MaryLou
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind
him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name MaryLou
written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, MaryLou was the name of one of the
horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good
explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit
him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him
out cold.
When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"
She replied "Your horse called."
------------------------------------------------------
Stubborn Lawnmower
A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he
came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want
for the mower?" asked the preacher.
"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle", said the little
boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my
bike in trade for it?" The little boy asked if he could try it out first,
and after riding the bike around a little while said, "Mister, you've got
yourself a deal."
The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the
string a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the
little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."
The little boy said, "That's because you have to curse at it to get it
started." The preacher said, "I've been a minister for twenty-five years. I
don't even remember how to curse."
The little boy looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that
string. It'll come back to ya
------------------------------------------------------
He said, She said
He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the
money.
He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
She said..."No problem, I'll get you some that is."
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not
with your brains?
She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is
blind.
He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light
on.
---------------------------------------------------------
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive
country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives
the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well that's the last straw," says the wife.
"I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive,
meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no
more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more
country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two
smaller homes, but the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman
on his arm.
"Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
She replies, "Ours is prettier."
-------------------------------------
Origin of the word FsUCK
In ancient England people could not have sex unless they had consent of the king (unless they were in the Royal Family ).
When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king, and the king gave them a card that they hung on their door while they were having sex.
The card had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King ) on it. Hence that's where the word FsUCK came from.
Now, aren't you glad you learned something new today.
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind
him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name MaryLou
written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, MaryLou was the name of one of the
horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good
explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit
him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him
out cold.
When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"
She replied "Your horse called."
------------------------------------------------------
Stubborn Lawnmower
A preacher was making his rounds to his parishioners on a bicycle, when he
came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower. "How much do you want
for the mower?" asked the preacher.
"I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle", said the little
boy. After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, "Will you take my
bike in trade for it?" The little boy asked if he could try it out first,
and after riding the bike around a little while said, "Mister, you've got
yourself a deal."
The preacher took the mower and began to try to crank it. He pulled on the
string a few times with no response from the mower. The preacher called the
little boy over and said, "I can't get this mower to start."
The little boy said, "That's because you have to curse at it to get it
started." The preacher said, "I've been a minister for twenty-five years. I
don't even remember how to curse."
The little boy looked at him happily and said, "Just keep pulling on that
string. It'll come back to ya
------------------------------------------------------
He said, She said
He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the
money.
He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
She said..."No problem, I'll get you some that is."
She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money.
He said... Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not
with your brains?
She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is
blind.
He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light
on.
---------------------------------------------------------
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive
country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives
the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well that's the last straw," says the wife.
"I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive,
meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no
more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more
country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two
smaller homes, but the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman
on his arm.
"Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
She replies, "Ours is prettier."
-------------------------------------
Origin of the word FsUCK
In ancient England people could not have sex unless they had consent of the king (unless they were in the Royal Family ).
When people wanted to have a baby, they had to get the consent of the king, and the king gave them a card that they hung on their door while they were having sex.
The card had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of the King ) on it. Hence that's where the word FsUCK came from.
Now, aren't you glad you learned something new today.