18 RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN (Stolen from Fatwallet posting)
1) You have to believe that the nation's last 8-year prosperity was due entirely to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3) You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social Security checks on time.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate abortion, birth control, gay marriages, and what your official language should be.
5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as people don't pray to Allah, Krishna or Buddha.
7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
8) You have to believe that women cannot be trusted with decisions about their own bodies, but that large multinational corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.
9) You know you love Jesus and that Jesus shares your hatred of homosexuals and former president Clinton.
10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities.
11) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.
12) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
13) You have to believe that the American Civil Liberties Union is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the National Rifle Association is good because they defend the Constitution. You have to believe the "right to bear arms" is a constitutional right even though the Supreme Court says it isn't.
14)You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.
15) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than private handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
16) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.
17) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
18) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard Clinton should have been impeached.
1) You have to believe that the nation's last 8-year prosperity was due entirely to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that gas prices are all Clinton's fault.
2) You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3) You have to be against government programs, but expect your Social Security checks on time.
4) You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives, yet you want government to regulate abortion, birth control, gay marriages, and what your official language should be.
5) You have to believe that pollution is OK, so long as it makes a profit.
6) You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as people don't pray to Allah, Krishna or Buddha.
7) You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
8) You have to believe that women cannot be trusted with decisions about their own bodies, but that large multinational corporations should have no regulation or interference whatsoever.
9) You know you love Jesus and that Jesus shares your hatred of homosexuals and former president Clinton.
10) You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in America doesn't diminish your opportunities.
11) You have to believe that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all Americans.
12) You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
13) You have to believe that the American Civil Liberties Union is bad because they defend the Constitution, while the National Rifle Association is good because they defend the Constitution. You have to believe the "right to bear arms" is a constitutional right even though the Supreme Court says it isn't.
14)You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading.
15) You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more Americans than private handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
16) You have to believe that even though governments have supported the arts for 5000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all, the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.
17) You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old growth U.S. forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
18) You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that bastard Clinton should have been impeached.