wife just had an affair

[caitlion]

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77

Originally posted by: jjsole

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
So what was the point in telling you? what good did it do for you? Shes a weak person who couldnt handle her own guilt and had to hurt you to get it out of her system to make her feel better.

uhm...oh tay, the relationship would be better off a lie. That makes a lot of sense.

no i didnt say that. But the only reason she confessed was because she couldnt handle feeling guilty. If shes going to have a lapse in judgement she should atleast be able to live with the consequences.

Im sorry it happened. One time is a get it out of my system "oops i totally fvcked up" ...two times she totally knew what she was doing. Maybe she should have thought about his feelings BEFORE she did it. She didnt think shed feel guilty?

or maybe she just wanted to be honest with him. honesty is sometimes important in relationsips.

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Originally posted by: caitlion

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77

Originally posted by: jjsole

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
So what was the point in telling you? what good did it do for you? Shes a weak person who couldnt handle her own guilt and had to hurt you to get it out of her system to make her feel better.

uhm...oh tay, the relationship would be better off a lie. That makes a lot of sense.

no i didnt say that. But the only reason she confessed was because she couldnt handle feeling guilty. If shes going to have a lapse in judgement she should atleast be able to live with the consequences.

Im sorry it happened. One time is a get it out of my system "oops i totally fvcked up" ...two times she totally knew what she was doing. Maybe she should have thought about his feelings BEFORE she did it. She didnt think shed feel guilty?

or maybe she just wanted to be honest with him. honesty is sometimes important in relationsips.

as is TRUST.. now where does that leave him?

 

[boyRacer]

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77

Originally posted by: caitlion

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77

Originally posted by: jjsole

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
So what was the point in telling you? what good did it do for you? Shes a weak person who couldnt handle her own guilt and had to hurt you to get it out of her system to make her feel better.

uhm...oh tay, the relationship would be better off a lie. That makes a lot of sense.

no i didnt say that. But the only reason she confessed was because she couldnt handle feeling guilty. If shes going to have a lapse in judgement she should atleast be able to live with the consequences.

Im sorry it happened. One time is a get it out of my system "oops i totally fvcked up" ...two times she totally knew what she was doing. Maybe she should have thought about his feelings BEFORE she did it. She didnt think shed feel guilty?

or maybe she just wanted to be honest with him. honesty is sometimes important in relationsips.

as is TRUST.. now where does that leave him?

that depends on what kind of person he is now... personally... i wouldn't take any sh1t like this... sorry or not.

 

[caitlion]

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
as is TRUST.. now where does that leave him?

as is FORGIVENESS.. what now?

hehe jk

 

[flxnimprtmscl]

Originally posted by: caitlion

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77

Originally posted by: jjsole

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77
So what was the point in telling you? what good did it do for you? Shes a weak person who couldnt handle her own guilt and had to hurt you to get it out of her system to make her feel better.

uhm...oh tay, the relationship would be better off a lie. That makes a lot of sense.

no i didnt say that. But the only reason she confessed was because she couldnt handle feeling guilty. If shes going to have a lapse in judgement she should atleast be able to live with the consequences.

Im sorry it happened. One time is a get it out of my system "oops i totally fvcked up" ...two times she totally knew what she was doing. Maybe she should have thought about his feelings BEFORE she did it. She didnt think shed feel guilty?

or maybe she just wanted to be honest with him. honesty is sometimes important in relationsips.

So's not fvcking around on your husband. I guess she just selectively chooses what's important in a relationship....

 

[KaOTiK]

Id leave her. It was planned to some extent not spur of the moment and she did it on two seprate accounts. I know i can not be with someone that has cheated on me. I could never trust them again and i would always have the feeling deep inside that would question things that i wouldnt have questioned before and it would tear me up. If i did question every little thing she would go insane saying that you never trust her and probably run her off or you can tear yourself up emotionally not saying anything.

Better for you in the long run to leave her now.

Kao

 

[Miramonti]

Originally posted by: TwinkleToes77no i didnt say that. But the only reason she confessed was because she couldnt handle feeling guilty. If shes going to have a lapse in judgement she should atleast be able to live with the consequences.

That doesn't make a lot of sense to me - she is feeling guilty so she should live with it herself and not burden him with it - is what I hear. I think when people feel guilty its better to confess and face the consequences. She is not going to get the red carpet treatment by telling him, and will have a lot more difficult time now having destroyed the trust between them. Its much better for him to know what his wife is doing/has done as well imo, so he can decide whats best for himself at this point.

No one knows the whole story except them tho.

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Originally posted by: BruinEd03

Originally posted by: tkdkid
Happy new year, huh? Well she just told me that two weeks ago she screwed some guy from work. Got off early and went to his place. Then did it again another day. I never considered that she would do something like that. She's never been that kind of person. We've openly criticized other couples for sleeping around. Our relationship has been great for over 8 years. We're very religious and very honest with each other. I have no idea what to do.

She says she sorry and she doesn't know what she was thinking. She still loves me very much. I'm lost.

For me...dump her and move on...cheating can't be forgiven. But that's just me.

-Ed

Yeah, I'm with Ed on this, zero tolerance.

 

[TechnoKid]

I think it's good in a sense that she actually told [the truth to] you instead of covering it up/hiding it and what not.

 

[Hayabusa Rider]

The both of you need to get professional counselling NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need a third party qualified and experienced in dealing with these problems. From there you may be able to figure out what happened and what to do next.

 

[dquan97]

Originally posted by: Tetsuo
Forgive and stay with her

I think so too

 

[caitlion]

Originally posted by: TechnoKid
I think it's good in a sense that she actually told [the truth to] you instead of covering it up/hiding it and what not.

thats what i mean. so she fvcked up.. at least she told him and was honest about what she did.

 

[Tates]

Get a good divorce lawyer asap.

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
The both of you need to get professional counselling NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need a third party qualified and experienced in dealing with these problems. From there you may be able to figure out what happened and what to do next.

I think this is the best advice anyone could give. Seek counselling ASAP

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: WinstonSmith
The both of you need to get professional counselling NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need a third party qualified and experienced in dealing with these problems. From there you may be able to figure out what happened and what to do next.

Agreed. AT/YAGT are great places to vent and get nonprofessional advice, but that's it.

IMO, whether you take her back or not, you should kick her ass out while you mull it over.

- M4H

 

[DWW]

Place hidden X10 cameras all over a room. Invite her sister over to "help" you do something while your wife is out. Get said sister REALLY fsckin drunk. Do 'er on tape and edit it nicely. Put it on VCR and play it when your wife is around

Yeah I'm mean (before anyone says it) but she was worse to him. Revenge is the best.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: DWW
Place hidden X10 cameras all over a room. Invite her sister over to "help" you do something while your wife is out. Get said sister REALLY fsckin drunk. Do 'er on tape and edit it nicely. Put it on VCR and play it when your wife is around

Yeah I'm mean (before anyone says it) but she was worse to him. Revenge is the best.

Ah, Vengeance Booty (TM).

- M4H

 

[dfox227]

 

[dfox227]

Originally posted by: tkdkid
Happy new year, huh? Well she just told me that two weeks ago she screwed some guy from work. Got off early and went to his place. Then did it again another day. I never considered that she would do something like that. She's never been that kind of person. We've openly criticized other couples for sleeping around. Our relationship has been great for over 8 years. We're very religious and very honest with each other. I have no idea what to do.

She says she sorry and she doesn't know what she was thinking. She still loves me very much. I'm lost.

 

[shimsham]

i would expect her to quit that job immediately, as the first sign of "i fvcked up big time but wanna work it out. please fogive me".

 

[dfox227]

Originally posted by: tkdkid
Happy new year, huh? Well she just told me that two weeks ago she screwed some guy from work. Got off early and went to his place. Then did it again another day. I never considered that she would do something like that. She's never been that kind of person. We've openly criticized other couples for sleeping around. Our relationship has been great for over 8 years. We're very religious and very honest with each other. I have no idea what to do.

She says she sorry and she doesn't know what she was thinking. She still loves me very much. I'm lost.

I cheated on my wife at an early part of our marraige. She forgave me and we just celebrated our 25th anniversary together.I know nobody could make me as happy and fulfilled as she does. I also know how strong our marriage is because of the adversity we have faced. It is entirely up to you what to do.....but for me it changed my life when I was forgiven. Good luck, I can only imagine the pain you feel.

 

[Vonkhan]

never forgive nor forget.

kick her out and move on

:beer: now there's a temporary solution


what? ... she did it twice???? fvck that, MOVE ON!

 

[DaWhim]

this sucks. I wouldn't know what to do either....man!
it is almost impossible to forgive her, if I were you. but at least she didn't lie to you. this is a PLUS. but how can she be trusted from you again after this?

 

[OS]

This kind of crap is extremely common, I've seen estimates that it happens in up to half of all marriages. That's not to say it's okay, or give justification about not kicking her out, but atleast you're not alone.

Originally posted by: kenshorin
Seems to be a lot of that going on lately. WTF? Are chicks all going crazy? Is there a full moon?

This one is bad though. Basically it was a planned thing - not just something that happened. And she did it more than once. My recent ex (of six years, that bitch) did similar. Too bad you two are married, I'd say boot her to the curb. Screw forgiveness. Then they just do it again. Learned that hard lesson from experience. Dunno. It may take some serious "favors" from her to make it up, if you know what I mean.

I hope you don't mean what I think you mean because I wouldn't be too anxious about getting any favors from her slutty ass, who knows if she picked up any STDs in her little escapades.

 

[tkdkid]

She was let go because she was seasonal at the job she was at. The only thing I had come up with on my own was to get professional counseling from someone who has dealt with this before, because I haven't got a damn clue on what I should do.

I'll decide to leave her one minute then decide to work things out the next. I don't know what to do....just wait, get help and see what happens.

By the way, thanks to all you guys for your support. I really appreciate it.