;Sure,
I
have this,&quot;and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch
tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager
and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: &quot;There's
a
frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to
borrow
$30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral.&quot;
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. &quot;I mean, what the heck is this?&quot;











So the bank manager looks back at her and says: &quot;It's a knick knack, Patti
Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.&quot;

 

[brandc]

Yankee's manager Joe Torre was a catcher in his playing days. He had a favorite Italian restuaraunt that he'd eat at regularly before each game. The chef there named a dish for him - Chicken Catcher Torre.

 

[BuckMaster]

What do Nuns and 7-UP have in common?





Never Had It, Never Will

 

[bigvince]

a bear is walking through the forest and spots a bunny up ahead. he goes over to the bunny and says &quot;excuse me mr. bunny but do you have a problem with $hit sticking to you fur?&quot;, the bunny replied &quot;no I don't&quot; so the bear picked up the bunny and wiped his ass with it.:Q:Q

 

[Sacotool]

A priest brings his car in to the mechanic to be serviced. After it's fixed he goes in to talk to the mechanic. He asks &quot;Did you tighten the lug nuts?&quot;. The mechanic says &quot;I sure did, they're tight as a nuns c*nt.&quot; The priest says &quot;Better give 'em another turn!&quot;

 

[Quickfingerz]

some of these are actually funny

 

[Locutus of Board]

Where do you find the most fish?

Between the head and the tail.

 

[BuckMaster]

Whats Black and White, Black and White, Black and White....




A nun rolling down a hill BTW...A nun told me these jokes.