wife wants a seperation

[compman25]

yeah, don't move out. tell her if she wants to quit the marriage she can leave. make her be the one who quits it.

 

[otispunkmeyer]

Originally posted by: Metron
Sorry to hear that man... I was married for over 10 years, and I have been divorced for more than 6 years now.

I would suggest you speak to a qualified family law attorney soon (and I wouldn't mention this fact to your wife). Initial consultations are normally free.

You are correct that our culture is highly slanted toward the woman in the relationship getting primary custody of the children (along generous child support ). If you end up with this type of settlement, expect:
- to lose 1/2 of your 401(k) or pension to her
- to give her the family home (though a good lawyer can bargain for 1/2 of the equity)
- to only see your children every other weekend, and possibly one evening during the week
- to pay her roughly 25% of your income in child support (varies by state)
- to pay the taxes on that 25% (you don't get to write it off... it's tax free income to her)


However, more and more settlements are being established with "shared" custody, where the children alternate weeks between the parents. No child support changes hands, since the burden of raising the children is shared equally. Something to investigate...

Go talk to a Family Law lawyer ASAP.

*edit* adjusted child support percentage to reflect more than one child
PS... I am not a lawyer, just somebody who's walked this path.

how on gods green earth does it end up being that unfair? what has the woman done to deserve all that, effectively, free money and stuff?

ill be doing what my auntie is doing. not getting married, but basically acting married.

and who exactly, decided the woman should be entitled to half of the mans retirement fund? money the woman had no hand in raising/earning. that to me, is taking what is not yours to take, ie stealing only apparently, like the inheritence tax here, its a legal form of stealing.

 

[j00fek]

my parents were married for 18yrs then they got a divorce. it sucks but it might be the best thing

hang in there man

 

[imported_Baloo]

Uh, she's the one asking, make her move out, and do not budge on that position.

 

[loic2003]

Originally posted by: RKS

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: chambersc

Originally posted by: joecool
i've been married for almost 13 years. in my opinion and recollection there have been a lot of good times. however, for the last few years things haven't been so great. i've got issues and have also been diagnosed as bi-polar. my wife has her own issues and hasn't always been so nice. we have had couples therapy and individual therapy. i'm on meds for the bipolar. i think i am getting better, if slowly, but she seems to have checked out. she keeps saying she has nothing left to give. now she has decided we need a seperation. i think if i move out, it's all over. she'll be happy to be rid of me and won't have any incentive to let me back in, and try to pull things back together. if i do move out and move back in, every time something goes wrong, she'll pull out the "it was better when you were gone" card, and eventually decide i need to move out again, permenantly. to complicate matters, we have two grade-school age boys, and i fear that if i move out i will loose the relationship i have with them. finally, i feel it is very unfair that i should be asked/expected to move out a home that is 50% me - my stuff, my work, my money. it seems to me that guys really get shafted here - they have to leave, while the wife gets the house, the stuff, the kids, and the money. why will the kids want to hang with me, in a dump, when they can be in their home, with their stuff? it seems to me if she really wants a seperation, she should be the one to leave. bottom line tho is, i think this will inevitably lead to divorce if i agree to it, and i really wish i could get her to see another path, and keep working on things. i guess there's no point here, except that i'm in about as bad a place as i've ever been, and sadly this is about the only place i have to vent/share/whatever.

cliffs:
- married ~12.5 years
- many good times, but lately more bad than good
- wife wants me to move out, temporarily
- i think if i move out, it's all over
- if i move out, i'm f***ed - loose my home, my kids, my money, etc
- btw, guys are screwed when it comes to seperation/divorce - we have to leave everything behind, including kids, but keep shoveling $ to the ex to support their good life.

i agree.

dude, it's not 50:50 if you're the only one who has contributed to the cost of the house. You paid for it, you stay right in there with your kids. She can GTF out of there if she pleases, but absolutely do not more out. It's your property, and she's the one who wants to split up. Let her leave if she wants to. Do remember that noone plays more dirty than women. As the above poster said, get a PI and gather every piece of ammo you can get.

Good luck, and please let us know how it goes on.

Do you still live at home?

I rent with the missus. Getting myself a mortage this year to let. Why?

 

[RKS]

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: RKS

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: chambersc

Originally posted by: joecool
i've been married for almost 13 years. in my opinion and recollection there have been a lot of good times. however, for the last few years things haven't been so great. i've got issues and have also been diagnosed as bi-polar. my wife has her own issues and hasn't always been so nice. we have had couples therapy and individual therapy. i'm on meds for the bipolar. i think i am getting better, if slowly, but she seems to have checked out. she keeps saying she has nothing left to give. now she has decided we need a seperation. i think if i move out, it's all over. she'll be happy to be rid of me and won't have any incentive to let me back in, and try to pull things back together. if i do move out and move back in, every time something goes wrong, she'll pull out the "it was better when you were gone" card, and eventually decide i need to move out again, permenantly. to complicate matters, we have two grade-school age boys, and i fear that if i move out i will loose the relationship i have with them. finally, i feel it is very unfair that i should be asked/expected to move out a home that is 50% me - my stuff, my work, my money. it seems to me that guys really get shafted here - they have to leave, while the wife gets the house, the stuff, the kids, and the money. why will the kids want to hang with me, in a dump, when they can be in their home, with their stuff? it seems to me if she really wants a seperation, she should be the one to leave. bottom line tho is, i think this will inevitably lead to divorce if i agree to it, and i really wish i could get her to see another path, and keep working on things. i guess there's no point here, except that i'm in about as bad a place as i've ever been, and sadly this is about the only place i have to vent/share/whatever.

cliffs:
- married ~12.5 years
- many good times, but lately more bad than good
- wife wants me to move out, temporarily
- i think if i move out, it's all over
- if i move out, i'm f***ed - loose my home, my kids, my money, etc
- btw, guys are screwed when it comes to seperation/divorce - we have to leave everything behind, including kids, but keep shoveling $ to the ex to support their good life.

i agree.

dude, it's not 50:50 if you're the only one who has contributed to the cost of the house. You paid for it, you stay right in there with your kids. She can GTF out of there if she pleases, but absolutely do not more out. It's your property, and she's the one who wants to split up. Let her leave if she wants to. Do remember that noone plays more dirty than women. As the above poster said, get a PI and gather every piece of ammo you can get.

Good luck, and please let us know how it goes on.

Do you still live at home?

I rent with the missus. Getting myself a mortage this year to let. Why?

Seems like you may be in for a reality / realty check.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: pontifex
money is the only reason she's with you anyway, so what does it matter?

Quite a cynical stance from a self proclaimed 27 yo virgin living with mom and dad.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

You aren't going to like my response here... you admit to screaming fits and jealous rages
and behaving in a scary manner.. yo've got a wife who's not saying she hates you but rather that she doesn't feel she has anything left to give.

I gently suggest that you consider the possibilty that you're minimizing the serious nature of your illness and it's impact your family.I'd discuss this with my doctor/therapist
first.She could really be afraid that you're going to stop your meds,many bipolar folks do.

well, i'm trying to be honest here and find a solution. it's a little of an exaggeration to say i have screaming fits, more like, in an arguement, if my anger gets ratcheted up, at some point i will start yelling out of frustration to get my point across. but i have been told i'm scary at that point, and i'll believe that.
as far as talking to my therapist and psychiatrist, of course i'm doing that. and as far as the meds go, i've actually asked her many times to help me remember them, but she's refused to do so. that's particularly frustrating as it feels like she doesn't fully appreciate the nature of the illness and it's sometimes perverse consequences.

Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

If a guy wants a divorce, female doesn't, guy moves out, pays alimony, pays child support, etc..etc..
If a woman wants a divorce, guy doesn't, guy moves out, pays alimony, pays child support, etc..etc..
No wonder so many guys go crazy and kill their ex wives.

I know it's too late, but any guys here who aren't married, don't get married. Statistically you will be fvcked and not in a good way.

Do not move out temporarily. Temporarily moving out makes it that much easier for the courts to decide in favor of her.
Don't act irrational or get mad. She will use that in court against you.

 

[loic2003]

Originally posted by: RKS

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: RKS

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: chambersc

Originally posted by: joecool
i've been married for almost 13 years. in my opinion and recollection there have been a lot of good times. however, for the last few years things haven't been so great. i've got issues and have also been diagnosed as bi-polar. my wife has her own issues and hasn't always been so nice. we have had couples therapy and individual therapy. i'm on meds for the bipolar. i think i am getting better, if slowly, but she seems to have checked out. she keeps saying she has nothing left to give. now she has decided we need a seperation. i think if i move out, it's all over. she'll be happy to be rid of me and won't have any incentive to let me back in, and try to pull things back together. if i do move out and move back in, every time something goes wrong, she'll pull out the "it was better when you were gone" card, and eventually decide i need to move out again, permenantly. to complicate matters, we have two grade-school age boys, and i fear that if i move out i will loose the relationship i have with them. finally, i feel it is very unfair that i should be asked/expected to move out a home that is 50% me - my stuff, my work, my money. it seems to me that guys really get shafted here - they have to leave, while the wife gets the house, the stuff, the kids, and the money. why will the kids want to hang with me, in a dump, when they can be in their home, with their stuff? it seems to me if she really wants a seperation, she should be the one to leave. bottom line tho is, i think this will inevitably lead to divorce if i agree to it, and i really wish i could get her to see another path, and keep working on things. i guess there's no point here, except that i'm in about as bad a place as i've ever been, and sadly this is about the only place i have to vent/share/whatever.

cliffs:
- married ~12.5 years
- many good times, but lately more bad than good
- wife wants me to move out, temporarily
- i think if i move out, it's all over
- if i move out, i'm f***ed - loose my home, my kids, my money, etc
- btw, guys are screwed when it comes to seperation/divorce - we have to leave everything behind, including kids, but keep shoveling $ to the ex to support their good life.

i agree.

dude, it's not 50:50 if you're the only one who has contributed to the cost of the house. You paid for it, you stay right in there with your kids. She can GTF out of there if she pleases, but absolutely do not more out. It's your property, and she's the one who wants to split up. Let her leave if she wants to. Do remember that noone plays more dirty than women. As the above poster said, get a PI and gather every piece of ammo you can get.

Good luck, and please let us know how it goes on.

Do you still live at home?

I rent with the missus. Getting myself a mortage this year to let. Why?

Seems like you may be in for a reality / realty check.

I was speaking from a moral perspective rather than legal. I see how you may have thought what you did.

 

[MisterJackson]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
If a guy wants a divorce, female doesn't, guy moves out, pays alimony, pays child support, etc..etc..
If a woman wants a divorce, guy doesn't, guy moves out, pays alimony, pays child support, etc..etc..
No wonder so many guys go crazy and kill their ex wives.

I know it's too late, but any guys here who aren't married, don't get married. Statistically you will be fvcked and not in a good way.

Do not move out temporarily. Temporarily moving out makes it that much easier for the courts to decide in favor of her.
Don't act irrational or get mad. She will use that in court against you.

Not that I would, but I understand why a lot of married men come out of the closet now . going gay has got to be a lot less stressful.

OP, SERIOUSLY listen to Geekbabe, she's on point here. While in a perfect world your wife would stick by you despite your illness you have to remember she's human just like you, and therefore, she has her limits.

It sounds like your wife is in essence giving you a warning or an ultimatum. Has she talked to a lawyer yet? If not, she MAY want to stay with you, but at this point doesn't know how and has resorted to this measure in hopes of giving you a wake up call.

I'm sure she's not perfect, but you cannot change her, only yourself. You need to be healthy, and right now it sounds like you're not. I'd talk to my therapist again if I were you and tell them about this and that things aren't getting better for you with your illness. They may need to step up or change your meds.

Also, it is NOT your wifes job to help you keep up w/ meds. You feeling betrayed by her not helping is essentially you behaving like a martyr, or being passive aggressive.

Get one of those weekly pill boxes, TODAY, and show that you are trying to take care of yourself. It's not that hard. If it is that hard for you to keep up w/ your meds, then you're a lot worse off than you realize.

If I were you I'd tell your wife this:

"I love you, and I love our kids. I know I've not been easy to live with due to my illness. I'm not trying to use my illness as an excuse or a crutch. I realize I'm stuck in a bad pattern and I'm looking into ways of breaking/changing that. All I ask is that you give me X amount of time to turn myself around for the sake of our family."

I'd also ask her if she's willing to go to marriage counseling. If she says no, then back down right away and DO NOT ask her again. And whatever you do, don't come at her saying "This isn't working because you refused to go to marriage counseling."

If you love her, continue to love her. Show her in new ways, and be a good father to your kids while you straighten yourself out. It's the best, and only, thing you can do to save yourself, your marriage, and your family man.

 

[Feldenak]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

You aren't going to like my response here... you admit to screaming fits and jealous rages
and behaving in a scary manner.. yo've got a wife who's not saying she hates you but rather that she doesn't feel she has anything left to give.

I gently suggest that you consider the possibilty that you're minimizing the serious nature of your illness and it's impact your family.I'd discuss this with my doctor/therapist
first.She could really be afraid that you're going to stop your meds,many bipolar folks do.

well, i'm trying to be honest here and find a solution. it's a little of an exaggeration to say i have screaming fits, more like, in an arguement, if my anger gets ratcheted up, at some point i will start yelling out of frustration to get my point across. but i have been told i'm scary at that point, and i'll believe that.
as far as talking to my therapist and psychiatrist, of course i'm doing that. and as far as the meds go, i've actually asked her many times to help me remember them, but she's refused to do so. that's particularly frustrating as it feels like she doesn't fully appreciate the nature of the illness and it's sometimes perverse consequences.

Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

That's not being motherly. That's assisting your partner.

 

[xtknight]

Originally posted by: DaShen
try to work it out and get counseling.

Marriage is a commitment. I can already tell from your post that you have a selfish way of thinking about the situation. You aren't thinking about trying to save the marriage or what you can do to be a better husband; you are thinking more about what you will lose if you move out. This is faulty thinking. Get counseling and really try to save your marriage. Good luck to you.

Funny, I didn't get that impression at all. If what he says was true, she was definitely the one being stubborn and not wanting things to get better.

I haven't read past page 1 so maybe I'm not in a position to comment further on this.

I have to agree that it isn't her job to remind you to take your meds. I'd say if the disease itself actually hindered your ability or motivation to take said meds then perhaps it is, as long as you are nice after you take the meds.

 

[ultimatebob]

Originally posted by: dmcowen674

Originally posted by: sixone
I know it's already been posted, but DON'T move out.

If it comes to divorce, her lawyer WILL use it against you.

Exactly, they call it "abandonment".

The sad thing is that she's probably already consulted a lawyer herself, and asking him to leave is her first step for establishing her claim to custody.

And people wonder why I remain single. Most women are :evil:

 

[Philippine Mango]

Originally posted by: KLin
Do what Tony Soprano did. Talk to all of the top divorce lawyers in the area so your wife can't since it would be a conflict of interest.

What episode was this???

 

[RKS]

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: RKS

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: RKS

Originally posted by: loic2003

Originally posted by: chambersc

Originally posted by: joecool
i've been married for almost 13 years. in my opinion and recollection there have been a lot of good times. however, for the last few years things haven't been so great. i've got issues and have also been diagnosed as bi-polar. my wife has her own issues and hasn't always been so nice. we have had couples therapy and individual therapy. i'm on meds for the bipolar. i think i am getting better, if slowly, but she seems to have checked out. she keeps saying she has nothing left to give. now she has decided we need a seperation. i think if i move out, it's all over. she'll be happy to be rid of me and won't have any incentive to let me back in, and try to pull things back together. if i do move out and move back in, every time something goes wrong, she'll pull out the "it was better when you were gone" card, and eventually decide i need to move out again, permenantly. to complicate matters, we have two grade-school age boys, and i fear that if i move out i will loose the relationship i have with them. finally, i feel it is very unfair that i should be asked/expected to move out a home that is 50% me - my stuff, my work, my money. it seems to me that guys really get shafted here - they have to leave, while the wife gets the house, the stuff, the kids, and the money. why will the kids want to hang with me, in a dump, when they can be in their home, with their stuff? it seems to me if she really wants a seperation, she should be the one to leave. bottom line tho is, i think this will inevitably lead to divorce if i agree to it, and i really wish i could get her to see another path, and keep working on things. i guess there's no point here, except that i'm in about as bad a place as i've ever been, and sadly this is about the only place i have to vent/share/whatever.

cliffs:
- married ~12.5 years
- many good times, but lately more bad than good
- wife wants me to move out, temporarily
- i think if i move out, it's all over
- if i move out, i'm f***ed - loose my home, my kids, my money, etc
- btw, guys are screwed when it comes to seperation/divorce - we have to leave everything behind, including kids, but keep shoveling $ to the ex to support their good life.

i agree.

dude, it's not 50:50 if you're the only one who has contributed to the cost of the house. You paid for it, you stay right in there with your kids. She can GTF out of there if she pleases, but absolutely do not more out. It's your property, and she's the one who wants to split up. Let her leave if she wants to. Do remember that noone plays more dirty than women. As the above poster said, get a PI and gather every piece of ammo you can get.

Good luck, and please let us know how it goes on.

Do you still live at home?

I rent with the missus. Getting myself a mortage this year to let. Why?

Seems like you may be in for a reality / realty check.

I was speaking from a moral perspective rather than legal. I see how you may have thought what you did.

LOL ... hey wait a minute :|

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: ultimatebob
And people wonder why I remain single. Most women are :evil:

Yeah, it's true. But most men think they can't live without somewhere to put it, and good ol' Rosie gets boring pretty quick. So you can cope, or you can compensate. Your choice.

 

[joecool]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

as far as my bipolar goes, sadly, i haven't ever really experienced the highs - no brilliance, no wit, no energy. mostly i experience a lot of lows, and as i said above, my mania seems to manifest itself more as anger than anything. please keep in mind there are many forms of bipolar and not all are like the movies, or as extreme as you suggest.

 

[MisterJackson]

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory.

as far as my bipolar goes, sadly, i haven't ever really experienced the highs - no brilliance, no wit, no energy. mostly i experience a lot of lows, and as i said above, my mania seems to manifest itself more as anger than anything. please keep in mind there are many forms of bipolar and not all are like the movies, or as extreme as you suggest.

Then maybe you're not bi-polar??? Just depressed???

 

[joecool]

update:

she is at least trying to be nice to me, although when i talk to her about seperating she doesn't want to budge. i appreciate the advice here and don't plan to move out. i don't think she's seen a lawyer, tho it's possible. we aren't really talking enough at that level for me to broach that subject. i'm sure she's not cheating - that's not her style, and anyway she has her own issues that would make that unlikely. i did say to her this morning that i don't want to move out, that i want to fix things, for the sake of the family and for myself. and i told her that i'd basically do anything to make things better. we'll see where it goes from here ...

 

[maziwanka]

i like how ppl are quick to assume that the woman did nothing but mooch off the husband since he was the only one making money. i'd love to see these ppl enter some kind of successful marriage with that kind of attitude.

 

[joecool]

Then maybe you're not bi-polar??? Just depressed???

that's a big question and one i have asked my psychiatrist. he feels i'm bipolar, and there is a history of it in my family. it's really frustrating because it's not like a regular disease where they can do a test and say, yeah, you've got xyz. mostly it's just a guess and i'm the gineau pig in the experiment. but at this point i feel so messed up i feel like i have to trust the "pro's" 'cause i barely know which way is up anyway.

 

[xtknight]

My interpretation of it is that each of you doesn't have enough time alone. You spend so much time with each other you get miserable, and I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm sure if you had a brother you got in fights with him all the time, well I did at least. But the feeling of missing him far outweighs the motivation to feel superior to him.

Her motivation to do something good for you will budge very slightly over time. Right now I believe she things it will actually be detrimental to be nice to you since she would be "giving in". Give her time to realize this is not the case, and that being nice will actually make you budge. Somehow she still views you as the strong, unbudge-able one even though that isn't actually how you're being. Give her some time alone to analyze the situation then talk to her again. Only about a couple thoughts are overwhelming her right now, which are probably "getting back" at you. Wait until she sees the whole picture, like how the kids will react to it. Then maybe she won't be thinking the same way. It's important to not totally change in these types of situations. Retain your manhood/be assertive but be a little nicer at the same time. If you drastically change she will see you as weak. Make it your utmost goal that she be happy again, whether it be by watching a comedy or whatever. That will push things further in the good direction.

And yes I think Geekbabe is on to something. Be sure that you take your medication before you try to fix anything. In fact, do whatever you have to. If you absolutely can not do it by yourself, then sadly things just won't work out. I do have a feeling there's something you're not telling us here like overresistance, or maybe you don't realize it. That's OK, just make sure you are able to do that on your own before you try and fix this.

P.S. I'm not a psychic.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Feldenak

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

You aren't going to like my response here... you admit to screaming fits and jealous rages
and behaving in a scary manner.. yo've got a wife who's not saying she hates you but rather that she doesn't feel she has anything left to give.

I gently suggest that you consider the possibilty that you're minimizing the serious nature of your illness and it's impact your family.I'd discuss this with my doctor/therapist
first.She could really be afraid that you're going to stop your meds,many bipolar folks do.

well, i'm trying to be honest here and find a solution. it's a little of an exaggeration to say i have screaming fits, more like, in an arguement, if my anger gets ratcheted up, at some point i will start yelling out of frustration to get my point across. but i have been told i'm scary at that point, and i'll believe that.
as far as talking to my therapist and psychiatrist, of course i'm doing that. and as far as the meds go, i've actually asked her many times to help me remember them, but she's refused to do so. that's particularly frustrating as it feels like she doesn't fully appreciate the nature of the illness and it's sometimes perverse consequences.

Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

That's not being motherly. That's assisting your partner.

The OP has admitted to fits of anger and rage,screaming,profanties,name calling,irriational jealousy.... keep in mind that these are only the things he's admitting to here.His post implies that it's her job to keep him on his meds or she'll suffer the consequences.

Sorry but I worked in mental health for 15 yrs and will tell you that what the OP is admitting to is probably just the tip of the iceberg here,it's not her job to manage his illness or suffer the consequences of uncontrolled mania.. it's his job!

Anybody here ever actually experience the rage of a person who's an inch away from hitting you or breaking objects? Well take that experience and imagine it happening regularly,imagine yourself being 5 and listening to/being exposed to it.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: joecool

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Here's the deal,it's YOUR job to sort out your meds and get yourself on a schedule that works for YOU your wife isn't your mother and I'd hazzard a guess from the comments if hers that you've posted that she understands the consequences of you being non-medication compliant all too well.

A big piece of bipolar illness has to do with denial and it also has to do with the patient enjoying walking that fine line between hypomania and mania.Having tons of energy,being brilliant,witty,very seductive feeling ,lots better than living in the boring mid-range of the mood spectrum.The only problem with this is that many slip over that fine line and become angry,ranting people who can leave a huge path of destruction in their wake.

geekbabe, you are hitting some nails on the head here, she def. feels that i'm asking her to "mother" me by helping me track the meds. my own feeling is that it's one more damn thing to keep track of and i'd appreciate a little help so i don't mess up and forget. part of the side effects of the meds for me has been loss of memory. oh, and i do have one of those pill boxes. the problem is if it isn't in front of me i forget it.

as far as my bipolar goes, sadly, i haven't ever really experienced the highs - no brilliance, no wit, no energy. mostly i experience a lot of lows, and as i said above, my mania seems to manifest itself more as anger than anything. please keep in mind there are many forms of bipolar and not all are like the movies, or as extreme as you suggest.

I'm not trying to bash you here,very seriously, I think you really need an expert psychpharm consult.

You need to find a med regime that works for you and find a way to stay on top of your condition,if another adult needs to manage your care,then my friend you're entering guardianship time and court ordered substitute judgement which includes the right to medicate you against your will.


Btw,I am NOT saying that your wife has no responsibility here,what I am saying is that no type of couple's work can procede if both parties don't feel safe from the threat of violence. You need a period of solid mood stability and as a consumer you have the right to expect help achieving this from your professional treators.