From what I've seen in life over the last 40 plus years, and 27 years of marriage, is that people DO NOT change! They may change what they do, but their underlying thoughts, feelings and motivations DO NOT! Your fiance and her mother will ALWAYS be the same as they are now. If you think things will get better over time, YOU'RE WRONG! If you can't deal with it now, you won't be able to after the marriage either. Basically, you're doomed from the start. It isn't just the mom, it's the choice of your GF to side with her. You may be totally justified in your feelings toward that woman, but your GF sides with her instead of you. Same deal if you're in the wrong, and her mom is right. Your GF takes her side instead of yours and this WILL NEVER change. This is fair warning. What you do with it is up to you.Originally posted by: AmerDoux
You are not just marrying your girlfriend, you are marrying into a family and you are going to need to work this out because you are going to be stuck with these people for a long, long time.
Originally posted by: DainBramaged
Originally posted by: lolock
li think its a result of spending too much time with each other
and that the love may not be as strong as before
absence make the heart grow fonder my friend, while in a relationship
that and having her dumped is sure easier on my nerves and confidence
only dump if its not repairable
I think you mean, absence only makes the heart wander.
Originally posted by: Stumps
Why do they keep nagging even after you have caved into their demands?
My GF and I are planning to get married in the near future. the downside to this is that I have to make up with her parents...but I reluctantly agreed to do so and now she wont stop whinging about it...by saying that I would make up with them I was hoping to have a moment of peace..but it just made it worse she is still going on..and on about it.
why do women do this?
Originally posted by: Golgo13
Tell her how you feel about her "nagging" (don't use that word though). If indeed the issue is resolved, then there may be something more to this. First, she just may have wanted you to show more sincerity when you made up with parents. If you gave the impression that you did it to stop her nagging without a sincere attempt to trying to improve family bonds, she'll read into it. Never NAG back and say "..look I did what you wanted ...now leave me alone" That's a big no no. She'll just express her displeasure indirectly through continued nagging or other passive aggressive behavior.
However, this could be a subconcious attempt, on her part, to drive you away and end the relationship. She could also be setting up an issue to halt the marriage.
Or
YOU may subconciously be having cold feet and creating or exaggerating this annoyance in your mind so as to question the relationship and create some sort of justification to avoid getting married.
As both of you get closer to marriage, you both start examining the relationship and each other more closely. The stress and anxiety levels are just going to get worse as you get into the wedding plan stage.
How far into the future is this marriage? How long ago was this decided? Why did the relationship with the parent sour in the first place? When did the nagging start/intensify? These are things to ask yourself and reflect upon.
Well, this could go on and on. Good luck to you and consider seeing a marriage couselor prior to actually getting married if things worsen.
Originally posted by: moshquerade
it's a tarpOriginally posted by: DainBramaged
Don't marry her, it's a trick.
Originally posted by: PingSpike
She's mooching money off her own daughter and you're suppose to be the deadbeat?
Yeah, I can't say I'd be able to get behind any kind of makeup plan in a situation like that either.
Ignore everything you've heard in this thread other than this. This is just a fact of life. If you hate your girlfriends mom, just wait a few years after being married and you'll hate your wife too. You may think they're nothing alike right now, but that's because you're still in the In-Love-And-Want-To-Get-Married phase. After the wedding, look out.Originally posted by: Astaroth33
Originally posted by: Stumps
Originally posted by: AmerDoux
You agreed to make up with her parents so you could shut her up. She may not be able to verbalize what is going on with her feelings, but I am betting your lack of sincerity is bothering her, hence the continued nagging. Your getting along with her parents is important to her.
unfortunately for her I could live quite happily if a truck or tank ran over her mother..I get along ok with her father..but her mother...god damn what a beast!..and I tried to make a big effort in the beginning but i couldn't take the constant critism from her mother, and when i finally retalliated..I'm the bad person.
Now her mother wants to make up and I'm just suposed to be OK with it..I don't think so
You know what they say about women... If you want a really good idea of what she's going to be like in a few years, take a good look at her mother.
Originally posted by: Stumps
Originally posted by: Golgo13
Tell her how you feel about her "nagging" (don't use that word though). If indeed the issue is resolved, then there may be something more to this. First, she just may have wanted you to show more sincerity when you made up with parents. If you gave the impression that you did it to stop her nagging without a sincere attempt to trying to improve family bonds, she'll read into it. Never NAG back and say "..look I did what you wanted ...now leave me alone" That's a big no no. She'll just express her displeasure indirectly through continued nagging or other passive aggressive behavior.
However, this could be a subconcious attempt, on her part, to drive you away and end the relationship. She could also be setting up an issue to halt the marriage.
Or
YOU may subconciously be having cold feet and creating or exaggerating this annoyance in your mind so as to question the relationship and create some sort of justification to avoid getting married.
As both of you get closer to marriage, you both start examining the relationship and each other more closely. The stress and anxiety levels are just going to get worse as you get into the wedding plan stage.
How far into the future is this marriage? How long ago was this decided? Why did the relationship with the parent sour in the first place? When did the nagging start/intensify? These are things to ask yourself and reflect upon.
Well, this could go on and on. Good luck to you and consider seeing a marriage couselor prior to actually getting married if things worsen.
we became engaged about 3 years ago and we have been living together for 2 and a half.
Her mother liked me at first and I didn't mind her, but about 2 months after we became engaged I suffered a massive pay cut as a result of a change in management at work.
Since then it has been absolute hell with the mother, at first it was just little remarks about my considerably lower wage, which I tolerated, then when I bought a car which was a well looked after but VERY modified '79 V8 ford fairmont all went south from there.
I became the dead beat loser boyfriend, who would never be able to provide for my GF, the fact that I came from a small country town made this worse, I still put up with all the comments as such and even went as far as selling my Ford 9 months later to buy a later model car to try and shake the redneck loser image that my GF's mother had of me.
This seemed to have worked right up to the day that my '86 GMH Calias Turbo was stolen and then it was back to being the loser boyfriend again, at which time I finally snapped and requested a transfer 3 and half hours away from sydney to the small town of Cootamundra which is where I current live with my GF who was very excited to be moving to the country as she had lived in a bad part of sydney all her life and wanted a quieter life, this was exactly a year ago.
This buffer zone suits me as I don't have to put up with her family, but now my GF's family are having Financal trouble and the constant phone calls asking for money are putting a strain on my GF, I try my best to help by allowing her(not that have much say in the matter anyway)to send money to them, and now her mother has concocted this scheme to get us to move back to sydney so they can sponge off of us and to do so she would have to make up with me.
But I am happy where I am and so is my GF and this is why any attemps in the past year to make up with the mother have failed because of my reluctance to move.
While I can see what is going on my GF doesn't and thinks that I'm just being a pig for not trying harder to make up with her mother.
I have agreed on many ocassions to bury the hatchet but as soon as her mother finds out that we have no plans of moving back she starts all over again.
Originally posted by: malcontent
Originally posted by: Stumps
Originally posted by: Golgo13
Tell her how you feel about her "nagging" (don't use that word though). If indeed the issue is resolved, then there may be something more to this. First, she just may have wanted you to show more sincerity when you made up with parents. If you gave the impression that you did it to stop her nagging without a sincere attempt to trying to improve family bonds, she'll read into it. Never NAG back and say "..look I did what you wanted ...now leave me alone" That's a big no no. She'll just express her displeasure indirectly through continued nagging or other passive aggressive behavior.
However, this could be a subconcious attempt, on her part, to drive you away and end the relationship. She could also be setting up an issue to halt the marriage.
Or
YOU may subconciously be having cold feet and creating or exaggerating this annoyance in your mind so as to question the relationship and create some sort of justification to avoid getting married.
As both of you get closer to marriage, you both start examining the relationship and each other more closely. The stress and anxiety levels are just going to get worse as you get into the wedding plan stage.
How far into the future is this marriage? How long ago was this decided? Why did the relationship with the parent sour in the first place? When did the nagging start/intensify? These are things to ask yourself and reflect upon.
Well, this could go on and on. Good luck to you and consider seeing a marriage couselor prior to actually getting married if things worsen.
we became engaged about 3 years ago and we have been living together for 2 and a half.
Her mother liked me at first and I didn't mind her, but about 2 months after we became engaged I suffered a massive pay cut as a result of a change in management at work.
Since then it has been absolute hell with the mother, at first it was just little remarks about my considerably lower wage, which I tolerated, then when I bought a car which was a well looked after but VERY modified '79 V8 ford fairmont all went south from there.
I became the dead beat loser boyfriend, who would never be able to provide for my GF, the fact that I came from a small country town made this worse, I still put up with all the comments as such and even went as far as selling my Ford 9 months later to buy a later model car to try and shake the redneck loser image that my GF's mother had of me.
This seemed to have worked right up to the day that my '86 GMH Calias Turbo was stolen and then it was back to being the loser boyfriend again, at which time I finally snapped and requested a transfer 3 and half hours away from sydney to the small town of Cootamundra which is where I current live with my GF who was very excited to be moving to the country as she had lived in a bad part of sydney all her life and wanted a quieter life, this was exactly a year ago.
This buffer zone suits me as I don't have to put up with her family, but now my GF's family are having Financal trouble and the constant phone calls asking for money are putting a strain on my GF, I try my best to help by allowing her(not that have much say in the matter anyway)to send money to them, and now her mother has concocted this scheme to get us to move back to sydney so they can sponge off of us and to do so she would have to make up with me.
But I am happy where I am and so is my GF and this is why any attemps in the past year to make up with the mother have failed because of my reluctance to move.
While I can see what is going on my GF doesn't and thinks that I'm just being a pig for not trying harder to make up with her mother.
I have agreed on many ocassions to bury the hatchet but as soon as her mother finds out that we have no plans of moving back she starts all over again.
If this is the case, then it will never get better.. Run while you still can..
Originally posted by: Ornery
Ignore everything you've heard in this thread other than this...
I told him the same damn thing twelve posts ago, lugnut... without the huge nested quote!
Originally posted by: Ornery
I WISH TO HELL ZUNI WOULD GET RID OF THIS GODDAMNED QUOTE BUTTON, FVCKING MORONS! :|
Possibly, but many women hide what they really are until the ring is on the finger. That's why you have to look at the mother. Because she's what the daughter really is after she's got her hooks into you.Originally posted by: Ornery
They change from the woman you enjoy being around into the mother that you can't stand being around
They're still the EXACT same person they were when you married them, and bottom line is, this marriage is in jeopardy from the very beginning.
Originally posted by: Stumps
Why do they keep nagging even after you have caved into their demands?
My GF and I are planning to get married in the near future. the downside to this is that I have to make up with her parents...but I reluctantly agreed to do so and now she wont stop whinging about it...by saying that I would make up with them I was hoping to have a moment of peace..but it just made it worse she is still going on..and on about it.
why do women do this?