Bag O? Crap 13: Jason's Revenge
Remember to order THREE!
Sure enough, this Friday the 13th is your unlucky day, because here comes another useless, worthless, pointless Bag O? Crap! If there's a more unnecessary waste of money on the whole wide World Wide Web, we've yet to see it (OK, maybe a paid Slashdot account).
It's obvious why we sell Thee Almighty BOC - "free money" is not a difficult motive to fathom. But why on Earth do you people keep buying them? Anyway, you have the right to read these rules. Should you choose to waive this right, you have the right to be mercilessly mocked for asking stupid questions in the forums.
1. WHEN YOU ORDER THIS ITEM, YOU?LL GET ONE BAG WITH (up to) THREE CRAPS IN IT.
2. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SELECTING THE QUANTITY OF THREE WHEN YOU ORDER.
3. YOU WILL WASTE FREIGHT IF YOU ORDER FEWER THAN THREE.
The item quantity you select is the number of crappy items we?ll put in your bag. Select THREE. You will only get one bag. Later, you can watch with smug satisfaction as a surprisingly large number of less observant Wooters complain on the forums about their two missing bags. But don?t get too smug, sucker ? you threw good money after bad crap, just like they did.
We say again: YOU WILL GET ONE BAG CONTAINING THE QUANTITY OF CRAPS YOU SELECT. How many bags? ONE. How many craps? One, two, or three, as you choose. So CHOOSE THREE. We can?t make this any clearer. If you?re seized by fits of involuntary mouse-clicking and you inadvertently select less than three, you can try emailing
service@woot.com. Once they?re finished laughing at you, maybe they?ll amend your order. Probably not.
But what does it matter, really? Three times zero equals zero, and three pieces of crap is still crap.
THE HOLY CRAP COMMANDMENTS v2.0:
I. Thou shalt expect nothing beyond one bag of some kind and your chosen quantity of crappy items (which should be THREE).
II. Thou shalt not whine and complain when some people?s crap turns out to be nicer than yours.
III. Thou shalt take a moment to consider whether you might be better off just not buying this crap.
IV. Thou shalt not order just one crap and blame it on anything but your own inattention.
V. To paraphrase Stephen Stills, shalt thou not get the crap you want, want the crap you get.