temper problem...how to control

[Semidevil]

For me, I always thought that I have a fairly nice temper. When I was younger, I would cry or get mad when something that I dont like happened......even over small things. So I figured that as a child, I was a bit short tempered.

As I grew older, I learned to take everything easy. Be more easy going, and not be so serious. At that point, I thought that I was a very very calm and had no temper problem whatsoever.

These days, w/ friends, family, co-workers, I'm very good. Always able to smile, make jokes, and not afraid of a little bit of embarassment. Ofcourse, I think that those people also have no problem w/ me, so they never do anything to get me mad in the first place.

W/ my gf however, it's a bit of a problem. I'm 21 yrs old, and me and my gf had our share of differences. I think w/ her, My temper is coming back, and I really dont like it.

It's like, whenever we fight, she tries to tell me how she feels and why she is sad, but I always get mad. Whenever she expresses the way she feels to me, I always feel like I am being attacked, and that's when I start to yell at her. Maybe the way she says it....

For me, something that she does is question a lot of things, asking why why why, or maybe just tell me that I did this or that wrong, and I just feel a bit accused, and that is what gets me the most.

No, I"m not asking for relationship advice, or asking who is right or who is wrong. I think it comes to a point where that doesn't matter anymore. For me, I just want to ask you guys, when you feel that you are being attacked, or whatever; anything that can get you on fire, what do you mentally do to calm yourself down?

any tips?

 

[K1052]

Take a walk.

 

[KLin]

anger management classes.

 

[n0cmonkey]

Put down anything breakable/expensive, put my hands into my pockets, take deep breaths, close my eyes, and try to calmly explain to whoever that I need to take a walk.

 

[phreakah]

i have the same problem

 

[cherrytwist]

Originally posted by: Semidevil


For me, I always thought that I have a fairly nice temper. When I was younger, I would cry or get mad when something that I dont like happened......even over small things. So I figured that as a child, I was a bit short tempered.

As I grew older, I learned to take everything easy. Be more easy going, and not be so serious. At that point, I thought that I was a very very calm and had no temper problem whatsoever.

These days, w/ friends, family, co-workers, I'm very good. Always able to smile, make jokes, and not afraid of a little bit of embarassment. Ofcourse, I think that those people also have no problem w/ me, so they never do anything to get me mad in the first place.

W/ my gf however, it's a bit of a problem. I'm 21 yrs old, and me and my gf had our share of differences. I think w/ her, My temper is coming back, and I really dont like it.

It's like, whenever we fight, she tries to tell me how she feels and why she is sad, but I always get mad. Whenever she expresses the way she feels to me, I always feel like I am being attacked, and that's when I start to yell at her. Maybe the way she says it....

For me, something that she does is question a lot of things, asking why why why, or maybe just tell me that I did this or that wrong, and I just feel a bit accused, and that is what gets me the most.

No, I"m not asking for relationship advice, or asking who is right or who is wrong. I think it comes to a point where that doesn't matter anymore. For me, I just want to ask you guys, when you feel that you are being attacked, or whatever; anything that can get you on fire, what do you mentally do to calm yourself down?

any tips?

Avoid confrontation when you feel your pulse rising. Go for a walk.

Originally posted by: K1052
Take a walk.

edit:

Didn't realize that you posted the same thing. Let me buy you a :beer:

:thumbsup:

 

[jtusa]

All women are like that.

It takes A LOT to set me off, but when it happens whoever is around has to clear out because I explode. I don't like that happening so when I start to get riled up I just leave. At first my last girlfriend would get super-pissed when I would just walk out in the middle of a fight but she finally figured it out, and realized it was a good thing. As far as venting the steam, generally running calms me down. Just go run your @ss off until you don't have enough energy to be pissed off anymore.

 

[preslove]

Start lurking in YAG(un)T's?

j/k

 

[K1052]

Originally posted by: cherrytwist


edit:

Didn't realize that you posted the same thing. Let me buy you a :beer:

:thumbsup:

*sip*

Thanks.

 

[imported_Phil]

There's a reason I chose my username here

 

[Lovepig]

1) Therapy
2) Deep Breathing Techniques
3) Risperdal
4) Trileptal



alternatively


1) Knock her out
2) Put on a favorite movie

j/j

 

[OCNewbie]

If you sense that you're becoming angry.... make sure you stop and think about what you say before you say it. Try not to raise your voice, and perhaps talk a little slower than you would normally. Try not to react from emotion, but think about what the other person has said to you, and then don't feel awkward about taking extra time to respond, if it's only a few more seconds, what you say will much more likely diffuse the situation than continue to escalate it.

 

[Coquito]

I use to get angry at everything. Once I started acting mellow I lost my edge & my ambition. That being said, working out in the morning burns off alot of steam that would otherwise be used going insane. Once you're halfway burned out, you don't feel it's worth it to go ballistic over anything anymore.

 

[Lonyo]

Find another place to vent your anger.
You are going to need some sort of outlet, I think you're just using your girlfriend

Personally, the only thing that I get mad at is team mates on public servers of Red Orchestra (mod for UT2004), when they are doing crap all.
I used to have temper issues, but they slowly died down, and now I feel like I vent all my anger at random people over the internet Much more healthy.
That, and take it easy, don't get riled up, and try not to argue at all. You just have to realise that things happen, and sometimes you can change them, other times you can't.
Go with the flow and if you do need to actively do something, realise that shoulting and getting riled up isn't going to make it happen any quicker.


OR: get a new girlfriend

 

[TommygunAngel]

Well the fact that you are actually aware of the process suggests a great deal of potential for you, in that you most likely will not end up sitting around watching Jerry Springer in a trailer wearing a wife-beater. Basically the crucial element of whatever strategy you employ should be distancing yourself from the element that is infuriating you and re-approach only when it is safe to do so.

Sometimes it's not that easy. On paper, "walk away" sounds like a wonderful idea, but it's not always so easy to employ in practice. I would recommend coming up with something you can do on the spot just in case it's a situation you can't easily escape from. You'd be stunned and amazed at the grace with which you can do things when you are calm.

"In certain trying circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity furnishes a relief denied even to prayer. " - Mark Twain

 

[Fritzo]

My wife was a constantly angry/unhappy person. Everything would annoy her, everything wasn't right, everything was a burden. I mentioned this when we all went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor prescribed a medium dose of Zoloft. I can not BELIEVE the difference! These pills probably saved our marraige! Before, I would dread coming home from work for fear of "what did I do to argue about now?" Zoloft pretty much gave me back the woman I married.

Temper is often caused by depression. If you seem to be flying off the handle for no reason, I highly recommend asking your doctor about this. Most insurance companies cover it, and there are few side effects (we haven't noticed any). Good luck.