CSMR: Isn't there a danger here of saying good=nothingness?
M: I do not see this danger but then again I did not say that good=nothingness, as far as I can tell. Basically I was not trying to us nothingness as no thing, but the absence of ego. I think a state of awareness of ones true nature can emerge when the ego disappears. I think the ego is an artificial self we created to cut us off from who we really are.
C: Good is not evil, and if everything that can be conceived is evil then it would be tempting to say that good is nothing, when in fact good is the positive which we cannot understand only against which is the evil that we do understand evil.
M: Hehe, this sentence is one I'm not sure I understand. I was trying to say, and I don't know if what I will say now will be an clear but here goes: Good and evil are the product of duality that arises with the invention of language. The word is not the thing described. A treatise on roses will never equal a rose. Words are symbols and can represent things that do not exist, things such as good and evil. Good and evil are concepts loaded with emotions that are repressed. We are unconscious of the factors in our lives that put meaning to good and evil. We were punished for doing wrong and we internalized the message that it was us, not the action, that was wrong. For out 'sins' love and nurture were withheld or threatened to be withheld. We were co-opted by this pressure and made to conform. Now we are the keepers of our own prison and not only are we not free, but we don't even see the bars. And we are prisoners of duality, forced by a tremendous fear of threat, to believe. It is what makes us ache for the good and despise evil, but what each of us believes is good and evil can be almost anything. What it always is is the denial that what we believe is evil is our real selves. Christ brought forgiveness for sin and a message of forgiveness of others so that the attitude of forgiveness could extend to yourself. We are absolutely sure we are evil but each of us and Jesus are of One.
C: If good is the truth, and thought is evil, is it right to say that the truth is the absence of thought? What would be the use of doing so?
M: There is only being without end. Duality ends when you 'are'. We are not our thoughts but more like the silence on which they are written. Thought is fear. Thought is the replaying of the past. Thought is dead. Thought is powered by feelings we wish to mask with our thoughts. Thought arises from and maintains the ego. When you come to the end of thought it dies. This is why we must know the answer to the sound of one hand clapping. As a child you knew the answer and then you were killed. We don't what that to happen again. So we build a fortress of weapons to defend, or should I say smother our soul. We are terrified of pure being because once we were being and we had no defense. But everything we fear has already happened.
So truth is a state of spontaneous being. Good and evil are a product of thought.
C: But the idea of grace is dependent on this negativity, since grace is the good gift to the evil world; without sin grace is not grace but merit. So grace was not prior to the fall (without anticipating the fall). And in our situation if we experience negativity, and feel that "we are the worst", we can only do so by seeing the good against which we are seen to be the worst. (Otherwise our experience is not negativity but some feeling that cannot be interpreted as true negativity.) So in fact we must be under grace in order to see this negativity. So rather than being a fall from grace, we have a fall into grace! As Paul said, as sin increased, grace increased. Thus we must be always repentant, and at the same time faithful and hopeful.
M: This sounds interesting but I am not sure I get it so rather than trying to figure out exactly what you may mean here let me restate what I think in my own way:
The ego is starving for life because it is a false being. Sin and lusts are about filling this emptiness within. We are separated from Oneness by being imprisoned in a belief in the reality of this false self as the only reality there is. The ego lusts for everything including enlightenment, God, religious truth, etc. But the ego can never have any of these things. Separate cannot enter. The path to truth takes you through ego death. This is why every mythic hero finds the prize by a journey through hell. We have to suffer the crucifixion. The good news, of course, is that we already have and that we were never guilty of anything because there never was any sin. To die now is only to remember we are dead. But the notion of faith and hope are tricky, in my opinion. There should be no faith in and there is no hope for the ego, in my opinion. To have faith in that is to strengthen illusion. We feel that we are evil and we are not. If faith and hope bring a grace that transcends that feeling that is a wonderful thing. But the self hate is tremendous and its denial would require a, for me, unbelievably powerful faith. I understand better surrender to hopelessness.
I wanted to prove there is a God to myself and to the world to cover with meaning what was surely otherwise the 'cold blind indifference of the universe', a universe where good and evil were and are all the same. I wanted to provide a reason for man to be good and I failed. My remorseless insistence on proof destroyed everything. The universe is completely without meaning and good and evil are all the same. I fought against this with every fiber of my being. My life went completely black. I knew then I would never know happiness again.
Well I read some in those times and discovered to my complete rage that the Zen Masters were saying the same thing, except with a big smile on their faces. How did these arrogant fools not know that meaning is vital to life.
One night, deep deep deep in thought I realized something I had missed. If the universe is meaningless, so is the search for meaning. I had not seen that I was holding on to the illusion that life requires a meaning. Bingo, thought ended with a blast of wind on the house and I was only awareness of that wind. Grace for me was the result of a shift in consciousness caused by the wind. It's a mystery to me really, and that's about the best I can say.
But in the infinite silence of being I saw that my heart was alive. Love is without rhyme or reason or need for any meaning. It is what is left when everything else that can leave has left. Now in Zen it seems that the Masters have made this an 'every minute' thing.