Wedding problems...

[db]

Marriage is supposed to be about commitment and respect. Both directions--you to her, and her to you. This is an early sign that it's a
one-way marriage. Believe me, if you don't get this straightened out, it will only get worse. She needs to respect your non-religion as much as you respect her religion, and acknowledge that this minister is WRONG to blackmail you like this. The minister is not going to change. YOU will going to this church in the future.
A successful marriage is all about how the partners resolve differences. If you can't resolve differences satisfactorily, the marriage will not last, or one of you will be miserable forever.

EDIT: a lot of posts slipped in before I posted this, and AdamSnow cleared up the concerns of my post.
Nevertheless, that minister has no integrity, is deceptive, a liar, and a manipulator.
I would not set foot in that church again.

 

[Czar]

Originally posted by: db
Marriage is supposed to be about commitment and respect. Both directions--you to her, and her to you. This is an early sign that it's a
one-way marriage. Believe me, if you don't get this straightened out, it will only get worse. She needs to respect your non-religion as much as you respect her religion, and acknowledge that this minister is WRONG to blackmail you like this. The minister is not going to change. YOU will going to this church in the future.
A successful marriage is all about how the partners resolve differences. If you can't resolve differences satisfactorily, the marriage will not last, or one of you will be miserable forever.

read the thread

 

[captains]

Originally posted by: captains
another thing to try is mention that you are considering giving a bigger donation from the one agreed upon for the ceremony. to "buy" your way out of converting

another way to put it would be... maybe if i increase my dontation to your church you can honor our previous arrangement... i believe its a dontation anyway and not a fee to get married....at my buddies wedding first thing he did was give the priest the envelope and the first thing the priest did was count it lol...couple xtra bucks cant hurt to get through the bs...

 

[TBone48]

Originally posted by: Jzero
Is that commitment in writing?

Frankly, I'd ask him what would Jesus do. Jesus didn't say "OK, guys: break up the loaves and fishes and distribute them to the multitude. But don't give anyone any food until he acknowledges My role as The Son Of God. Even if it's obviously insincere, that's OK. Just make them say it, and then give them a bite to eat."

I'm getting a little frustrated at having to call my religion the same name as so many other morons.

That is an awesome summation of the teaching of Grace. Good work!:thumbsup:

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: DBL
I'd have your fiancé call and try to speak with the pastor. Since they have a relationship, there is a good chance she can convince him to make an exception. After all, he is creating a huge problem for a dedicated member by equivocating on an already agreed upon event.

However, if his position forces you to make alternate arrangements, I might consider sending a bill for additional costs incurred (both time and money), especially if you have a previously signed contract.

This is probably the best option

 

[AdamSnow]

Originally posted by: acemcmac
As long as it's just a matter of saying "okay, I'm a baptist now" much as you'd say "okay, I have purple skin now," I'd just go ahead and say it to get it done

<<< mercenary morals

Honestly, That's what I'm considering at this point...

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: preslove

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: preslove

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: db
By the way, since your fiancee accepts this guy's behavior and always will, you can expect more manipulation in the future.

While she does respect him, she does not feel that I should have to do anything that I do not want too for this to happen... She understands and agree's that since we've been together for so long without an issue in relgion, that there never will be a problem...

She just doesn't want me to take this guy to court for the money we're out because of his "last minute" decision about not marrying us...

Don't sue the guy, of course. That being said, a pastor's reputation is a great asset. Totally change your plans, eat the cost, and let it be known that this guy lied to your face.

Oh, I know... I'd never actually sue the guy (Anyone for that matter I doubt...) but in my anger, I can't say that I didn't think about it...

Haha. I know how you feel. It's cool that your fiance has your back. You seem like you guys are handling it well. Screw that dude.

That is a good point.

 

[AdamSnow]

Originally posted by: TBone48

Originally posted by: Jzero
Is that commitment in writing?

Frankly, I'd ask him what would Jesus do. Jesus didn't say "OK, guys: break up the loaves and fishes and distribute them to the multitude. But don't give anyone any food until he acknowledges My role as The Son Of God. Even if it's obviously insincere, that's OK. Just make them say it, and then give them a bite to eat."

I'm getting a little frustrated at having to call my religion the same name as so many other morons.

That is an awesome summation of the teaching of Grace. Good work!:thumbsup:

I agree 100%... Great quote... I may end up using that...

 

[Mucho]

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: db

Totally blackmail!
Tell him you want reimbursement for the invitations.

Oh, that's what I said... but of course, My Fiancée grew up with him as her Pastor, and refuses to hear anything of it...

Not good, not good at all.

 

[preslove]

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: acemcmac
As long as it's just a matter of saying "okay, I'm a baptist now" much as you'd say "okay, I have purple skin now," I'd just go ahead and say it to get it done

<<< mercenary morals

Honestly, That's what I'm considering at this point...

Doesn't he want to baptise you?

 

[badmouse]

Dude, this ISN'T about the pastor. Wedding arrangements mess up all the time, sh*t happens, you deal with it.

This is, however, a big flag between you and your fiancee. It's good that this is happening BEFORE the wedding, so that you can air it out. Religion is a huge issue in a life-long relationship. Sounds like she doesn't respect your religious beliefs. She's belittling your feelings by ignoring your deeply-held position.

Remember, this is a happy occasion. What happens when it's tragic - cancer, or your kid dies, or something. Something like that will shake the very foundations of your existence. It won't be so easy to talk about then. You'll need each other, and you can't have this big THING between you.

Oops, didn't mean to drag disaster into your happy wedding!! Hopefully you'll never have to deal with anything really bad!

Congrats, and may this be the worst thing you have to deal with in your weding! :wine:

 

[AdamSnow]

Originally posted by: Mucho

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: db

Totally blackmail!
Tell him you want reimbursement for the invitations.

Oh, that's what I said... but of course, My Fiancée grew up with him as her Pastor, and refuses to hear anything of it...

Not good, not good at all.

She wants to hear nothing of me sueing him... and I don't blame her... I was just feeling that way out of anger...

 

[AdamSnow]

Originally posted by: preslove

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: acemcmac
As long as it's just a matter of saying "okay, I'm a baptist now" much as you'd say "okay, I have purple skin now," I'd just go ahead and say it to get it done

<<< mercenary morals

Honestly, That's what I'm considering at this point...

Doesn't he want to baptise you?

Hell I don't even know what's involved in the whole process... I was hoping I could just walk in there, tell him I've accepted jesus into my heart, blah blah blah make him happy and have it done...

If he actually wants to baptise me, he's going to far... There's a line to cross, and a line not to cross... :laugh:

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: db

Totally blackmail!
Tell him you want reimbursement for the invitations.

Oh, that's what I said... but of course, My Fiancée grew up with him as her Pastor, and refuses to hear anything of it...

um.....she won't hear anything of it? I'd be a little worried if my fiance wasn't supporting me in something that serious.

 

[preslove]

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: preslove

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: acemcmac
As long as it's just a matter of saying "okay, I'm a baptist now" much as you'd say "okay, I have purple skin now," I'd just go ahead and say it to get it done

<<< mercenary morals

Honestly, That's what I'm considering at this point...

Doesn't he want to baptise you?

Hell I don't even know what's involved in the whole process... I was hoping I could just walk in there, tell him I've accepted jesus into my heart, blah blah blah make him happy and have it done...

If he actually wants to baptise me, he's going to far... There's a line to cross, and a line not to cross... :laugh:

I think baptism is central to converting. They're called BAPTISTS, you know

 

[AdamSnow]

Originally posted by: badmouse
Dude, this ISN'T about the pastor. Wedding arrangements mess up all the time, sh*t happens, you deal with it.

This is, however, a big flag between you and your fiancee. It's good that this is happening BEFORE the wedding, so that you can air it out. Religion is a huge issue in a life-long relationship. Sounds like she doesn't respect your religious beliefs. She's belittling your feelings by ignoring your deeply-held position.

Remember, this is a happy occasion. What happens when it's tragic - cancer, or your kid dies, or something. Something like that will shake the very foundations of your existence. It won't be so easy to talk about then. You'll need each other, and you can't have this big THING between you.

Oops, didn't mean to drag disaster into your happy wedding!! Hopefully you'll never have to deal with anything really bad!

Congrats, and may this be the worst thing you have to deal with in your weding! :wine:

My Fiancee does respect my beliefs. She does not want me to do anything I don't want to do, and has my back 100% to find another pastor/person to do the wedding...

The only time religion ever became a problem in our relationship, is when this guy made it one by pulling this crap...

 

[AdamSnow]

Originally posted by: preslove

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: preslove

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: acemcmac
As long as it's just a matter of saying "okay, I'm a baptist now" much as you'd say "okay, I have purple skin now," I'd just go ahead and say it to get it done

<<< mercenary morals

Honestly, That's what I'm considering at this point...

Doesn't he want to baptise you?

Hell I don't even know what's involved in the whole process... I was hoping I could just walk in there, tell him I've accepted jesus into my heart, blah blah blah make him happy and have it done...

If he actually wants to baptise me, he's going to far... There's a line to cross, and a line not to cross... :laugh:

I think baptism is central to converting. They're called BAPTISTS, you know

:shocked: Yikes...

Totally not cool... It should be illegal to be forcing something like this upon someone.

 

[MisterJackson]

Sue his @ss, win lots of money. Pay for trip to Vegas, get married, use left over money to pay for honeymoon! FTW!

 

[cKGunslinger]

Weak sauce.

Does this guy drive a truck? If so, you need to go get a brick, ASAP!

 

[AdamSnow]

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
Weak sauce.

Does this guy drive a truck? If so, you need to go get a brick, ASAP!

Wouldn't it be even better to screw on a set of Truck Nutz to it?? :laugh:

 

[AdamSnow]

Anyway - Thanks everyone for letting me vent...

 

[cKGunslinger]

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: cKGunslinger
Weak sauce.

Does this guy drive a truck? If so, you need to go get a brick, ASAP!

Wouldn't it be even better to screw on a set of Truck Nutz to it?? :laugh:

LOL!

Truck Nutz + Darwin Fish, FTW!

 

[Accipiter22]

Originally posted by: preslove

Originally posted by: AdamSnow

Originally posted by: db
By the way, since your fiancee accepts this guy's behavior and always will, you can expect more manipulation in the future.

While she does respect him, she does not feel that I should have to do anything that I do not want too for this to happen... She understands and agree's that since we've been together for so long without an issue in relgion, that there never will be a problem...

She just doesn't want me to take this guy to court for the money we're out because of his "last minute" decision about not marrying us...

Don't sue the guy, of course. That being said, a pastor's reputation is a great asset. Totally change your plans, eat the cost, and let it be known that this guy lied to your face.

which is why I'd sue. He's not acting as a man of God if he's trying to force an unwilling person to convert. I'd sue him for any additional costs incurred, and any past costs he'd lose out on. I can't think of a reason not to. So people won't like the oP? Because he sued a man who was being dishonest? What would that say for the community he lives in.

 

[db]

The important thing is that the two of you can agree on what to do, and that neither of you feels bad about that agreement.

If you are ok with lying to the minister and dealing with him in the future, then do it.
OTOH, if you want to take a position of integrity you will lay it in front of him:
"Eight months ago you said you would marry us. Now two months before the wedding after plans have been made and invitations sent out, you put a condition on the wedding that you never mentioned when you first said you would marry us. This *appears* to be deceptive or manipulative and I have to wonder if this is indicative of your ministry as a whole. Or maybe this is just a misunderstanding." That gives him an option to make things right. But be prepared if he does not.

 

[mugs]

Originally posted by: Phil
I'm going to play devil's advocate and say that maybe you shouldn't get married in a place of religious worship if you don't believe in said religion.

:Q NO WAI!!

OP, did the pastor know you were an atheist or agnostic before now? Most pastors will make you go through premarital counseling before they'll marry you, so that would have come up I'd think...

I don't think it's right for him to do what he's doing if he knew all along. I also think it's a pointless thing for him to do, because you're not actually going to believe in his religion just because you have to convert to it to get married.