Originally posted by: Gobadgrs
I still think you need to show her the door. Very religious? Musta forgot about Jesus and honoring the marraige vows when she was getting screwed by some loser from her work.
Get her tested for STDs too BTW.
Originally posted by: alkemyst
don't question the counselling or try to say if this or that about it. It was a valid response 9/10 times.
She works too right, you said she did this when she got off early? how do you expect meals/clean house? Maybe she is faulting you for messing it up.
The depressed mind wants compliments and more....I understand that as I went through it. However, many things don't get complimented and that is normal.
You wife is also probably feeling left out of life. She wants to be appreciative more than likely, but she is also waiting for her Prince Charming and Solver of All Problems.
Usually the common problem is men get married and think their wives will just offer up every orifice on a 24/7 policy, cook dinner, have all the clothes clean, starched and ironed, the floors and counters spotless, and a 7 course meal nightly. Also they need to bring home a upper-low to mid level 5 figure annual salary
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Originally posted by: tk149
Just out of curiousity, is your wife an only child? My ex-GF was and she was just like that.
Depression counseling helps. You might have to try different meds to find one that works for you.
Originally posted by: SleepNoMore
I'm not married but might as well be. I've been totally monagamous with the same lady for 3 years and I am pretty sure she has been also. For one thing she's makes it clear that she's physically attracted to me. There are so many good things about the relationship and I like her family too. So she is good for me and it dawns on me that... if I have a brain, I will stay. I would be a fool to betray her. * And I uh KNOW this *.
That being said. Relationships involve * work * to some degree. And a lot of fun too. There are a lot of good looking tempting people around. Some people have realtionships glued together for the wrong reason - money, security etc. It's not that they are really attracted to each other or see each other's hearts.
Some people lack the courage to end some relationships because of habit or because - nonsexually they really are friends or have been through a lot together.
Some parts of attraction are "automatic" if one does not have the brains, attention span or willpower to see where things are going or might lead. I have found that somehow women are easier to be in denial about this aspect of human nature and responsibility. I have overheard women co-workers and female acquaintences, etc over the years: "it just happened"(with a big grin on their faces). Men however * KNOW * EXACTLY where this (their emotional sexual drifting off course) IS going, whether they go through with it or not. They don't kid themselves about what the are toying with doing or what the price of it would be. It just then gets down to whether they are going to do it or not. My opinion. (Male here speaking...all you other males who understand about this one, raise your hands). I personally choose to nip it in the bud when I find some mutual attraction with someone. Doubly if the person is married. A friendly distance keeps me out of a lot of trouble. Yeah, I could "let" myself go there ...but I would be an idiot. That is the decision everyone must make who is in a committed relationship. You make that decision daily if you work or live around attractive others.
What you have in a healthy relationship: Someone to talk to, emotional security, a history with someone, family (hopefully it's good), etc. What you give up: Variety. You know every inch of your partner's body, no matter how good they look. You gotta start looking for something else from them or it isn't going to last. I don't think humans are built for monagamy, it's an aquired behavior.
With that being said..... I can only tell you what I would do: I would be done with her. I wouldn't get violent or evil. I might say a few things and make sure she's gone but I personally could not trust someone like that...or...let me put it another way: Life is too short to take more than one sucker punch from the same lover.
There's a reason this happened and I think after 8 years she realizes she missing something and you arent the one who can give it to her. Either that or you are but you don't need to be around in 6 months when she realizes you were a good deal.
Be wise pal. Take care.
:gift:
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: Gobadgrs
I still think you need to show her the door. Very religious? Musta forgot about Jesus and honoring the marraige vows when she was getting screwed by some loser from her work.
Get her tested for STDs too BTW.
why her?
Note to self: Never date an only child.Originally posted by: tkdkid
Originally posted by: tk149
Just out of curiousity, is your wife an only child? My ex-GF was and she was just like that.
Depression counseling helps. You might have to try different meds to find one that works for you.
Yes, she is an only child.
Originally posted by: AMCRambler
Yeah it hurts like hell, but you have to realize she didn't go sleep with the guy because she loved him. She obviously loves you because she told you. She slept with someone else out of physical need and that's not nearly as bad as if she didn't love you anymore.
Originally posted by: joinT
Physical need?? HELLO! She LIVES with someone who would've satisfied that need at ANY time. If she wasn't happy in the sack and didn't say anything, then once again she is NOT someone you need to be with. That's a VERY Important topic that requires discussion between the two parties. Unless she was complaining about the sex for months, that argument makes no sense whatsoever. It just shows she can't be trusted to even tell you any problems she has. Dump her.
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: joinT
Physical need?? HELLO! She LIVES with someone who would've satisfied that need at ANY time. If she wasn't happy in the sack and didn't say anything, then once again she is NOT someone you need to be with. That's a VERY Important topic that requires discussion between the two parties. Unless she was complaining about the sex for months, that argument makes no sense whatsoever. It just shows she can't be trusted to even tell you any problems she has. Dump her.
Just having the necessary parts doesn't mean satisfaction. Chances are these things just came up...she wasn't planning it, but due to her needs not being met she did them.
Originally posted by: tkdkid
Counselling Results:
Well, it was decided at the marriage counselling that I've been depressed for several years now. I've given up caring about anything, including her. I really believe that the reason for the depression is that my wife never showed any appreciation for anything that I ever did for her. I never came home to a nice meal, or a clean house. I got a simple thanks when I would go out of my way to get her a nice gift or just spend some time giving her a massage or something like that. She would never do anything for me. She didn't ever seem to care about anything herself, and I really believed that it didn't matter what I did for her, there was nothing I could do to make her happy.
I just thought that if we hung in there long enough, that we could get a house, a dog, maybe even have kids. Maybe then she would be happy and she'd care and things would be good. I went to see a therapist on my own after the counselling and now I'm taking antidepressants. She understands that she needs to show appreciation and she's going to try to work on that. I thought all women naturally felt that they should put something back into the relationship themselves. Shouldn't she just naturally want to do things for me? Anyway, for now we're just going day by day and seeing what happens.
I second that motion.Originally posted by: Papagayo
Originally posted by: tkdkid
Counselling Results:
Well, it was decided at the marriage counselling that I've been depressed for several years now. I've given up caring about anything, including her. I really believe that the reason for the depression is that my wife never showed any appreciation for anything that I ever did for her. I never came home to a nice meal, or a clean house. I got a simple thanks when I would go out of my way to get her a nice gift or just spend some time giving her a massage or something like that. She would never do anything for me. She didn't ever seem to care about anything herself, and I really believed that it didn't matter what I did for her, there was nothing I could do to make her happy.
I just thought that if we hung in there long enough, that we could get a house, a dog, maybe even have kids. Maybe then she would be happy and she'd care and things would be good. I went to see a therapist on my own after the counselling and now I'm taking antidepressants. She understands that she needs to show appreciation and she's going to try to work on that. I thought all women naturally felt that they should put something back into the relationship themselves. Shouldn't she just naturally want to do things for me? Anyway, for now we're just going day by day and seeing what happens.
Screw that...
It doesn't matter if you were depressed or not appreciated.. This does not give her right to have an affair with someone else. The Big point is that she still had sex with someone else. She's cheated on you. Someone else's penis and tongue has been in your wife. DUMPER AND MOVE ON. I can guarantee you that you will never have the same feelings as you did before you knew she cheated.
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
I second that motion.Originally posted by: Papagayo
Originally posted by: tkdkid
Counselling Results:
Well, it was decided at the marriage counselling that I've been depressed for several years now. I've given up caring about anything, including her. I really believe that the reason for the depression is that my wife never showed any appreciation for anything that I ever did for her. I never came home to a nice meal, or a clean house. I got a simple thanks when I would go out of my way to get her a nice gift or just spend some time giving her a massage or something like that. She would never do anything for me. She didn't ever seem to care about anything herself, and I really believed that it didn't matter what I did for her, there was nothing I could do to make her happy.
I just thought that if we hung in there long enough, that we could get a house, a dog, maybe even have kids. Maybe then she would be happy and she'd care and things would be good. I went to see a therapist on my own after the counselling and now I'm taking antidepressants. She understands that she needs to show appreciation and she's going to try to work on that. I thought all women naturally felt that they should put something back into the relationship themselves. Shouldn't she just naturally want to do things for me? Anyway, for now we're just going day by day and seeing what happens.
Screw that...
It doesn't matter if you were depressed or not appreciated.. This does not give her right to have an affair with someone else. The Big point is that she still had sex with someone else. She's cheated on you. Someone else's penis and tongue has been in your wife. DUMPER AND MOVE ON. I can guarantee you that you will never have the same feelings as you did before you knew she cheated.
Originally posted by: Papagayo
Screw that...
It doesn't matter if you were depressed or not appreciated.. This does not give her right to have an affair with someone else. The Big point is that she still had sex with someone else. She's cheated on you. Someone else's penis and tongue has been in your wife. DUMPER AND MOVE ON. I can guarantee you that you will never have the same feelings as you did before you knew she cheated.
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: Papagayo
Screw that...
It doesn't matter if you were depressed or not appreciated.. This does not give her right to have an affair with someone else. The Big point is that she still had sex with someone else. She's cheated on you. Someone else's penis and tongue has been in your wife. DUMPER AND MOVE ON. I can guarantee you that you will never have the same feelings as you did before you knew she cheated.
Great help you are offeringLet's try to be as graphic as we can? How do you know oral was involved? From EXPERIENCE I can tell you it's usually a quickie somewhere that means nothing and is rushed....near the end the married person snaps back to reality and pulls the reins...yeah sex happened but it's not like she is all gagging for you anyway you come.
I could pardon my own wife if she cheated with reason. I would be my own failure. If she just did it to do it, then no. I went through a divorce with both of us having sex on the side and with each other during it all. She had broke mentally. If she could have become sane again, we'd still be married. Sex is just an act....if you marry late in life chances are your wife/husband has done everything a 'cheater' would have anyway....what's it matter?
Å
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: Papagayo
Screw that...
It doesn't matter if you were depressed or not appreciated.. This does not give her right to have an affair with someone else. The Big point is that she still had sex with someone else. She's cheated on you. Someone else's penis and tongue has been in your wife. DUMPER AND MOVE ON. I can guarantee you that you will never have the same feelings as you did before you knew she cheated.
Great help you are offeringLet's try to be as graphic as we can? How do you know oral was involved? From EXPERIENCE I can tell you it's usually a quickie somewhere that means nothing and is rushed....near the end the married person snaps back to reality and pulls the reins...yeah sex happened but it's not like she is all gagging for you anyway you come.
I could pardon my own wife if she cheated with reason. I would be my own failure. If she just did it to do it, then no. I went through a divorce with both of us having sex on the side and with each other during it all. She had broke mentally. If she could have become sane again, we'd still be married. Sex is just an act....if you marry late in life chances are your wife/husband has done everything a 'cheater' would have anyway....what's it matter?
Å
It's not about what anyone has promiscuously done in the past, you're missing the point. Of course she's probably had sex numerous times with other people, that's different than her breaking the bond/agreement of marraige. Once you break someone's sacred trust, they are to be dropped like a bad habit; that was the point (of the post by Papagayo), it wasn't that the sex part was the be all, end all. There are things just as bad that could break the trust of a spouse, such as murdering their child or intentionally giving their mate AIDS.
Imagine you are the Mafia don. Your top man in charge has stolen half of your profits for a year behind your back. Are you going to forgive him, or ever trust him again? Hell no, you whack the fool.
Also, do you honestly think that b/c the tdkid wasn't paying enough attention to her, that's a good enough reason to have sex twice? Obviously the first time was good enough to come back for more, once is enough to make a statement (however severe) that screams "Hey I need attention, and if you won't give it to me, I won't tell you. I'll just get it from the nearest available source, and dam I can't wait to do it again!". Would this be a good enough excuse for you Alkemyst, that you weren't paying enough attention to your wife because say, you're on AT for 10 hours a day? Then she goes and has sex twice without telling you, or even hinting that this was the case?
Originally posted by: SP33Demon
It's not about what anyone has promiscuously done in the past, you're missing the point. Of course she's probably had sex numerous times with other people, that's different than her breaking the bond/agreement of marraige. Once you break someone's sacred trust, they are to be dropped like a bad habit; that was the point (of the post by Papagayo), it wasn't that the sex part was the be all, end all. There are things just as bad that could break the trust of a spouse, such as murdering their child or intentionally giving their mate AIDS.
Imagine you are the Mafia don. Your top man in charge has stolen half of your profits for a year behind your back. Are you going to forgive him, or ever trust him again? Hell no, you whack the fool.
Also, do you honestly think that b/c the tdkid wasn't paying enough attention to her, that's a good enough reason to have sex twice? Obviously the first time was good enough to come back for more, once is enough to make a statement (however severe) that screams "Hey I need attention, and if you won't give it to me, I won't tell you. I'll just get it from the nearest available source, and dam I can't wait to do it again!". Would this be a good enough excuse for you Alkemyst, that you weren't paying enough attention to your wife because say, you're on AT for 10 hours a day? Then she goes and has sex twice without telling you, or even hinting that this was the case?