wife just had an affair

[alkemyst]

thanks Bozack, at least someone understands where I was coming from

 

[imported_Papi]

Alkemyst, there isn?t much point in trying to argue your point. Just know some of the people that do understand you know what you are trying to say, and you are right in most of what you did state.
Most people can?t forgive or forget. Old wounds hurt them pretty badly and they?ve never been able to get over it. It rules their life. They tend to become women haters and are never able to trust women again. Others are religious and that sort of thing just doesn?t fly, hence the never forgiving or forgetting. Once a cheater, always cheater bull crap.

No one realizes that he wasn?t being the husband he promised to be when he did marry her. Hence, the affair she had as a result of being unloved, uncared for, unappreciated and unnoticed.
If it were a woman instead of a man in this situation people would say she should have gave it up more often, been a better wife, took care of her mans needs etc.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: yayo
If it were a woman instead of a man in this situation people would say she should have gave it up more often, been a better wife, took care of her mans needs etc.

What are you doing dressed and out of the kitchen? right

Å

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: yayo
Alkemyst, there isn?t much point in trying to argue your point. Just know some of the people that do understand you know what you are trying to say, and you are right in most of what you did state.
Most people can?t forgive or forget. Old wounds hurt them pretty badly and they?ve never been able to get over it. It rules their life. They tend to become women haters and are never able to trust women again. Others are religious and that sort of thing just doesn?t fly, hence the never forgiving or forgetting. Once a cheater, always cheater bull crap.

No one realizes that he wasn?t being the husband he promised to be when he did marry her. Hence, the affair she had as a result of being unloved, uncared for, unappreciated and unnoticed.
If it were a woman instead of a man in this situation people would say she should have gave it up more often, been a better wife, took care of her mans needs etc.

It's called irreconcilable differences. Get divorce and try again, plain and simple

 

[UCSDHappyAsian]

for one reason, maybe it is because you are too good at sex and she likes it a lot. when the co-worker approached her, she cant resist the heat. However, she loves you only. If your co-worker approached you, you would probably do the same thing. Or for second reason, she loves you but she is not getting enough from you. her co-worker was filling her needs. It was nothing emotional; simply physical exercise

 

[Webthug]

Originally posted by: conjur



And, yes, my ex cheated on me and reading all the other threads up here and other people I know personally and it all fits a pattern. The women feel like they're not in love anymore and think they deserve to go outside the marriage to get those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings again. They make a CONSCIOUS effort to find that. If they want that feeling again, they need dump their husband/b-f the adult way and move on. Why hurt someone else? Because women are Evil and Insane.

If u think that there is an underlying problem in all women then you seriously need to get your head examined.

 

[WyteWatt]

See anandtech users the dooms day is already happening just like I predicted and expected. People are getting cheated on and divorced now. I guess no one will ever believe me but oh well. At least I got most people to hate me!

 

[AnyMal]

The most amusing thing is that original poster lost all interest while this thread lives on. Only on ATOT.

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: Webthug

Originally posted by: conjur



And, yes, my ex cheated on me and reading all the other threads up here and other people I know personally and it all fits a pattern. The women feel like they're not in love anymore and think they deserve to go outside the marriage to get those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings again. They make a CONSCIOUS effort to find that. If they want that feeling again, they need dump their husband/b-f the adult way and move on. Why hurt someone else? Because women are Evil and Insane.

If u think that there is an underlying problem in all women then you seriously need to get your head examined.

Ah...the naivete of youth.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: conjur

Originally posted by: Webthug

Originally posted by: conjur



And, yes, my ex cheated on me and reading all the other threads up here and other people I know personally and it all fits a pattern. The women feel like they're not in love anymore and think they deserve to go outside the marriage to get those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings again. They make a CONSCIOUS effort to find that. If they want that feeling again, they need dump their husband/b-f the adult way and move on. Why hurt someone else? Because women are Evil and Insane.

If u think that there is an underlying problem in all women then you seriously need to get your head examined.

Ah...the naivete of youth.

The bitterness of growing old and alone?

 

[bozack]

The women feel like they're not in love anymore and think they deserve to go outside the marriage to get those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings again.

This is interesting IMHO, persononally while I think I can infer that you are not generalizing "all" women as some have misinterpreted you as having done, rather those who make a conscious decision to cheat, people who cannot figure out that this was your intent should really have their reading comprehension skills re-evaluated

However on this note I would just have to add that the media, and movies/tv specifically don't help this any..watch any girly/love story movie and you will see the focus is heavily on the "butterlies in the stomach" feelings and they seem to imply that if the "love" is true then these feelings should never fade....

Only in the few good movies and alot of foreign flicks I have seen is the "truth" ever represented where this "butterfly" feeling is good, but generally is fleeting and isn't nearly as important as a good solid relationship with common interests, goals, and most importantly mutual respect.

I will say I agree with Alk. when he says often times a marriage or union based on consious/logical factors is often more soild than one based on "lust" or "butterfly love" as there is a real and tangible purpose to the union and it makes sense and is destined to last, whereas *lust* only lasts as long until the next attractive option presents itself.

I think the media specifically focuses on and glorifies the wrong aspects of *love* and leads people to believe that without that specific and usually fleeting component that the relationship is doomed and one owes it to themselves to get that feeling back by whatever means available. I think many go and see this drivel, wonder why they don't have that anymore and feel somehow shortchanged even though what they have is very good....oh well just another thing to blame media for.

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: conjur

Originally posted by: Webthug

Originally posted by: conjur



And, yes, my ex cheated on me and reading all the other threads up here and other people I know personally and it all fits a pattern. The women feel like they're not in love anymore and think they deserve to go outside the marriage to get those butterfly-in-the-stomach feelings again. They make a CONSCIOUS effort to find that. If they want that feeling again, they need dump their husband/b-f the adult way and move on. Why hurt someone else? Because women are Evil and Insane.

If u think that there is an underlying problem in all women then you seriously need to get your head examined.

Ah...the naivete of youth.

The bitterness of growing old and alone?

More like finally becoming aware of the manipulative tendencies inherent in women. Now, some women manage to suppress it rather well and actually make for loving wives/mothers. But, there are many more that use the power of the p***y to gain advantages that suit themselves.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: conjur
More like finally becoming aware of the manipulative tendencies inherent in women. Now, some women manage to suppress it rather well and actually make for loving wives/mothers. But, there are many more that use the power of the p***y to gain advantages that suit themselves.

Ahh I see now, because men don't ever use the power of money, position, or property to gain any advantages to suit themselves.

 

[conjur]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: conjur
More like finally becoming aware of the manipulative tendencies inherent in women. Now, some women manage to suppress it rather well and actually make for loving wives/mothers. But, there are many more that use the power of the p***y to gain advantages that suit themselves.

Ahh I see now, because men don't ever use the power of money, position, or property to gain any advantages to suit themselves.

Only the a**holes and egotistical pricks.

I've not known one woman who didn't in some way try to manipulate a man. Most guys I know just go with the flow.

Besides, this thread isn't about men who cheat.

 

[SP33Demon]

We need an update tkdkid!

 

[Orsorum]

Originally posted by: yayo

No one realizes that he wasn?t being the husband he promised to be when he did marry her. Hence, the affair she had as a result of being unloved, uncared for, unappreciated and unnoticed.
If it were a woman instead of a man in this situation people would say she should have gave it up more often, been a better wife, took care of her mans needs etc.

Boo fvcking hoo. There's never an excuse for this kind of behavior. You can witness the reactions to that asshole Alkemyst and see the fairly evenhanded comments by most of the men here.

My dad's been married 4 times. He's been with his current wife (my stepmother) for about 16 years now. He has a habit of cheating on his wives for about a year or two before getting a divorce. He is my father, and I love him for that, but I don't take sh!t from him on moral issues and he doesn't try to press me on them anymore, because he knows he's a slimeball, and he knows that I know.

What happened to the idea of responsibility? Or honesty? Hey, guess what, your husband's "boring in bed"... grow up a little and either broach the topic and work through it or get a divorce. Have the guts to honor your significant other, even if that's the minimum that you do.

I need a smoke.

Nate

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Orsorum

Boo fvcking hoo. There's never an excuse for this kind of behavior. You can witness the reactions to that asshole Alkemyst and see the fairly evenhanded comments by most of the men here.

My dad's been married 4 times. He's been with his current wife (my stepmother) for about 16 years now. He has a habit of cheating on his wives for about a year or two before getting a divorce. He is my father, and I love him for that, but I don't take sh!t from him on moral issues and he doesn't try to press me on them anymore, because he knows he's a slimeball, and he knows that I know.

What happened to the idea of responsibility? Or honesty? Hey, guess what, your husband's "boring in bed"... grow up a little and either broach the topic and work through it or get a divorce. Have the guts to honor your significant other, even if that's the minimum that you do.

I need a smoke.

Nate

asshole? heh...maybe that is true, however you are just a child. Have you even lived with a woman that wasn't a blood relative?

I have lived with 6 women, I think I know a bit about the ups and downs of relationships. I was married, I divorced, I had another financee...and now I am married again. There have been fights, battles, infidelities, there has been passion, caring and kindness as well. Life is a rollercoaster sometimes...many just chose to stay home and not ride.

You don't know what goes on in your parent's bedroom no matter how close you are to your parents and it's fools that think they do. Many times people's own spouses have no idea of a decade long infidelity....do you really think between X-Box and power rangers you have any idea the major reasons your father really cheated. Nice you think he is a slimeball, sort of make the asshole you called me a complement.

I will tell you what, it's not always about the sex. The sex happening is what happens when two adults like each other...no a stork did not drop you on a doorstep. When someone is not happy at home they will talk to others sometimes....sometimes that leads to a closeness not felt in a very long time and yes, people forget they are married and end up in bed with someone that actually listened to them for more than 5 minutes before yelling or telling them they are stupid/childish to think in such a way. However, the relationship was already doomed before that lapse of judgement took place. Also usually the person is not very happy with themselves about it.

People who are clueless think it's all about "my wife doesn't do this and my husband doesn't do that in bed....." that's the minor issues usually, the ones focused on at the end of a day....the ones you remember. For all you know you may be the reason your father cheats, he obviously knows you hate it, yet still does it in front of you. No matter how sexually aggressive two people are there are going to be times when one says 'no'. Another thing the non-married like to talk about is how the man needs to wear the pants and demand sex happen...his wife is his to take when he wants....good luck with that one and get in touch with a good domestic abuse defence attorney if she doesn't cut it off one night.

Like I stated before, there are long drawn out books that can be written on why an affair happens, each chapter could be a reason. There could also be another book written on why or why not someone tells their other about it. There can be another long and drawn out book on dealing with, ignoring, or not dealing with the infidelity. This is not really a simple subject.

On top of that most posters here have not been in many serious relationships, if any relationships, yet feel they understand what it's all about.

Å

 

[Rage187]

"4 fiancees, 1 divorce, 1 current marriage"



your a pro

 

[tkdkid]

Originally posted by: SP33Demon
We need an update tkdkid!

Another update? Sure, np. We're going to another, supposedly better therapist tomorrow (2/3), to see what comes out of that.

We've basically taken our relationship down to the friendship level. We get along great as friends. Emotionally, I doubt that I'll ever want to go beyond that. She's put me through a lot of crap over the years, and I just don't have anything left to give her right now. I really don't think that I'm the right guy for her, even though she keeps insisting that I am. Her actions say otherwise.

 

[JupiterJones]

tkdkid,

All forms of counseling are not equal. There is hope for your marriage. You need to seek out a Nouthetic counselor. (I am assuming that you both are Christian when you say you are religious). National Association of Nouthetic Counselors can assist you in finding one nearby. I counsel people in very similar situations every week. You can, in a surprisingly short time, heal your marriage.

The cost will be surprisingly inexpensive, or possibly free.

Don

 

[jinduy]

Originally posted by: tkdkid

Originally posted by: SP33Demon
We need an update tkdkid!

Another update? Sure, np. We're going to another, supposedly better therapist tomorrow (2/3), to see what comes out of that.

We've basically taken our relationship down to the friendship level. We get along great as friends. Emotionally, I doubt that I'll ever want to go beyond that. She's put me through a lot of crap over the years, and I just don't have anything left to give her right now. I really don't think that I'm the right guy for her, even though she keeps insisting that I am. Her actions say otherwise.

more power to u!

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: Rage187
"4 fiancees, 1 divorce, 1 current marriage"



your a pro

your point? (btw the 'your' above should be you're)

Å

 

[JupiterJones]

I believe that more women are under this delusion than men. Frankly, it's pathetic when I hear a woman say that she expects to have those "just falling in love" butterflies forever. It's fantastical and is never the case. I wonder how much of it is bred by tv or movies, but regardless of the source it's not realistic.

Actually, it is very possible. It will not be exactly the same as "just falling in love" butterflies, but will in fact be so very much more.

First, the husband needs to become the man God intended for him to be. I would recommend Wild at Heart - Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul..

Next the husband should learn a thing or two about true intimacy. Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage.

Start with these two, and you will be amazed at how you wife will look at you 15 years from now.

 

[Nitemare]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: bozack
funny how your wife can go and sleep around on you twice with the same man and yet somehow the counselor seems to place all blame on you, or at least most of it (sorry just how I took your interpretation of the sessions).

My advice would be to seek another counsellor and fast as personally, depressed or not I am not buying it. Was your counsellor a female or a male? how many years have they been practicing?.

more than likely the next counsellor will find the same problems...this is a typical response to a counsellor's findings. OH he is a GUY! OH she is a GIRL! OH they only practiced X years! OH they only have a MASTERS!

Å

She's probably banging the counselor as well.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: JupiterJones

I believe that more women are under this delusion than men. Frankly, it's pathetic when I hear a woman say that she expects to have those "just falling in love" butterflies forever. It's fantastical and is never the case. I wonder how much of it is bred by tv or movies, but regardless of the source it's not realistic.

Actually, it is very possible. It will not be exactly the same as "just falling in love" butterflies, but will in fact be so very much more.

First, the husband needs to become the man God intended for him to be. I would recommend Wild at Heart - Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul..

Next the husband should learn a thing or two about true intimacy. Intended for Pleasure: Sex Technique and Sexual Fulfillment in Christian Marriage.

Start with these two, and you will be amazed at how you wife will look at you 15 years from now.

I don't know if you are providing that advice jokingly or serious...but from a serious standpoint I will comment.

All these guys that say the bible gives them authority over their wives always never consider that they are not holding up the end of the bargain the bible instructs them to be.

The hypocritical / ironic approach is their way.

Å