We have two kids, 9 and 7, who are cantankerous and stubborn but they're good kids. Our next door neighbors have a 7 year old girl the same age as ours. They're in the same class in school.
We've lived here for over a year now and have had a fair relationship with the next door neighbors but they have always seemed a bit odd and closed off. Every once in a while I'll invite the husband over to have a beer and BS for a little while but he never accepts. From the day we moved in our daughter told us that the wife told her she is not allowed inside their home.
The guy works as a landscaper and the wife is a nurse. They seem like very particular and detail oriented people.
Fast forward to today. My wife and I are in the house while the kids are outside playing on the neighbors' yard along with their kids and two kids from two other homes. After an hour or so we hear the husband yelling at our kids. We get up to see what's going on just as our kids are entering the house. We ask them what's up and our daughter tells us she is not allowed to go on their yard ever again.
The reason?
She spit out her gum on their yard.
We talk to our daughter about how terribly rude it was to do such a thing and ask if she apologized. She said she hadn't. So we walked to the neighbors' house and rang their door bell. The wife answers and seems exacerbated to see us, as if she was bracing herself for an argument. We told her that our daughter told us what happened and we came over to apologize.
The wife then proceeds to tell us that on previous visits our kids have also played with their garden hose and rode their bikes on the grass. We apologized again, explaining that our kids, obviously, have never told us about this and that we'll do everything we can to make sure they stay in line. The wife then reiterates what she told our daughter, that she is not allowed on their property "ever again" -- her words verbatim. We acknowledged this and told our daughter she was to abide by this rule or she'll be grounded.
It's a pity the neighbors couldn't be bothered to at least come speak to us before banishing our daughter from their yard. We may not agree with their decision but they have every right to say who can and cannot be on their property and we'll make sure our daughter obeys their wishes.
Still, would it have been too difficult to speak to us if our children have been causing problems? We talk to them at least once a month when we're outside together and they've never mentioned any of this in the past. It would have been nice for us to have had a chance to address this before they decided to forbid our daughter from setting foot on their yard ever again.
One of the other neighbors, an older boy, was also in their yard today and he is notorious for hanging on trees, damaging property, etc. yet I'm sure he's still free to come over. You see, he's the son of the daycare lady who watches their kids.
Unfortunately, this only serves to drive a wedge between us as neighbors and the friendship between our daughters.
What say you ATOT? How would you have handled the situation?
Cliffs:
Daughter misbehaves on neighbors' yard
She is a greedy and cruel girl and is banished forever
I look forward to ATOT passing judgment on me and telling me what a horrible parent I am.
MINOR UPDATE:
Here's an interesting consequence of the neighbor's rule.
The bus stop for our neighborhood is at the end of the the neighbors' driveway and every morning our children, the neighbor's oldest daughter, and 3 other kids wait for the bus. As they wait, they run around, play tag, etc. Well, thanks to the neighbors' banishment, our children have to stand there on the sidewalk while all the other kids run around and play on the neighbors' yard.
We're going to have another chat with the neighbors about this new rule and ask that they consider allowing our kids to run around on their driveway while waiting for the bus. It's really sad to see our two children stand there on the sidewalk excluded from all the fun the other kids are having.
We've lived here for over a year now and have had a fair relationship with the next door neighbors but they have always seemed a bit odd and closed off. Every once in a while I'll invite the husband over to have a beer and BS for a little while but he never accepts. From the day we moved in our daughter told us that the wife told her she is not allowed inside their home.
The guy works as a landscaper and the wife is a nurse. They seem like very particular and detail oriented people.
Fast forward to today. My wife and I are in the house while the kids are outside playing on the neighbors' yard along with their kids and two kids from two other homes. After an hour or so we hear the husband yelling at our kids. We get up to see what's going on just as our kids are entering the house. We ask them what's up and our daughter tells us she is not allowed to go on their yard ever again.
The reason?
She spit out her gum on their yard.
We talk to our daughter about how terribly rude it was to do such a thing and ask if she apologized. She said she hadn't. So we walked to the neighbors' house and rang their door bell. The wife answers and seems exacerbated to see us, as if she was bracing herself for an argument. We told her that our daughter told us what happened and we came over to apologize.
The wife then proceeds to tell us that on previous visits our kids have also played with their garden hose and rode their bikes on the grass. We apologized again, explaining that our kids, obviously, have never told us about this and that we'll do everything we can to make sure they stay in line. The wife then reiterates what she told our daughter, that she is not allowed on their property "ever again" -- her words verbatim. We acknowledged this and told our daughter she was to abide by this rule or she'll be grounded.
It's a pity the neighbors couldn't be bothered to at least come speak to us before banishing our daughter from their yard. We may not agree with their decision but they have every right to say who can and cannot be on their property and we'll make sure our daughter obeys their wishes.
Still, would it have been too difficult to speak to us if our children have been causing problems? We talk to them at least once a month when we're outside together and they've never mentioned any of this in the past. It would have been nice for us to have had a chance to address this before they decided to forbid our daughter from setting foot on their yard ever again.
One of the other neighbors, an older boy, was also in their yard today and he is notorious for hanging on trees, damaging property, etc. yet I'm sure he's still free to come over. You see, he's the son of the daycare lady who watches their kids.
Unfortunately, this only serves to drive a wedge between us as neighbors and the friendship between our daughters.
What say you ATOT? How would you have handled the situation?
Cliffs:
Daughter misbehaves on neighbors' yard
She is a greedy and cruel girl and is banished forever
I look forward to ATOT passing judgment on me and telling me what a horrible parent I am.
MINOR UPDATE:
Here's an interesting consequence of the neighbor's rule.
The bus stop for our neighborhood is at the end of the the neighbors' driveway and every morning our children, the neighbor's oldest daughter, and 3 other kids wait for the bus. As they wait, they run around, play tag, etc. Well, thanks to the neighbors' banishment, our children have to stand there on the sidewalk while all the other kids run around and play on the neighbors' yard.
We're going to have another chat with the neighbors about this new rule and ask that they consider allowing our kids to run around on their driveway while waiting for the bus. It's really sad to see our two children stand there on the sidewalk excluded from all the fun the other kids are having.
Last edited: