Post-Partum Depression for dads?

[Zeze]

I guess it wouldn't be physiological/hormonal. My wife gave birth to a beautiful & healthy daughter a week ago.

It's been a crazy rollercoaster ride- I think I got bit of a shell-shock for watching my wife going through tremendous pain, 4 hours of labor, the baby wouldn't come out so we had to do a C-section.

The C-section is common as we know, it's no big deal. My wife got uncontrollable shakes from anesthesia (also normal and even informed in advance). But I think watching her shake like that scarred me. Her lips got real pale in the recovery room too. I felt so sorry for my wife. I felt like it was somehow partly my fault for making her go through such awful trauma. The day after, it broke my heart that she could barely take a step every 30 seconds.

Then the kid also had a mild case of jaundice. Tons of worrying and emotional trampolining.

I stayed strong for my wife- supporting her and cheering her up. But at one point I had to go find some privacy and I found myself breaking down.

Today, everything is perfectly fine. Both the baby and the baby mom are healthy. This is an incredible blessing.

But as a dad, why do I feel all crappy? Everything is fine on paper. But I just feel utterly miserable. Even my wife finally noticed it today and asked if I was okay.

I think the new job is taking its toll too- on top of this baby.

 

[WelshBloke]

But as a dad, why do I feel all crappy?

Because you've been through an incredibly traumatic experience in which you have had to be the one that was the support for your partner.

On the plus side it's a sign that you really care about both your partner and child. You'll be a great dad.


(it is scary at times, I nearly lost my wife on the second one.)

 

[blackdogdeek]

Helplessness and guilt.

It's EXTREMELY stressful to watch loved ones go through pain and suffering and not be able to help at all. Compounding that fact is that you were forced to watch for several hours. Further compounding that fact is that the work stress is probably magnifying your emotions.

Don't worry, though. It sounds like everyone made it through the hard part. It gets much better very quickly. There will still be stress but at least you'll be able to help and you'll see how that empowerment helps.

PS - Congrats and Happy Father's Day!

 

[SP33Demon]

Sounds like a lot of stress, you'll get through it. Just keep lifting heavy, the endorphins will help combat depression and keep your Test up.

 

[Kaido]

How's your sleeping patterns been? Nothing will put you into a depression faster than a screwed-up sleep schedule. Especially with the added stress of a new baby! What typically messes up your body is:

1. Not getting enough sleep
2. Changing your sleeping pattern (bedtime change & waking up with the baby during the night)
3. Not staying on top of your food intake (regular meals with protein & not just junk food)

So basically, if you've had an inconsistent sleep schedule lately, and also have changed your typical diet due to hectic situations, and throw new stress on top of that...it can knock you down pretty quick. Things will even out tho, just give it time. Also, congrats on the new addition to your family! And fwiw, jaundice is fairly normal, don't worry about it too much.

 

[Kaido]

Sounds like a lot of stress, you'll get through it. Just keep lifting heavy, the endorphins will help combat depression and keep your Test up.

+1 for exercise-induced endrophins :thumbsup:

imo the hardest part of exercising when being a new dad is the fatigue level from lack of sleep. Unless you happen to get a super good baby who sleeps all night, you're just going to be wiped 24/7 for awhile and that really makes it difficult to be consistent with your workouts.

 

[RagingBITCH]

Focus your energy and concentration on her and your new baby. I had some of the same feelings when my son was born (8 months ago) - it was difficult as you said, but it wouldn't be called labor if it was easy. Some of the books mentioned the men's post partum.

A lot of it is just you worrying as a man about things - new baby, your wife recovering, money, caring for a new life, etc. It'll all get better my friend.

For me, it just helped to focus on the fact that all your energy should be geared towards your new baby and helping your wife recover. It's no longer all about you. Congrats on the new one.

 

[vi edit]

There's some serious adjustment with your first child. Your wife's body is no longer adventure land for you. She's now a 24 hour buffet line for the kiddo. The c-section *IS* a major surgery and can screw up her bikini body and self esteem. Her hormones are going batshit as she readjusts and her body is being seriously beat up as she recovers and nurses.

You'll lose the wife as you knew her for a bit, there's a new #1 priority in town that she'll take care of first. You'll be sleeping a lot less. And have a shit load more to worry about.

My wife is the biological "mom", but in our house I do a lot more of the typical "Mom" tasks. Cooking, cleaning, a lot more caring for of the kids. It's changed my personality and not necessarily for the best. I'm a lot more anxious and stressed than I was before kids. I've never bounced back from that.

 

[JBT]

I had a rough time after our second child. So bad I actually went to the "talk" to someone about it for a few months. I'd say the worst of it was the first 6 months but may have been almost a year till I felt back to "normal" I, like you had tons of stuff going on. New job, trying to sell our sinking house, crappy diet and virtually no exercise. Toward the tail end of that I started taking MY Health more seriously and I think that really catapulted me back over the line toward feeling better. Focusing on my self a little bit helped ME do a better job of taking care of MY family.

 

[Scarpozzi]

With my kids, I felt instantly connected to them in some ways, but was totally disconnected from them because I didn't know them. Babies have personalities and it takes a long time to truly bond with them.

As a father, I bonded more with my daughter...not just because she warms up to males more than females (and the opposite for my son), but because my wife wasn't able to breastfeed with her...so I got to feed her and bond. It's important if your wife pumps breast milk to give you a chance to feel more connected.

 

[Sheep221]

It's not about the childbirth in strict sense, it's about witnessing traumatic experience, medical stuff is creepy and scary probably for everyone beside physicians.

 

[mvbighead]

Haven't been through the whole c-section bit, but jaundice... yep.

I just know when they first put my son on the table to clean off and he was crying I just got extremely sad for a moment. I hadn't slept for 24 hours, and it was just a brand new experience.

Dealing with jaundice was not fun either keeping the kiddo in a baby tanning bed for 24 plus hours straight. But it was short lived and rewarding afterwards.

All in all, I have a healthy 2+ year old who was worth it all. The next 6 months will likely be stressful, but surely nothing like the birth. It'll get MUCH better sir, just hang in there.

 

[IHateMyJob2004]

You feel crappy because you don't get sleep anymore.

 

[Blieb]

Postpartum is very real. I'm all but certain I had it after our first child. The first 8-10 weeks were tough. After that things got a lot better.

Feel free to DM me ...