Social Anxiety poll

[Locut0s]

Originally posted by: Kyle

Originally posted by: StormRider
I rated myself as a 9. In the past, I have only felt "comfortable" in class or work situations. So, if I was in a study group in school, then I was fine. And if I'm working on a project at work with a group of people, then I'm fine.

But when it starts getting "social" then I will have great anxiety because I don't know how to act or talk. I've never really had a social life (had to help out in my parent's restaurant) so I've got nothing to talk about socially. And I get very anxious when people start talking socially because I'm afraid they will ask a little about me and my answers will reveal that I have no friends or social life and it will be very embarrassing. When people start talking about their wives, husbands, or girlfriends I clam up -- I can't relate at all since I've never dated or anything. I'm 45 years old so things will get worse and worse.

I think the root cause of social anxiety is fear of embarrassment.

Right now, the thing that is worrying me is that I heard that security clearances must be renewed every 10 years and it's coming up on my 10th year at work. I had a hard time 10 years ago coming up with personal references and I haven't really kept in touch with the people I put down as personal references so I'm worrying about who to put down as personal references when my renewal comes up. Also, you have to put down a neighbor and I would feel really uncomfortable doing this because I don't really socialize with my neighbors -- I usually just say "hi" or wave and dart inside.

I can really relate to 99% of your post- I am very similar in a lot of ways.
I used to be a 9 maybe about 6+ years ago- I did see a shrink for about 6 months and actually had positive results- I felt incredibly comfterble talking to him, and found it helpful to be able to just talk on end about the anxiety I'd struggled with, and know that he understood (or at least was good at pretending =). He also challenged me to go outside my comfort level- during one session he insisted we walk to the 7-11 and that I make small talk w/ the cashier- I was terrified. Looking back, I did horrible . I actually pulled the "wow, the weather's really nice outside" thing. And because the psychiatrist knew that, like StormRider said, a lot of it stems from fear of embarrassment, he came up behind me and very loudly asked the casheir where they kept their bowties, or something like that.
Anyways- I did find it helpful. the other thing I found helpful was forcing myself to work in social situations- I worked at radio shack for a while, now I'm on the phone talking to people all day. I'd rate myself around a 6 now- still some anxiety, but nothing that really interferes much w/ my day to day life- fear of random encounters is gone, same w/ phone conversations which used to really bother me (calling in for pizza, tech support etc). There is one antidepressant that is approved for social anxiety disorder that I took for a few days, but decided against relying on pills. I'd still consider it if things got a lot worse, but I didnt think it was *quite* bad enough to justify medication.

You two I can relate to

 

[TecHNooB]

Originally posted by: Locut0s

Originally posted by: Kyle

Originally posted by: StormRider
I rated myself as a 9. In the past, I have only felt "comfortable" in class or work situations. So, if I was in a study group in school, then I was fine. And if I'm working on a project at work with a group of people, then I'm fine.

But when it starts getting "social" then I will have great anxiety because I don't know how to act or talk. I've never really had a social life (had to help out in my parent's restaurant) so I've got nothing to talk about socially. And I get very anxious when people start talking socially because I'm afraid they will ask a little about me and my answers will reveal that I have no friends or social life and it will be very embarrassing. When people start talking about their wives, husbands, or girlfriends I clam up -- I can't relate at all since I've never dated or anything. I'm 45 years old so things will get worse and worse.

I think the root cause of social anxiety is fear of embarrassment.

Right now, the thing that is worrying me is that I heard that security clearances must be renewed every 10 years and it's coming up on my 10th year at work. I had a hard time 10 years ago coming up with personal references and I haven't really kept in touch with the people I put down as personal references so I'm worrying about who to put down as personal references when my renewal comes up. Also, you have to put down a neighbor and I would feel really uncomfortable doing this because I don't really socialize with my neighbors -- I usually just say "hi" or wave and dart inside.

I can really relate to 99% of your post- I am very similar in a lot of ways.
I used to be a 9 maybe about 6+ years ago- I did see a shrink for about 6 months and actually had positive results- I felt incredibly comfterble talking to him, and found it helpful to be able to just talk on end about the anxiety I'd struggled with, and know that he understood (or at least was good at pretending =). He also challenged me to go outside my comfort level- during one session he insisted we walk to the 7-11 and that I make small talk w/ the cashier- I was terrified. Looking back, I did horrible . I actually pulled the "wow, the weather's really nice outside" thing. And because the psychiatrist knew that, like StormRider said, a lot of it stems from fear of embarrassment, he came up behind me and very loudly asked the casheir where they kept their bowties, or something like that.
Anyways- I did find it helpful. the other thing I found helpful was forcing myself to work in social situations- I worked at radio shack for a while, now I'm on the phone talking to people all day. I'd rate myself around a 6 now- still some anxiety, but nothing that really interferes much w/ my day to day life- fear of random encounters is gone, same w/ phone conversations which used to really bother me (calling in for pizza, tech support etc). There is one antidepressant that is approved for social anxiety disorder that I took for a few days, but decided against relying on pills. I'd still consider it if things got a lot worse, but I didnt think it was *quite* bad enough to justify medication.

You two I can relate to

Wow, that's severe.

 

[Acanthus]

Originally posted by: Cabages
Do anti-depressants actually help with this?

I went on some for ~3 months and I got around to asking a girl out, which I never had before.

Yes, they do help certain people.

 

[speg]

I used to be pretty anxious (maybe an 8?) but now I don't cary about much of anything. Still lacking a bit of confidence, so I voted 6.

 

[miketheidiot]

i should and that while i am normally fine talking to people face to face, i get very stressed out when i have to talk to someone on the phone. If you only count phones, i'm probably a 9 or 10. I never get phone numbers for anyone, never call a girl back, even close friends and family i'm very uncomfortable on the phone with. Face to face though with the same person is a completely different story.

 

[miketheidiot]

Originally posted by: AmdEmAll
I am around a 7 or 8. However if I am with people I know then I don't really have any anxiety my issue is just with new people. And I have also found that after I workout I usually have no anxiety and I am much more out going. Not sure why this is.

the only times i've ever gotten ass in bulk (well relative to me ) have been in periods that i've been in very good shape and have been working my ass off. I think its part better self esteem, part brain chemistry as someone else talked about. Another thing i've noticed is that i tend to be better off after i've gotten a good haircut, and am well dressed.

 

[miketheidiot]

Originally posted by: Lonyo
I voted 8.
I currently work in a hotel.
It's almost a form of therapy.

I used to be really bad, probably an 8 or 9. I worked in a fast food restaurant and as a cashier at a grocery store, which certainly helped, and joined a fraternity, which was a huge help.

 

[Vortex22]

I'll go with a 4-5. If you would have asked me a couple of years ago it would have been closer to 8, but I'm slowly moving down into 1 territory.

 

[Strk]

Originally posted by: StormRider
I rated myself as a 9. In the past, I have only felt "comfortable" in class or work situations. So, if I was in a study group in school, then I was fine. And if I'm working on a project at work with a group of people, then I'm fine.

But when it starts getting "social" then I will have great anxiety because I don't know how to act or talk. I've never really had a social life (had to help out in my parent's restaurant) so I've got nothing to talk about socially. And I get very anxious when people start talking socially because I'm afraid they will ask a little about me and my answers will reveal that I have no friends or social life and it will be very embarrassing. When people start talking about their wives, husbands, or girlfriends I clam up -- I can't relate at all since I've never dated or anything. I'm 45 years old so things will get worse and worse.

I think the root cause of social anxiety is fear of embarrassment.

Right now, the thing that is worrying me is that I heard that security clearances must be renewed every 10 years and it's coming up on my 10th year at work. I had a hard time 10 years ago coming up with personal references and I haven't really kept in touch with the people I put down as personal references so I'm worrying about who to put down as personal references when my renewal comes up. Also, you have to put down a neighbor and I would feel really uncomfortable doing this because I don't really socialize with my neighbors -- I usually just say "hi" or wave and dart inside.

Sadly, I'm in much of the same boat. I can feel comfortable, to a certain extent, when I'm in situations that include people (work/class sometimes), but when it becomes social, I shy away. My social life has been extremely limited. It's mostly been mired by family issues (parents divorced, dad quit trying when I was 10 or so and haven't seen him for 16 years, although he made sure to write letters telling me how diassapointed he was when my grades dropped, brother has schizoaffective disorder and drug addiction problems).

I have managed to get a few close friends recently. For some reason, they were pretty willing to reach out and put up with my awkwardness. Unfortunately, people have a tendancy to make fun when it comes up. Whether it's not knowing where somewhere is (if you don't go anywhere, how are you supposed to know where something is?) or just showing that you're physically uncomfortable when people talk about certain things, people just react poorly, from my experience. If anything, it reminds me of a thread in the L&R forum where someone is talking about telling someone he doesn't want to be friends anymore. As for the three people I'm close with now, though, I must say, two would be 1 and the last, while he can be a little quiet with complete strangers, he'd still be a 2 or 3.

 

[BoomerD]

Taking this in a slightly different direction...

How do you do with speaking in front of groups of people?

1) People you know slightly (work closely with/in classes with)

2) People you've never met before (but work with or for/go to school with)

3) Total Strangers

Fortunately for me, none of the above usually bother me in the slightest...as long as I know the subject matter well enough to speak semi-intelligently about it.

I get some mild amusement at people who can't even get up in front of the class to give a presentation. Why? No one is gonna laugh at you (usually...not out loud anyway)

MOST people have some discomfort at public speaking. It's normal...but it's something that everyone should learn to do...even if you never need to use it professionally.

 

[bobsmith1492]

I consciously avoid people (particularly the gorgeous secretaries at work) unless there's a reason. Hanging out for no reason just doesn't work unless it's a small group of people who I know.

I guess that's pretty antisocial! I gave myself a 9.

I can figure out how 'most anything works, but people are completely irrational and illogical so there's no hope of figuring them out except perhaps on a case-by-case basis. It's like trying to debug a flaky embedded system... something works and them it doesn't; no repeatability. That tends to make me frustrated.

"Seek pleasure, avoid pain" is one philosophical view of morality. So, if social situations cause pain, why put one's self through it?

 

[JulesMaximus]

I'd rate myself a 3-4.

Never taken drugs for anxiety in my life.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Originally posted by: theflyingpig
10 in every situation, unless I have a gun, then it's 1. A gun makes me feel like a real man.

That's what guns are for. :thumbsup:

 

[Whisper]

Originally posted by: BoomerD
Taking this in a slightly different direction...

How do you do with speaking in front of groups of people?

1) People you know slightly (work closely with/in classes with)

2) People you've never met before (but work with or for/go to school with)

3) Total Strangers

Fortunately for me, none of the above usually bother me in the slightest...as long as I know the subject matter well enough to speak semi-intelligently about it.

I get some mild amusement at people who can't even get up in front of the class to give a presentation. Why? No one is gonna laugh at you (usually...not out loud anyway)

MOST people have some discomfort at public speaking. It's normal...but it's something that everyone should learn to do...even if you never need to use it professionally.

In order of decreasing anxiety level, I'd say that for me personally, the ranking looks like this:

Professors/other knowledgeable individuals > Colleagues > Strangers/students

I definitely worry a bit more when I know my adviser or the department chair will be sitting in on a presentation than I do when I'm preparing a lecture for the course I teach.

 

[Perknose]

Originally posted by: Locut0s

Originally posted by: Perknose
OP, I think your example of no anxiety, #1 is stupid. Hitting on a girl in front of her boyfriend is more ignorant than it is anything else.

Perhaps. I was trying to think of two examples at either extreme. Perhaps that's not the most realistic example. However there are plenty of people who do hit on women in such situations. Perhaps they are assholes but one thing is for sure they lack any shred of anxiety which was my point.

Well, I don't want to belabor what is obviously a minor side point in your thread, but I tend to think people who literally do that are driven by and running FROM other, deeper anxieties relating to their self-worth.

This thread is interesting, hearing from those of you who do suffer from somewhat extreme social anxiety. I wonder what part of this is nature (biological) and what part nurture (upbringing/experience.)

I have my own challenges, we ALL do, but social anxiety certainly isn't one of them. I'm a natural ham and am quite at ease talking before groups and LOVE to just randomly start convos with people in social and public situations.

But my wife was quite shy, and I was very happy to have been there for her as she rose up the corporate ladder, always doubting that she could do the job. I always KNEW she could because she was not only smart, but very, very wise and kind. I always noticed the gleam of happiness in the eyes of her female friends -- they truly loved and treasured her.

It seems to me that one's level of general ease and self-confidence gets more or less set at a fairly young age -- in fact, it seems our overall self-image does. That's why people who were fat as kids tend to always think of themselves in those terms underneath it all even if they trim down as adults.

 

[SlitheryDee]

Probably about a 7.

I hate carrying on conversations because so few people say anything I'm interested in. So many people are used to talking on and on about nothing, apparently just to have something coming out of their mouths. That makes me sound like an ass, but I'm constantly finding myself completely losing whatever it is the other person's saying. Sometimes I force it, but I can't ever think of anything relevant to say even if I'm following the conversation a lot of the time. This creates anxiety which worsens the problem immeasurably, which creates more anxiety. It leads me to avoid conversation and thus, one-on-one encounters with other people.

 

[yhelothar]

I've been battling social emptiness for the past two years or so. But I've been on both sides of the fence.
In my late teens, I had this social mania, if you will, and I was so alive and full of energy, enthusiastic among people when I speak, often being the class clown, cracking jokes and what not. I had plenty of dates, and met my gf, now ex.
But slowly that began to all tumble down as I began to be more critical of myself, and I began to take the opposite end. I felt dead in social situations, I'd just feel empty inside. And often, when I socialize, I would feel a great pressure to meet certain demands that I created when I was very critical of myself. This did make things tense. I think I bottomed out to an 8 or 9. I often found myself forcing conversations, thinking back at the good ol days, but nothing flowed and everything just turned out awkward. I stopped trying to care about how I am to others, I tried to build my ego again, I tried to stop expecting myself to be social. Now I feel pretty comfortable around people, but still not really talkative, but I'm starting to get things to flow again.

There are a few neurotransmitters that directly deal with this. There's two parts to mood basically, energy and tension. Social anxiety is basically a mix of low energy and high tension. But you can still not be very social if you have low energy and low tension. The neurotransmitter that correlates to these two are dopamine and serotonin, respectively.
You get both from an adequate diet and accomplishing your goals. Maintaining your ego helps your energy too. It basically saves all the neural pathways in your brain so the next time a situation comes up, a pathway would be fired up, and being the life of the party would be like riding a bike. But then you'd have to learn how to ride the bike to begin with.

As for the diet, many foods contain the building blocks for your neurotransmitters. Not having enough or not maintaining a proper diet around the clock can give you many times of the day where your transmitters bottom out. There are two amino acids primarily responsible for dopamine and serotonin, and that's phenylalanine and tryptophan(or 5-HTP), respectively.

Tryptophan and 5HTP actually works pretty well in relieving depression and has a high success rate similar to SSRI's, just that pharmaceuticals can't make tons of profit off of them. Phenylalanine is basically your body's natural analog to amphetamine. I find both helps me quite a bit in dealing with my emptiness.

 

[Finalnight]

If its job related, I am a 3. If not, a 6 or 7.

 

[Cabages]

Originally posted by: Acanthus

Originally posted by: Cabages
Do anti-depressants actually help with this?

I went on some for ~3 months and I got around to asking a girl out, which I never had before.

Yes, they do help certain people.

Thanks for the reply. I will have to see if I can get back on them.

Originally posted by: Finalnight
If its job related, I am a 3. If not, a 6 or 7.

Its weird, but im the same way. I can talk to random people all day at my job, but just walking to class I sometimes find it hard to even look people in the face.

 

[KingGheedora]

Originally posted by: blinky8225
There actually are medications for this stuff?

I'd rate myself pretty high. Ordering pizza from Dominos scares the hell out of me. I've skipped meals to avoid talking to the person at a cash register before.

I don't skip meals, and have no problem whatsoever doing business with strangers, but I sometimes hate becoming a regular at any food or drink place, because i feel like I have to talk to the people there or somehow acknowledge them more because I see them more often, and that gets awkward.

I feel like a dick if I just give them a blank face and order my food as if they were total strangers (and noticed at a coffee place I used to go to that there was an awkward vibe with some of the people there that I think was because of this).

But then I'm not big on small talk so when I've tried being friendly and saying "hey how's it going?" every time i see them, then it's just as bad because it becomes one of those small talk conversations where you both know you don't want to talk to each other and it's just weird. I don't want to be that guy that tries to start conversations with people who aren't interested in talking to you.

 

[KingGheedora]

Originally posted by: Cabages
Do anti-depressants actually help with this?

I went on some for ~3 months and I got around to asking a girl out, which I never had before.

Doesn't that answer your question then? But I heard they have negative side effects that may make asking girls out a moot point.

 

[rubix]

10.

 

[dug777]

The tails are fat!

 

[Muadib]

Originally posted by: SlitheryDee
Probably about a 7.

I hate carrying on conversations because so few people say anything I'm interested in. So many people are used to talking on and on about nothing, apparently just to have something coming out of their mouths. That makes me sound like an ass, but I'm constantly finding myself completely losing whatever it is the other person's saying. Sometimes I force it, but I can't ever think of anything relevant to say even if I'm following the conversation a lot of the time. This creates anxiety which worsens the problem immeasurably, which creates more anxiety. It leads me to avoid conversation and thus, one-on-one encounters with other people.

You sound like me, but I voted 8.

 

[RedArmy]

6 to 7, depends where and whom the people are I suppose.